Autumn Leaves & Pumpkins Please

twenty | xav's heart attack

WE WERE INTOXICATED BY THE POISON OF DESIRE. He put a spell on me when he disembarrassed me from my clothing and had me in his power. Anytime he touched me I could feel the poison making its way through my body via the boiling blood inside my veins. Everything he touched started tingling when he moved on to another spot. Two fingers inside of me, while he kissed my neck and whispered inside my ear how bad he wanted me. How bad he had been wanting me all that time. I wasn't too easy on him though, teasing was something that would keep him motivated to fulfill my needs. When he finally was inside of me it felt better than ever before – he moaned my name and I moaned his. Every time my name would come out of his mouth, we felt close and more intimate. I was all his, but above all, he was all mine. Barriers were broken, naked and infeasible. He made it look like it was magic yet our love would be tragic.

october 31st

london, england

Abstruse mumbling woke me up from my deep sleep. When I opened my eyes, I almost got blinded by flashes of sunlight through the large window. I got greeted by the beautiful view over London and of course the British were wide awake. Surprisingly, Xavier wasn't sleeping next to me. I was alone in his room, in that overpriced, spherical bed of his. I smiled at the thought what we had done last night and I couldn't wait to see him again.

Finally he gave in after fifteen long days. Only two weeks and one day had passed, but it felt like months. It made me realize that I still knew nothing about the infamous writer who I had slept with two times. A part of me listened to Fadoua who told me that maybe I was the one who had given in – he had been trying to get into my pants since the very first day I arrived in London, while the other part listened to Valentina who told me that it was him who had given in.

I decided to take a shower and rinse all the bad thoughts away, but the unintelligible mumbling only got louder in the bathroom which was connected to the bedroom. I tip-toed towards the sound and ended up in the living room. I was so surprised to see all of my girlfriends there that I was doubting if this was real or a dream.

"She's finally awake!" Valentina exclaimed.

"We got you breakfast, sleepyhead." Lily-Rose held up a bag of Starbucks as if it was a Gucci bag she was showing off.

"What the actual f**k," I said, "what- when did you get here? Why?"

"Xavier invited us over for a party tonight, he arranged this for you," Sadie wiggled her brows at me and I couldn't stop smiling.

"He picked us up from the airport like an hour ago, then we went to work," Gwen said, "nice fella, funny chap."

"And very handsome," Sadie added.

I sat down with them and started eating my breakfast. The girls talked about how cool his apartment was and what they had been doing when I was away, but I couldn't stop thinking about last night. All the events were playing over and over again like a broken movie in my head. 

"Okay," Fadoua said when she acknowledged my absence, "what happened to you? You're hiding something, but you're making it obvious, dumbass."

I bit my lip and looked at the girls.

"Oh no, you didn't," Fadoua said.

"It's not what I think it is, is it?" Lily-Rose asked.

"A sister got dicked down last night!" Valentina excitedly jumped off the couch and started clapping her hands.

Everyone started cheering and even Fadoua and Gwen laughed. We spent the rest of the day hanging out outside, enjoying Halloween in the busy city of London. People were dressed up and stores were decorated, so we decided to get some decoration for tonight. Back at the apartment, I showed the girls the cookies and cakes Xavier and I had baked, but they didn't seem to care much about it – only how the process itself between us developed.

We were drinking wine and doing a Q&A about Xavier when he came in.

"Ladies," he said as he took off his coat and exposed the neat suit underneath it. Oh, how incredibly good he looked in a suit. The girls greeted him back and he came to sit with us.

"Wine?" I asked him.

"I'd love some, thank you. I see that you women are enjoying yourselves in my apartment? I thought you vandals would've demolished the whole place by now."

I poured in some and handed it over to him.

"We're not that bad," Valentina said.

"Well, last time you," he pointed at Sadie and me, "and you ruined all the drinks."

"Still not over it?" Sadie asked.

"Definitely not," Xavier laughed.

"How can we pay for it?"

