The Scarlet Phoenix and the Prince of Winter

Chapter Seventy Four

The kiss could never have been better. For someone like me who had zero experience before this, I had nothing to compare it to so it would have been hard to judge, but I think this kiss was the best. It did not feel like it was forced, or that it was planned, but it did not also feel like it was just a random thing that we did. It felt more like this was a culmination of a long process of build-ups that spanned for already a couple of weeks now, and a series of subtle and subconscious romantic tensions between the two of us.

Closing my eyes, I could feel his hot breath on mine, his hands over my back and his body slightly pressing over me, while he initiated the movement of our lips. It has always been a mystery to me what would be the dynamic between the two people involved in this... Who should move their lips first? And in what direction? How hard should it be? And does it include other variables, such as tongue? Obviously, I have no idea and I always had this irrational fear at the back of my hand that one day when I already have to do it I will totally blow it up like an i***t, but that is now what is happening right now.

The Crown Prince had been gentle and understanding with my naivety. He was like a coach and a teacher all in one as he led to where we should go with this moment that we were sharing. It was marvelous. It was passionate. And it was hot. 'How can I never have done this before?' That was what my mind was thinking when Prince Kao started sucking my upper lip which gave me another wave of chills. I responded though, which to my surprise, I was able to give it justice (I think.)

But then I suddenly remembered something. I just remembered that we were waiting for Steffan and the others, so just like an instinct, I pushed the Crown Prince away from me. And just like that, the moment popped like bubbles. The magical feeling disappeared, and a surge of new emotions coursed through my body... I gasped loudly and covered my mouth with my mouth the moment I realized the full extent of what just happened between the two of us.

I slapped my cheeks thrice before I was able to look at the Crown Prince. "Oh. My. God. What did j-just h-happened?" I asked him frankly. "Did we just k-kissed?"

He was looking at me like I was joking and that it amused him that I can even deliver a joke properly. And then he slowly nodded at my question, and I can tell from the look on his face that he was shy too at what just happened. "That was... ecstatic."

I could not understand why he said that at this moment. "We should have not done that," I told him like a subtle scolding. "This will complicate everything."

His eyebrows rose when he heard me say that. "No, it just made everything clear, Rainha..."

"No. it did not!" I insisted. "That kiss should not have happened! You are the Crown Prince! I am just a Court Servant---!"

"Rainha, you know how I feel when you say that," he said to me with a little tone that was close to a warning. I know that he gets upset when I remind him of the huge difference between our social status, but this time is different.

"No, no, I don't mean it like the way you think right now," I told him flatly. "Prince Kao, I'm sorry but you also have to remember that I am a servant at the Palace. I have no right to do something like that with you... It is against our code of ethics! And your father, what would your father say if he finds out---?"

"He will not find out about you," he said firmly and it made me stop talking. He was serious and I can feel the intensity with the way he was looking at me right now. "I have no plans of telling anyone about you until it is safe---"

"You really shouldn't tell anyone!" I replied. "That would just complicate everything!"

We went silent after that, just looking at each other's face. He seemed to have not liked the last thing that I said. And so do I, but I am not that stupid enough to force something that is not possible. He stood up and took a deep breath before he faced me again.

"Rainha... Listen. That kiss---"

"It was just a kiss. We should not make a big deal out of it, right? A boy and a girl in this kind of situation normally does it. I am not blaming you for doing it, since I was also into it at the moment. But please, Prince Kao, please let us not complicate this. I have no plans of becoming the center of everyone's gossip. I would literally die from the humiliation---"

"You don't like the idea of dating me?" he asked. He sounded like he was offended, but I did not focus on it. I just wanted to save myself from hurt. "Am I that bad of a kisser?"

I instantly shook my head. "You have no idea---"

"Then tell me!" he said. "tell me what's in your head right now! Tell me so that I could understand you! Because in my opinion, we both wanted to be in this relationship, right?"

