Chapter 23
860 Words
23
‘Come on, just one more,’ Ryan said, standing to take the empty glasses to the bar. ‘We’re all having one.’
‘You’ve all got to be in at eight tomorrow morning,’ Culverhouse said, starting to slur slightly. ‘And so have I.’
‘And we will. That’s hours away yet. Anyway, call it a team bonding exercise. Besides, you’ll have to leave the car at work anyway now, so the walk home and back again in the morning will sort you right out.’
Culverhouse let out a grunt that told Ryan he didn’t necessarily agree but wasn’t going to argue.
With another round of drinks on the table, and thanks given to the landlord for letting them stay well beyond last orders, Ryan wasted no time in getting to the point.
‘A friend of mine was in here the other night,’ she said, taking a sip of her drink. ‘He went on a date from one of those apps.’
Ryan, Wendy and Steve tried to look at Culverhouse to gauge his reaction without making it too obvious they were watching him. He didn’t seem to be responding at all, but was watching the flashing lights on the fruit machine near the toilets.
‘Yeah? How did it go?’ Steve asked, sounding suspiciously enthusiastic.
‘Well, he didn’t go back to his that night if that’s what you’re asking,’ Ryan said, squirming as Steve belted out an elongated, forced laugh.
Culverhouse looked at him. ‘What the f**k’s wrong with you?’
‘Me? Nothing. Why?’
‘No reason. Just remind me not to order whatever that is you’re drinking.’
‘You ever been on one of those?’ Ryan asked Culverhouse, while his attention was back on the table.
‘One of what?’
‘Dating apps. I was just saying a friend of mine’s on one and he’s ploughing through the town like Don Juan.’
Culverhouse raised his eyebrows. ‘Good for him. Should keep the local STD clinic in business.’
‘Ah, come on. It’s only a bit of fun, isn’t it?’ Wendy chipped in.
Culverhouse looked at her, c*****g his head slightly. ‘Are you on them?’
Wendy tried to work out the subtext of his question, but she couldn’t. Instead, she decided to answer honestly. ‘Me? No.’
‘Have you seriously never tried them?’ Ryan asked him.
‘Obviously not,’ the DCI replied. ‘Why would I?’
‘Because that’s how things are done nowadays, isn’t it? You don’t need to worry about going out to places and hoping that someone you’re attracted to turns up at the same place at the same time and wants to talk to you. You just browse through, see who takes your fancy and either swipe left or right.’
Culverhouse took a large gulp of his beer. ‘Sounds like a f*****g Argos catalogue.’
Ryan considered this for a moment. ‘Yeah, if you like. And if the same person sees your profile and likes you too, they swipe the same way and it pops up as a match.’
‘Then what?’ Culverhouse asked, starting to sound vaguely interested.
‘Then you can send them a message. Get chatting, find out a bit more about each other, meet up if you want to. It’s ideal for people who are busy with work and don’t get to go out and socialise and meet new people.’ She watched Culverhouse for a reaction, but got none. ‘Here, give me your phone and I’ll show you.’
‘Bugger off, use yours,’ Culverhouse replied.
‘I can’t do that, can I? I’ve got a partner. Wouldn’t look too good if I was on dating apps.’
Culverhouse sat back and folded his arms. ‘Yeah, well I don’t particularly fancy people spotting me on there either.’
‘Why not? Almost every person in the country who’s single is on them. Guaranteed. And anyway, you can set it so certain people can’t see you. You can change the settings so only women of a certain age can see your profile, or people from a specific geographical area. It’s safe. Believe me.’
The DCI narrowed his eyebrows. ‘How do you know?’
‘I’m twenty-five,’ Ryan replied, chuckling. ‘It’s how things are done these days. Seriously, just pass me your phone and I’ll show you. You don’t have to make your profile public or anything. I’ll just show you how it works.’
Culverhouse, sensing he wasn’t going to get any peace, fished his phone out of his pocket and slid it across the table towards Ryan.
‘What’s the unlock code?’ Ryan asked, before picking up the phone.
‘The what now?’
‘The unlock code. The pin number.’
Culverhouse shook his head. ‘Haven’t got one.’
‘They always say coppers are the worst with security,’ Steve remarked.
Once Ryan had downloaded and installed the app on Culverhouse’s phone, she opened it up and started to configure it. ‘How tall are you?’ she asked.
Culverhouse shrugged.
‘Shall we say six foot? Most women wouldn’t go for anything under. Sorry Steve. Right. Hobbies and interests. Minimum of fifty characters.’
‘How many letters in “f**k all”?’
Ryan laughed. ‘Not enough. Shall I put travelling and seeing the world, good food, fine wine, great company?’
Culverhouse snorted. ‘Women like six-foot liars, do they?’
‘It’s not about lying. It’s about making a good first impression.’
‘By lying.’
‘By bending the truth slightly. Now. A picture. Sit back, look relaxed and smile.’
Steve let out a huge belly laugh. ‘Hah! Smile! Talk about breaking new horizons.’
‘f**k off, Steve,’ Culverhouse replied, before leaning back in his chair, casually draping his arm over the one next to him and forcing the most awkward looking grin any of them had ever seen.
Wendy tried her hardest not to laugh, and instead buried her face in her drink.
‘Yeah, try not to force it,’ Ryan said. ‘Just relax your face and think of something that made you really happy.’
Culverhouse seemed to pause for a moment, before finding something in his memory bank. The smile seemed warm and genuine, and left Wendy wondering what could have been the thought that went through his mind at that moment.
‘Lovely,’ Ryan said. ‘That looks great.’
‘Now what?’
‘Now we get swiping.’
- Writer
