The Chronicles of Enoch

I “Krampus”-2

“She, of course, had such an easy time of it right?”

Asmodeus smiled and leaned back in his seat, letting his little legs dangle just shy of the floor. He swayed them about. Marcia O’Brien, African-American and Puerto Rican she was 100% American and 100% female. America; the actual last country in this Civilised World people were always talking about to have a female Head of State! Even Pakistan, considered behind America, had already had one in the form of Benazir Bhutto. Margaret Thatcher had been respected around the world though not close to so universally in her own country. The whole country had been divided during her campaign and had become even more so during her two terms in the Oval Office. She had won by a crushing landslide the first time around, and many people thought that this was going to be the end of the corrupt and old-boy led Washington Establishment. Of course, that was naïve in the extreme, as President O’Brien soon found out for herself. They obstructed and blocked every move she made and bill she tried to pass. Had she walked into Congress and declared it a fine day outside; half would immediately and vehemently disagree, half would declare that, once again, a socialist President was trying to control how people should view things, right up to and even including the weather; why must it be fine? Might we not consider the poor American people who are suffering due to a lack of adequate air-conditioning? Air-conditioning her government was trying to take away or control?

Humans! He muttered to himself. They make our job so easy, all by themselves. Sometimes we are playing catch up with them! So many Americans; women, people of colour and immigrants rejoiced; those of a more liberal political leaning, the poor, the hard-working single-parent families; all these people who had been so long ignored were now in the limelight. She forced through bills which made their lives easier, she tried to take on the giant Medical Insurance and Big Pharma companies, she tried to give to America what many countries of the – here it is again, that odd term – Civilised World already enjoyed and had for some time now, without turning into Russians, Cubans or the Chinese, as so many confused Americans seemed to think would now happen. She took them on and she failed. Not spectacularly but enough to steal some of that fire she had entered office with. She accepted the reality and so, in her second term, tried to use the System against itself and hand her opponents just enough rope to hang themselves with. It turned out they were smarter than that, or at least the sources of all their money - the largest donors of which were right here in this room – were. She made some small and relatively insignificant changes but not enough. Dispirited, her former army drifted off into apathy. So it had remained; dejectedly apathetic.

Now, consider America. One thinks that racism would be killed off quickly by a having a President of mixed race. One would think that having a female President would eliminate discrimination towards the female and make life better for this half of the population. You’d think that President O’Brien achieving such high office would be a herald for positive change. You could think that but, if you did, you did not truly understand America and Her people.

Racism was not dead, instead of defeating this idiotic distinction based upon epidermal melanin levels and the supposed superiority of those who either had more or less pigmentation, it polarised the country further. Alright, Asmodeus and his family had helped things along: pushed the right buttons and disseminated the right stories but most of it had been done by the humans on their own. It served the Fallen’s purpose to keep them divided up and foment conflicts but most of the time, the human race did pretty well without their – aha – assistance.

“There were an awful lot of people out there who felt significantly threatened by the fact that not only was a woman abandoning her childbearing and housekeeping duties. Scandalised, shocked and dismayed that she was daring to forget her place; trying to tell them how to live their lives and what to do! Adding to the abject horror, it was a woman who looked rather dark-skinned doing it!” He smiled at how stupid that sounded, and let them all chuckle along. “You know how polarised this country was before O’Brien came along but look how much worse it got afterward, as it were.”

“That is why I prefer where I live!” Sammael declared with a laugh. “I never understand you Americans. You need to be more like Italians!”

“How? Have a heart attack everything your soccer team loses?” Abaddon quipped, caused Asmodeus to blink at him in shock. The moon was wetter than Abaddon, he did not joke.

“It is called Football because the players use their feet,” Sammael said primly. “Soccer is a silly, made-up American name.”

That Abaddon let that jab go with a smirk made Asmodeus feel even more unsettled. This is weird.

Lucifer gave them all a long-suffering look and that, too, seemed odd to Asmodeus. He raised his eyebrows and gave a tired smile. “So that means that there are an awful lot of Americans who would actually welcome the change Horn is promising and share the more extreme views he spouts off about.”

Asmodeus sighed and spoke up. “KKK, Nazis, going nuts for the ones who lost their Civil War, infighting and battling over stupidities...I sometimes feel like joining Azazel,” He paused, eyes sweeping the room and enjoying the expressions. “Then I remember I am not an i***t!”

Lead balloons had fallen more slowly than his joke did. They simply ignored it.

“If there were ever concrete evidence that random evolution is bullshit, that is it.” Sammael said as if his little brother hadn’t spoken. “Humans say they evolved from predators, yet every day demonstrate more and more how they are like cattle. Like sheeps or cows.”

“Sheep.” Abaddon corrected, drily.

“Sheeps, cows, horse, donkey, same thing.” Sammael lifted his nose.

Again Abaddon let it go. Is he on Prozac or something? Asmodeus worried.

Lucifer pressed on, ignoring them all. He’s worried, that’s what it is, it has to be.

