It's Pucking Complicated

Sour Mood

ISADORA

Knox parks his car outside a famous steakhouse near campus. I myself have been here several times before and the food's delicious.

"Hope you don't mind," he grumbles as he pulls the brake. "Since we were having barbecue, this seems like the next best option."

I meet his gaze and nod, then get out of the car quickly so he doesn't have a chance to open the door for me again. It's not that I have anything against him wanting to be gentlemanly, it's just that we're not a real couple and there's no reason why we need to keep acting when no one's looking.

A waiter meets us at the door and guides us to our seats. Knox opts for a table close to the window, claiming, "I like to watch people as I eat."

I do, too, but I don't mention it. What would the point of that even be?

"I'll give you guys some time to browse through the menu," he says before leaving us. I immediately look down, trying to decide what I'll have. Usually, I'm not too experimental. If I have something and it's really good, I'll just keep having it.

Because as soon as I try to have something different, I get disappointed.

I think I'll go for the sirloin steak with a side of fries. To drink, I'll have lemonade. I love the one they serve here. I try stealing a glance at Knox to figure out if he already knows what he wants, but it becomes pretty clear to me that his eyes are on me, so I don't look up.

When the waiter arrives to take our drinks, I tell him what I'll have to eat. Knox does the same. He's going for the biggest t-bone they serve along with mashed potatoes, garlic bread, and a side of vegetables. To drink, he has a Diet Coke.

Once the waiter leaves, that awkward silence that I'm starting to get used to settles over us. The menu is gone, so I have no reason to keep looking down, but if I look up, I'm sure it'll be even more awkward.

Ugh, let me just get this done and over with.

Sure enough, he's staring.

"What?" I ask right away.

He shrugs. "What?"

"You're doing that thing again."

"What thing?" He leans back. "I'm just looking at you, Halvick."

"Don't call me that."

"Fine. Isadora. I'm just looking at you. I don't see why that's such a problem for you. I mean, what else is there to do?"

"So, this is a pastime for you?"

"I never said that."

"That's basically what you said."

"No."

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes at him. Why does he have to be so complicated all the damn time? Why can't he be normal for once?

Our drinks arrive and I sip my lemonade while looking around the restaurant. The music's pretty upbeat, but the overall vibe of the place is really great. I love how everything's made of wood, and how dim the lights are. The windows are smoked, too, so when I stare out the window, it looks like it's nighttime.

The last time I came here was with Rodonia.

Thinking about her makes my heart sink a little. I think I was short with her earlier. Knox was stressing me out and I guess I was still upset by her lack of consideration. I don't even know if we'll be okay after this.

She did have a huge crush on Knox and I didn't consider that at all.

Then again, she slept with someone else, so maybe not? I don't know. Her explanation didn't make much sense to me.

"Isadora."

I turn my head quickly to look at Knox and see him shaking his head at me. "I've been calling you for the past minute."

"Well, I'm clearly distracted. What is it?"

"You seem upset. Is it about what happened earlier?"

"No. I'm fine."

He searches my eyes and I look away again. I can't deal with this.

"Look, you don't have to pretend that things with your half-brother are stellar, alright? I know they're not."

I narrow my eyes at him and put my glass down. "Your point?"

He leans closer and I get a whiff of his cologne mixed with the smell of Coke and oddly enough, mints. I don't think I even saw him chew gum. "You don't have to do this alone. I'm perfectly capable of holding up my end of the bargain."

"I'm fine," I insist, unable to contain my anger. "When I need your help, I'll ask for it."

"I don't think you will."

I scoff. This guy is just unbelievable.

"Not asking for help is what landed you in this predicament with him," he claims. "You think you can handle everything on your own and he takes full advantage of that."

"Wow," I remark. "And you concluded that in the, what, eighteen hours that you've known me? How do you know I didn't ask for help?"

He shakes his head, his gaze unwavering. "Just a feeling."

The waiter returns to ask us if we need anything. Neither of us answers him and he walks off again.

"Did you?"

I don't answer him. I grab the cold glass of lemonade and take a sip, but I'm in such a terrible mood right now that I can't even taste it anymore. Knox doesn't look away and I'm getting more agitated by the second, the reason being that he's right.

I never told anyone, not even my mother, about Justin's bullying.

I've always handled it on my own. When we were younger, I was a much better match for him, but as we grew older, he got meaner. I've lost count of the number of times he's offended my mother. These days, I find it easier to act like I'm not bothered when I actually am and always have been.

Our food arrives. I've just about lost my appetite, but I don't want Knox to notice that. The thing is that I don't have to give details of my life to this stranger, whom I haven't even known for a full day. We're not friends and never will be, so why should I tell him about my troubles? Talking about Justin's abuse would entail explaining the beginning of it all, and though I'm sure he knows something, which is no surprise because everyone knows, he doesn't know the full story and I'd much rather keep it that way.

He doesn't have to know that Justin once poisoned the puppy our father gave me for Christmas just so I could suffer.

He doesn't have to know about the summer I spent with the Halvicks at thirteen, and what Justin had his friends do to me.

None of that needs to be known. It's between Justin and me.

I've carried all this pain with me for nineteen years—I can carry it for nineteen more. I don't need to share it with someone who's only going to be in my life for three months.

Why would I ever share my weaknesses with him? At some point, he'd just end up taking advantage of them to get me to do what he wants. I learned a long time ago that people can be really shitty when they wanna be.

I'm just not stupid enough to try my luck.