"Help me decorate the apartment. Tonight's going to be busy, a lot of people are going to attend the party."

And so we did. All of us decorated the place, prepared drinks and food and we had a lot of fun. The girls were all very enthusiastic which created this positive vibe in the apartment. After all the decoration, it all looked so nice and spooky. While the girls were busy, I walked to Xavier who was adding the last finishing touches.

"What's up, b***h?" I asked.

"Nothing much," he looked at me, "b***h. Your friends are very nice, I like them."

"That's good to hear. Who are going to come tonight?"

"People you don't know."

"Will Heather be here?"

"No."

"You should play a piece for the guests tonight. You're very talented."

He sighed deeply and leaned against the counter to face me.

"Not if it's going to end up like last night."

"Do you regret it?" I asked.

"Don't you? It was very unprofessional of us. As you mentioned before, our deal doesn't include having sex."

I got very quiet all of the sudden. I just couldn't understand what got to him sometimes – last night was amazing and that's what he told me before we went to sleep. Unprofessional, I thought, but of course.

"You're f*****g with me, aren't you?" I hissed.

"Here we go again..." he mumbled under his breath. It was as if he liked seeing me tensed as f**k, maybe it was his fetish.

"I'm flying back to Dallas," I said.

"What?"

"I'm flying back to f*****g Dallas. I can't f*****g stand you, you egoistic f**k. You took advantage of me, because you knew I would give in. How does that feel, eh? How does it feel to get whatever the f**k you want even if you would take advantage of someone who actually cares about you?"

His shoulders suddenly got a lot broader and he looked down on me with an angry expression on his face. It was intimidating, but it wasn't going to belittle me.

"It feels f*****g great," he growled.

"Our deal is over, Xavier. f**k you."

"But-"

"Over!"

I headed towards the bedroom where I started packing my suitcase as I cursed to myself. First Chris who fooled me, then Xavier. Why weren't there any decent men for me? Of course Autumn Morris was the one who would end up with a f*****g prick. I hated men. I f*****g hated men.

When my suitcase wouldn't close, I let out a frustrated scream and jumped onto the bed. I heard people coming in and the music started playing. When 2002 played, the door opened and Xavier's head popped up around the corner.

"Close my suitcase, because I can't do it," I said.

"Nope," he popped the p, got in and closed the door behind him, "you don't even have a ticket for the airplane."

"I'll buy one."

"You'll stay here."

"With you?"

"With me."

"I'd rather sell my soul to the devil."

"Haven't you done that already?"

"Very funny, Montgomerwhore."

Xavier laughed charmingly and scratched the scruff on his chin. He was holding a glass with probably vodka in it, because I was quite sure he wouldn't drink water around this time with all those people.

"Saying love is forever," he sung, "and it went just like this, saying love is forever and never, well I guess that is true."

"You messed up the lyrics," I said dryly.

"Did I?" he asked surprisedly.

"Yes, you did."

He shrugged and walked to his nightstand to take a bottle of Hennessy out of it, drank the last bit of vodka and lastly filled his glass with the deadly liquor to the edge. Against my will, he sat down beside me and rested his hand on my leg. I slapped it, but it stayed there. I pushed it away, but it stayed there and the worst part was that Xavier clearly was enjoying the struggle, because he exposed a huge grin.

"Get your nasty hands off me," I said.

"Listen, Autumn," he turned to face me, "I invited your friends over for a Halloween party which I usually never organize, so wouldn't it be sad if you left now. How about you enjoy this party and tomorrow you'll have all the time to fly back to America."

"I'm not going to talk to you all evening," I said, "because honestly, you don't even deserve this conversation."

"Sure."

"I won't even look at you."

"But of course."

"I won't-"

"The rest of the girls are busy dressing up," he playfully pushed me off the bed and basically forced me to stand up straight, "why don't you join them?"