“There are a lot of people who are, to be frank, objectionable and small-minded little shits who feel that their right to judge people unfairly and feel superior was stolen unjustly away from them. To them; being able to hate everyone they want to and have guns is more important than being right. Being able to say they are good Christians is more important than actually being one –“

“Like half of Vatican City!” Sammael jumped in.

“And that having some uppity half N-word woman jump around telling them what to do was a clear sign that the End of the World was nigh.” He laughed. “They do not know that it actually is; that is information that only those present in this room are privy to!”

“Change,” Penumael said. “Humans really do not like it.”

“Not even the Progressives like progress, I know.” Lucifer smiled. “Half of America would gladly go back to how things were after the civil war.”

“And the other half want to have a rematch!” Abaddon completed the old joke.

Lucifer grinned. No, he’s in a good mood! That’s so novel that it’s scary. So used have we become to the dour and sullen Lucifer that seeing him happy is like hearing a dog miaow or asking you to get to the point and explain all this Good Boy business and why knowing who he is seems so important.

“They do, progress is the enemy. Change is scary. As Sammael so drily observed, humans did not evolve from a predator because they mostly lack the hunter’s mindset. The herd fears change because change means death. The true predator does not because they are death.” He showed his teeth for effect, which drew a lot of laughter. “The lion fears not the Chihuahua no matter how loudly it barks. So, we have James Horn who not only represents the complete lie which is the American Dream (guy born to rich family manages to get even richer, a true man of the people) but he represents the kind of change these people like; the type which isn’t.”

“Isn’t what?” Abaddon was perplexed.

“Isn’t actually change or is ‘change’ back to the way things were before the change they don't like happened.” He explained patiently, somewhat irritated that his pun had flown over most of their heads. “They want more and more of the same. That is the reason Horn’s restaurants – and all the others just like them – became so popular and also why Horn himself is now so popular.”

“He’s actually a lot smarter than they give him credit for,” Asmodeus observed. “Objectionable and self-serving little piece of s**t but very good at it. I’d keep an eye on him, he’ll surprise you one of these days.”

“Exactly, he saw a gap in the market, as it were, and forced it open –“ Lucifer began.

“Until all the s**t came flying out and he loved it, gleefully rolled in it. Just like the pig we all, regardless of our apparent gender biases, know him to be.” Penumael cut him off, a nasty sneer on her face.

“All that s**t is going to get up really early, form calm and orderly lines at their Polling Places and put a check mark next to the name James O. Horn for President,” Lucifer said quietly.

“As interesting as this anthropology lesson has been, Luce, what exactly has it got to do with us, except provide entertainment?”

Lucifer made an expansive gesture to the little demon who had been trying to appear innocuous until that moment. He had been fiddling with his tail and now froze like a dog caught with its nose in the place its nose is not supposed to go. “Krampus.”

“So you said before but I –“

Lucifer picked up the menu and flicked it with a fingernail, causing a sharp bap noise. “Krampus”

Four sets of blank eyes met his. Krampus had decided to continue the study of his tail, it was safer.

“Nobody?” Lucifer said after a few moments to give them time to think. Four heads shook from side to side slowly and one German night-haunt smoothed its appendage. “Really?”

Four heads nodded the answer to be yes, really.

“When did you all get to be so dense?” Lucifer held up his hands. “I’m surrounded by idiots now am I?”

Everyone kept their expressions carefully bland. They were all aware of Lucifer’s love of pantomime; for building up and creating the right level of drama. They knew what he was doing but they did not want him to know that they knew and maybe ruin this strangely good mood he was in. They all knew that Lucifer was more bipolar than a malfunctioning electromagnet and thought they knew how to avoid setting him off. Silence was the current consensus.

“Krampus, the German demon who punished the naughty children Saint Nicklaus has – aha – judged unworthy of gifts that year.” Again he indicated the nervous creature. It looked up from its tail inspection once more.

“Ja, that is me, sir.”

“And where is it, Krampus, that you go for the rest of the year? I mean, you come out for Krampusnacht, KrampusFest or whatever, blend with the revellers and chuckle at their comments about how amazing your costume looks.”

“Ja, of course, I think it is funny.” It smoothed its tail.

“You carry a few – ah – meals away with you I assume, of the prepubescent variety. Old Nick isn’t there anymore so you do the judging yourself now right?”

“Ja. The lascivious, the ones who insult and rage at their parents; those were always the rules.”

“Good!” Lucifer’s expression did not demonstrate this word’s positivity. “And for the rest of the year, do you hide in a cave, trembling in fear that the parents will rouse up the village, the city now I suppose, to hunt you down with torches and farm implements?”

“Nein, meister.” Krampus looked genuinely perplexed though whether it was the imagery Lucifer used which was doing that we do not know. “I take on my new shape for the year and hide in plain sight.”

“You do what?” Lucifer let his eyes go wide and mouth slack. “How?”

“One of my – em – guests, I suppose, will not be frozen to eat later, I will become them until just before Krampusnacht the next year.”

“You become them?”

“Ja. What you see here will be indistinguishable from the original and the – eh – donor, becomes a dried up bag of skin and bones.”