My heart is a drum now that's pounding on my chest. My mind right now is jelly and I am just here trying to salvage what is left of my normal persona so that I can explain my side to him. How did we even reach this point? Everything escalated quickly and right now we are arguing. How weird is that?

"Rainha, please," he said as his voice softened. "I want to hear from you what you are thinking right now."

"Okay, okay, I will talk," I told him as I swallowed hard. I know that he will hate me after this but I have to do what I got to do. "Listen, Prince Kao. Like I said, that was just a kiss. I--- I maybe got absorbed into it. And I admit, I liked it. Maybe I even enjoyed it. But that's just it. I don't want anything more than that."

He looked hurt and I wanted to kill myself for making him feel like this right now. "You don't mean that," he said. "I am not an i***t, Rainha. I knew that you liked me since the first time that we met. I know that you have a crush on me. I could feel it. You are not that hard to read."

My cheeks were burning now. Heck, he knew? I should just bury myself right now in the snow. "Yes, that is right. I have a crush on you. I liked you even before I met you. Happy? Is that what you want to hear from me?" Finally, I was able to confess to him the truth. It felt good to let it out in the open for him, but it was also scary. And this was not the right time that I was thinking of when I was daydreaming of someday confessing to him about my true feelings. I wanted this moment to be a special occasion. But that is not what is happening and it just made me sad.

But the Crown Prince nodded as his eyes lit up with hope from what I just confessed. "Yes, that is what I want to hear from you! But I also want to know what is stopping you from letting me become your boyfriend---"

"WAIT. Wait! Wait!" I was already shouting as he just said something that was enough to make me drop dead on the floor right now. "We just kissed and now you are talking about you becoming my boyfriend?"

"Well, what is wrong with that?" he argued and he looked like he was now getting tired with my hardheadedness. "What is wrong if I ask you to become your boyfriend. You are single, right?"

"Yes, but that is not the point---"

"Then what is stopping you from accepting me? Is it because I am the Crown Prince? I have already told you that does not matter for me!"

"I know, but that is beside the point. I'm sorry, Prince Kao, but I can't be your girlfriend. I don't deserve you---"

But I was unable to finish my sentence as he suddenly pulled me into his body again and kissed me full in the mouth for the second time. The kiss that he initiated this time was different though. He became more aggressive and it was rougher than the previous kiss. I wanted to stop him but it felt great that I gave in. I was kissing him back with the same intensity (which I would later regret) and I was also caressing his back because of our position. He then moved and caused me to lean on one of the walls.

It was becoming more sensual than it should be that I knew that this was going to lead to something more than a kiss, so I did all my best top stop him. It was lucky that he relaxed a little bit when he felt that I was again responding to his kisses, so I was able to detach his mouth from mine and push his body away from me.

I was panting from lack of air and my mouth was almost numb from the intense kissing. It almost made me faint, but not from being physically tired but from the rollercoaster of emotions that I had felt since we came inside this house. Prince Kao was breathing hard too, and this time he was more confused than ever. When we finally found our voice to speak again, it was him that talked first. "You clearly like me..." he said. "I was not just imagining it."

I could not look at him in the eyes because we both now know that it was true. "Y-Yes... I do like you. Who wouldn't? Everybody does... Everybody wonders what it feels like to be loved by you and vice versa... You shouldn't be surprised anymore that I have feelings for you..."

"I don't just assume things just because I feel it. I need to have confirmation."

"Then that's the confirmation," I replied. I fixed myself because I realized that in that short span of time that we were kissing my hair already became messy. "I have always been in love with you, Prince Kao."

He was quick as lightning. One moment he was still standing a few steps from me but then after I told him that I was suddenly enveloped inside his arms. Then I felt him kiss my forehead. "Thank goodness, you feel that way. I was afraid that I was losing."

"Huh? L-Losing? What do you mean?"

"I was afraid that the more time you spent with me, the more that you find me not as interesting as you initially thought of me... I was scared that I managed to get you turned off somehow. And I did not like it. I want you to still like me, Rainha. Is it too much to ask?"

