I Can't Breathe Without You

Chapter 2

I said, barely raising my voice above a whisper, "I am going to the club."

Sandra reached out and touched my arm, her face darkening with worry. She seemed to be trying to anchor me before I did something I would later regret, as evidenced by her firm but gentle grip.

"Mary, please," she said in a sympathetic yet urgent tone. "We did not mean to cause you any harm."

I forced myself to look into her eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat.

But you deserve to know the truth,” she added. He is out having the time of his life, and you are sitting here waiting for a call that might never come. Mary, you do not deserve this. He does not deserve to play you, and you are letting it happen right now.

Her words were sharp and stinging, like a slap.

A sudden, hot rage flared in my chest. "Please do not say anything, Sandra!" My voice trembled as I almost screamed. Have I ever voiced my grievances to you regarding John? Have I indicated that there is a problem between us or that we got into a fight?

The air between us crackled like an exposed wire as the room tensed.

Always the mediator, Juliet put a hand on Sandra's shoulder and gently asked her to back off. Her voice was firmer but softer as she turned to face me.

"Mary, nobody is attempting to take over your life. We simply wanted to share our observations with you," she said softly. "We are your pals. We are concerned about your physical and mental health. Furthermore, we cannot watch you make what could be the most significant error of your life.

The ideas in my head violently clashed with their words.

My desire was to deny it.

I wished there had been some miscommunication, some error.

I was loved by John.

Together, we had planned our future.

How could he simply leave without saying anything? Without a reason?

My mind was stuck between what I knew and what I feared was true, and I felt as though I was drowning.

I sank slowly onto the edge of my bed and buried my face in my trembling hands.

A dense and oppressive silence enveloped us.

After hesitating, Juliet sat next to me, her presence a silent solace. She simply remained without saying anything or pressing.

The hours passed slowly.

My friends eventually went to bed, leaving me in the living room by myself with just my thoughts.

I gazed at my phone, hoping it would turn on.

Perhaps I had overlooked something. Perhaps I had missed clues that others could see clearly.

With every unanswered text, my heart sank as I went through our old messages.

As I hovered over the last message I sent him, my breath caught. It had been easy:

"Hey, you are missed. Are you alright?

Read, but do not respond.

The back of my eyes pricked with tears.

I gave up on getting any sleep at almost three in the morning. My mind kept racing, repeatedly reliving the previous few months of our relationship.

Was it authentic? Or had I been a victim of a well-planned delusion?

My phone buzzed just as I was starting to feel exhausted.

My fingers shook as I grabbed it, my heart leaping.

Did John do it?

Had he made up his mind to give an explanation?

My chest gave out in disappointment as I unlocked my phone while holding my breath.

I had made a pointless transaction earlier in the day, and it was just a bank notification.

I felt a sob escape my throat.

The speed at which hope filled me and then was shattered in a matter of seconds was pitiful.

Why did he not call?

Why did not he simply speak up?

By morning, I was completely exhausted.

Even though it was six in the morning when the sun broke through the curtains, the night seemed to have lasted forever.

I groaned as someone knocked on my door. I initially disregarded it because I was too exhausted to handle whatever was waiting for me on the other side.

However, I sighed and forced myself to open it when the knocking returned, this time more forceful and insistent.

Sandra and Juliet stood there looking determined and concerned at the same time.

Their eyes widened at the sight of me.

The rumpled clothes I had not bothered to change, the disarray in my normally tidy room, and the dark circles under my eyes were all things I knew they saw.

It was Juliet who broke the silence first.

"Mary," she murmured. "You are not feeling well."

I forced a sour laugh and rolled my eyes. "Do you need me to explain it to you?"

Sandra folded her arms. "You are hiding in your room, skipped dinner last night, and now you are acting like everything is fine?" She gave a headshake. "Mary, nobody is buying it."

As she moved closer, her voice became softer. "Look, let us go grab some food together. If you do not want to, we do not have to discuss last night. However, you must eat. You must take action.

I paused, looking down at my feet.

She was correct.

I could not continue to hide from this.

I nodded and inhaled deeply. "All right. However, prior to that... I must see John.

Juliet's eyes grew a little wider. "You intend to visit his apartment?"

With my choice solidifying in my chest, I nodded. "I must speak with him. I have to see him in person.

It appeared as though Sandra was about to argue, but I interrupted her.

I insisted, "It must be just me." "It will feel like an attack if you both show up. Furthermore, I do not want to give him any more excuses to lie if what you witnessed is true.

They gave in after a moment, but not with joy.

Juliet whispered, "If you need anything, just text us."

I said, "I will."

I headed to John's apartment with my heart thumping in my chest.

The weight of uncertainty made every step feel heavier, and the walk seemed longer than usual.

I hesitated when I got to his door.

I rapped once. No response.

I knocked again, more forcefully.

Quiet.

Naturally, he did not answer when I tried to call him.

A sinking sensation took hold of me.

Answers were not going to come to me today.

I wandered aimlessly until I came to a small café because I had nowhere else to go.

The aroma of warm bread and freshly brewed coffee enveloped me, but it did not do much to relieve the pain in my chest.

I became aware of something as I sat there and gazed at the menu in blankness.

I had been anxiously awaiting John's explanation for a long time.

However, perhaps I did not require his justification.

Perhaps I knew the answer already.

Additionally, it is possible that John Brown had changed since I first fell in love with him.