My Perfect Marriage

Chapter31

After driving for minutes, Sophia arrives at a tranquil place, a location she rarely visits. Today, however, she feels a compelling need to be here. She finds herself overwhelmed by a million conflicting emotions and thoughts that have led her to this very spot. Standing before her parents' graves, laid side by side, Sophia is surprised to find that no tears come, despite expecting them during the drive. The ache for her parents intensifies after the tumultuous day she has had, leaving her feeling lost and as if everything is spiraling out of control.

Sophia carefully places the bouquets she purchased on the way here in front of the graves and gently dusts off the dark grey marble stones. As she touches the faces in the pictures engraved on the shiny surfaces, it stirs up painful memories, just as it has always done. Sophia realizes that she has never truly confronted her grief or allowed herself to fully mourn their loss. She finds herself unsure about how to begin that process.

Contrary to her façade in front of Celine White, deep down, Sophia knows that things are falling apart and her conflict with Leon will only worsen. This is only the beginning. The Hale family is unraveling, and whatever choice is made tomorrow will profoundly alter their lives. Sophia finds herself overwhelmed with emotions regarding her mother, Leon, and the mess they are in. She comes to the realization that she cannot undo any of it. Despite appearing confident in front of the woman she confronted, Sophia secretly doubted the outcome. She senses that the woman is the type who would prioritize Leon, but she also understands that he will never yield if she were to confront him with this information.

"If you saw who I've become... would you still be proud of me?" Sophia lowers her head, her gaze fixed on her own feet. Self-hatred flushes her face and warms her cheeks. The pain in her heart intensifies, causing her insides to contract.

"I've tried so hard. I've done everything they asked of me. So why do I still feel this emptiness inside? Why does it seem like the uphill battle never ends, and the slope only gets steeper? I don't know how much longer I can keep climbing."

With trembling hands caused by the cold air and her inner distress, Sophia carefully transitions from standing to kneeling before her parents' graves. She reflects on how different things might have been if her mother, Hale, had been a gentle guiding force in her life when she needed it most. Sophia feels as if she has let both of her parents down. As she looks in the mirror, she no longer recognizes the person she has become. She can't recall what it was like to truly feel loved as a daughter, as a child. Finally, a tear wells up in her eye, making its way down her cheek, opening the floodgate to a rush of emotions.

"Leon just wants to be happy in his own way, and yet... I can't allow him to find that happiness. I can't bear the thought of him leaving me, as everything in my life is intertwined with him. The prospect of a divorce and failure fills me with a sense of worthlessness and shame, particularly under my mother's judgment. The thought of both of us continuing to work at POLO after all that has transpired leaves me feeling uncertain and lost. I yearns for guidance," feeling utterly clueless about what she should do in this situation."

As the shivers intensify, violent shakes rack Sophia's body, the temperature dropping rapidly. A chilling breeze cuts through the fabric of her suit, causing her nose to run, yet her focus remains solely on her parents and the deep longing she feels for their presence.

An overwhelming realization strikes Sophia as she reflects on her actions, having threatened a girl and even Leon with the intention of destroying their lives. The weight of this truth weighs heavily on her, and she descends ungracefully from her knees to sitting on the ground. Silent tears continue to fall, expressing her profound sadness and the despair that has settled deep within her. With a sense of numbness, her fingers curl into the damp, cold grass, carelessly tearing strands from the ground.

Exhaustion engulfs Sophia, leaving only a tiny flicker of her true self inside. She is scared that going down this path will extinguish that little trace of herself entirely. She cannot fathom the idea of not fighting back; her entire being depends on it. Even if Leon were to harbor hatred towards her forever, even if he never forgives her, she believes she can endure that. However, the thought of living without him by her side becomes unbearable. The looming question of what she would do if Leon were to leave consumes her. This scenario is all she has ever been prepared for, all her mother and others have instilled in her. If it were all to crumble away, Sophia finds herself lost and uncertain of what lies ahead.

A poignant realization settles within Sophia's consciousness. Despite her intelligence, talents, and promising future, she understands that from an early age, she was merely seen as a vessel to carry on her family's legacy — a means to support their chosen son as the future ruler of their empire. Although she can logically comprehend this reality and despise it, it doesn't change how she feels deep inside. Sophia feels like an object, a tool, her inability to let go of Leon stemming from the value they instilled within her. Without him, she struggles to find purpose and feels unable to function alone.

Fear ensnares Sophia as she contemplates the choice Leon will ultimately make. She suspects, deep down, that she has already lost him ─ that he will never see her in the same light she sees him. The prospect of facing the world after such a devastating realization fills her with dread. How can she hold her head high and carry on? The weight of an unbearable sense of inadequacy looms over her, while Leon appears to glide away into a future filled with the potential for real happiness and love. She questions whether she, too, deserves such fulfillment.

Bowing her head, Sophia shakes it, causing more tears to cascade down her nose and chin. The droplets fall into her lap, creating a splotchy, damp patch, representing her overwhelming sadness and despair.