It's Pucking Complicated

The Fallout

ISADORA

As I unlock the door to my room and shuffle inside, my only wish is to throw myself on the bed—after changing out of these clothes—and going straight to sleep so I can forget this godawful afternoon.

But Rodonia has other plans.

I honestly didn't think that I'd find her here. Usually, she's out on the days we're off. Today's different, though. I can tell by the look on her face that she's pissed, and as soon as we make eye contact, she puts her phone on her nightstand and stands up, arms folded.

"Good afternoon?" I say.

"You have some explaining to do."

Her tone immediately grates on my nerves but I try to stay calm. I don't like starting fights unless I'm sure there's no other solution. I can't argue without losing my temper.

It's just impossible.

I throw my arms up, knowing for a fact that I can't tell her it's just pretend. "Look, it just happened, okay? I don't know how else to explain it."

She steps toward me, head turned slightly to the side. "Where'd you even meet him? I told you yesterday that he was looking at me all night. You were at the dorm...Is that where you met him?"

"Yes," I lie. "You were busy and he found me in the living room. One thing led to another and..."

Rodonia scoffs in disbelief. "And what, Isadora? You're seeing each other now, is that it?"

It's my turn to fold my arms. "I don't see what the big deal is, Rodonia. It's not like you were in love with him. You literally slept with his teammate yesterday."

"That has nothing to do with you!" she says loudly. "You knew I had a crush on him and you still went ahead and f****d him! What kind of friend are you? Did you do this just to hurt me?"

My face gets hotter. "No, what happened between us has nothing to do with you, Rodonia. We connected and we...we have a lot in common, okay?"

Tears gather in her eyes and she shakes her head at me. "You're a really shitty person, you know that?"

"I could say the same about you," I spit, stepping closer to her. My brain's doing a really funny thing right now. This always happens when I'm starting to get really mad. I get dizzy and the world around me blurs a little. "You didn't even think to f*****g call me when you left Cleo's room! I could've been dead for all you care!"

"Oh, give me a break! Did you expect me to drop everything and cancel all my plans because you were stupid enough to leave your s**t in my care? Besides, don't act like I left you to die or something. You were in really good company. Hell, maybe I even did you a favor. I can't believe how fake you are!"

"I'm fake? You're the one who's pretending to be hurt when you don't give a rat's ass about Knox Mohrelian. All you want is the fame that comes with being his girlfriend. You're pitifully shallow, Rodonia, so don't you dare talk s**t about me!"

We glare at each other, neither of us moving an inch. I'm still fuming that she'd be such a hypocrite and put all the blame on me. Honestly, I don't feel bad at all. Maybe that makes me a bad person—I don't know and right now, I really don't give a damn.

"You think you're anything more than a name to him? You're mistaken," she claims bitterly. "He's only with you because you're a Halvick. Well, half a Halvick I should say. Everyone knows your story. You should be thankful that I stooped so low trying to befriend someone like you."

Her words cut deep but I can't show her how much they've affected me. "Yeah. The same half a Halvick that you tried so hard to impress because no other group would accept you." I step closer to her and my voice is low when I add, "I might just half a Halvick, but that'll always put me way above irrelevant people like you who live your whole lives trying to climb to the top just to be someone."

Her lower eyelid twitches, but she keeps her lips pressed together and doesn't retort. I could add so much more to my speech, but I decide against it.

The worst has already happened and there's no point in trying to say anything else.

I turn away from her like I can't see her anymore and get undressed. Rodonia returns to her bed, but I can't tell whether or not she's looking at me. I can't help but think that this is going to be a really shitty semester, because I don't think we can come back from this—I wouldn't want to, anyway—and we're stuck with each other until then.

There goes my only friend.

I'm preparing to lie down when my phone starts ringing. It's Mom. I could never ignore her calls, not in a million years. No matter how tired I am or how trashy my day was.

I step outside so we can have some privacy. "Hey, Mom."

"Filha," she begins softly, "it's so good to hear the sound of your voice. How was your week? Good?"

I gulp. "Good. I've been really busy."

"That's good to hear," she claims. "I miss you. We didn't have a chance to speak yesterday. You told me you'd call after the game."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry, Mom. Something happened and I ended up not being able to sleep enough—"

"Is something wrong?"

"No. It was just..." I struggle to find an appropriate lie. "An assignment that needed to be done. I was with other people. I'm sorry."

"No, no. No need to apologize. I was just a bit worried, but I knew you'd be okay, filha." I can hear the smile in her voice. "How's your roommate? Is she okay?"

I told Mom about meeting Rodonia and how we became friends. She knows that I don't tend to warm up to people easily, which is why I've never really brought a friend around or anything. Naturally, she doesn't know that people don't want to be friends with me because of who I am, and I've never told her.

Mom feels things way too intensely. Why would I want to ruin her day, possibly her life, by telling her something so insensitive?

"Yeah, she's fine. Everything's fine. I'll be coming home next weekend so we can hang out."

"I'm looking forward to that," she claims. "You know, Dora, it's very important to me that you're having fun and that you're well. It means a lot to me."

"I know, Mom," I smile. "I love you."

"And I love you. Have you spoken to your father recently?"

"No." Not since I first started here. I never call him, and he rarely calls me unless he needs to scold me about something.

"Have you called him?"

"No, Mom. I have nothing to say to him."

"Dora, don't be so hard on him. He's your father."

"I'm not hard on him. It's just how it is, Mom."

"And your brother? Have you been seeing more of him?"

"Plenty," I mutter sarcastically. She doesn't know about my issues with Justin either. Why would I tell her? It would just crush her.

We end the call not too long after this and I return to the room. The camping trip flashes across my mind just as I sit down, but I try not to think about it too deeply.

I don’t want to freak out before it even happens.

I’ve already sacrificed a lot to make sure this plan works. Backing out now would be plain stupid.