I listened to the suggestion and we all got ready. I would fly back to Dallas with the girls in three days and I'd stay with them in their hotel. The apartment was crowded with people I had seen in magazines – models, writers, all kinds of artists. Guys tried to hit on me and girls tried to figure out the tea about Xavier and I, but I just acted along with what they wanted to hear. How happily we were in love, how good our s*x life was and of course how much I admired him. Luckily, I had alcohol in my system, otherwise I would've threw up on anyone who asked how much I loved him and when he was going to propose. They all were so sure about our fake relationship and above all very excited. The fact that we could be that couple if my fake boyfriend wasn't such a fuckwit hurt me a bit.

I was having the time of my life as my friends and I danced to Thriller by Michael Jackson when I saw Xavier sneaking some in. She had long blonde hair and was dressed up as Sandy Olsson from Grease. Heather Greinfield, of course she was dressed up as f*****g Sandy and of course she looked f*****g gorgeous.

"Thriller!" Sadie yelled into my ear.

I laughed, but was too focused on Heather and Xavier to be able to keep dancing. I left the crowd in the middle of the apartment and decided to follow them. They went into the kitchen, so I went into the kitchen. Part of me was saying that I should turn around and stop caring, but I also was very curious and wanted to see what they were going to do. Xavier could barely walk and Heather had to support him, otherwise he would just fall down onto the ground. It was shocking how drunk that man was, but I hadn't see him all night so I had no idea how much he had been drinking.

I unsuspiciously and discretely filled my cup with wine and looked at how Xavier was clearly hitting on Heather in the corner of the kitchen against the wall. She had her arms wrapped around his back where I could see them and he was so close to her that I didn't know whether they were kissing already or just talking. I felt so incredibly jealous that I had to leave immediately otherwise I would've thrown something to the couple. Something like a knife.

Ten minutes later the crowd in the living room suddenly had disappeared and I was one of the remaining ones. The alcohol hit me for a couple of seconds, causing me to see blurry and took my hearing, but when I closed my eyes for a bit and opened them after, everything was fine again. Suddenly, someone was shaking me with their hands clamped onto my shoulders.

"What?" I mumbled as I turned around. Valentina was the one who held me and her eyes were very big.

"Xavier," she stammered, "Xavier passed out."

"What?"

"CPR," she breathed, "you're the only one who can do CPR here."

"I-"

"Maybe he's f*****g dead, Autumn! You studied this f*****g s**t!"

I sure was a bit drunk, but I was capable of performing CPR. I ran to the kitchen where the room was filled with people, pushed everyone aside and bent down where Xavier laid. Heather stood beside him and cried, but I had no time for that. I quickly checked if he was able to respond by gently shaking him, but there was nothing. Secondly, I lifted his chin, let my fingers rest on the vein in his neck and listened to his breathing. Nothing. His heart wasn't beating. I decided to not tell anyone to make sure they weren't going to freak out too much, wasted people and stress never was a good match.

"Have you called the ambulance?" I asked.

"Yes," a man responded, "they're on their way."

"Good."

That's when I started to resuscitate. Hands pressed onto his chest, pumping all power through my arms. Five centimeter into the chest, hundred times per minute. Everything started to fade around me, but I had to keep going. I had to save Xavier. I lifted his chin again, opened his mouth and blew air into his mouth. Not too much though, otherwise the air would get into his stomach and he would threw up as a reflex.

"Come on, Xav," I whispered defeatedly, but I kept going.

More pumps, more air into his lungs. More, more, more. We were running out of time, if the ambulance wouldn't be here in five minutes, it would be too late. I would be the one who couldn't save him.

I pumped harder, even a bit deeper into his chest.

"Breathe!" I cried as I gave him the kiss of life again, "breathe..."

Three minutes passed. Everyone was still standing around us and the room got hotter by second. I was on the edge of passing out, but I needed to keep going. All oxygen I had inside of me was what Xavier needed.

Defibrillator. I needed a defibrillator.

"Does anyone know if we have an AED here? Automatic external defibrillator?" I screamed through the room, but no one answered. "Are you f*****g deaf? An AED!"

I turned to Xavier's lifeless body.

"Please, Xav, please, please, please."