It was, but right now that he told me that, I find it hard to say things that will break his heart. But how can I get out of this unscathed? I feel like this was a trap that I would never safely escape from. But I have to, because the Crown Prince was already getting ahead of himself.

"Prince Kao, I don't want to be your girlfriend... yet. If that makes sense. Can you believe that I can like you but now want to be in a relationship with you?"

He shook his head and I almost burst out laughing because he was quick to answer my question. "That is something odd, Rainha. Normally, you want to be in a relationship with the person you like. But I guess you don't want me to become your boyfriend because I am the Crown Prince, and that would just make your life more complicated, right? Is that what you mean?"

"Yes and no," I told him honestly. I realized that I don't have to lie to him or that I don't need to sugarcoat things at this point of our relationship with each other, so I decided to be truthful to him with my words. "It is not because you are The Crown Prince. Just like I confessed to you, I have been in love with you for quite a long time already, and a lot of the things that has to do with it was the fact that you are the Crown Prince. If I really did not want to become your lover because of your position in the kingdom, then I would have unloved you a long time ago. But that is not the case."

"Then what is?"

"It is just that I still am not ready facing all the consequences of having a relationship with you right now, Prince Kao. Do you get what I mean? All the things that will come into my life after we became lovers... that would need my full attention. And I don't have the luxury of time right now. I can't still even process everything since my Aunt disappeared. It would be unfair to you if I enter into a relationship with you in which all I would do is to ask for your help and fight all the negativities away. I have so much on my plate right now that I feel so drained already."

He nodded and that made me feel relieved. "Alright. I understand what you mean now. But we can make a way, Rainha. For starters, we can keep this as a secret first so that the people around us will not target you, if that's what is worrying you. I will also promise to protect you."

"Thank you, but that is not what I want in my relationship. I am not good with hiding and keeping secrets, so that would be a pain in the ass for me. I just want to do things at my pace... And right now, my focus is on finding my Aunt. I hope you understand that."

"I do, Rainha. Believe me, I understand your concerns. And I can accept if you are still not ready, but let me just tell you this anyway. I like you too. I think that I am in love with you too, and I can no longer hide it. I am not scared about anything, Rainha. I will do my best to make this work, but if you are still not ready then I will accept that."

"Thank you. Thanks for understanding. I just don't want to be that type of person who does things recklessly because I am not mentally strong enough to handle all the things that will arise the moment the whole kingdom finds out that we are a couple. That will be the death of me, if that happens. Plus, I have a lot of things to fix too, other than finding Aunt Milca. Everyone thinks that I am dating a guy already. So I need to fix that too."

"Alright. Fair point. But please don't be in love with someone else, Rainha."

"That will not happen," I told him with a smile. "I just said that I can't handle being in a relationship right now so I don't think I will be able to fall in love with another guy. That would be a luxury that I will never have."

"Then promise me," he said. "Promise me that you will accept me as your boyfriend."

"I will," I told him. "I promise. Once everything falls into place. And once I find out what happened to my Aunt, I think that time I will be ready to face another challenge. But as of the moment, please give it to me first, Prince Kao. But don't get me wrong. I am the happiest woman in all of Aure right now because of what you told me. I just don't have the energy and courage to accept it. That is why I told you earlier that you still don't deserve me."

"It doesn't matter to me," he said. "Whether you feel like that, whether you think that you have to be your best if you want to have a relationship with me, I don't care about things like that, to be honest with you. I like you and I love you and that's it. I don't even know when did I start feeling this for you, but that is the truth. So don't worry about things like that, Rainha. It does not count for me."

I nodded, hiding my tears because I was touched by his choice of words. "Thank you, Prince Kao. Thank you for that. I appreciate it, but I hope that you just let me be in the meantime."

"Yeah, I will. If it's that important to you, then I will respect that and wait for you. But always remember that I will never ask anything from you in return other than your love." As he said that I felt my heart beat wildly, which made me wonder if I will be able to survive this night without fainting from too much happiness. I don't think I can, as this was the best moment of my life so far.