DARK DAYS WITHOUT YOU

CHAPTER 4: Changes

I can't continue the present if I'm still holding on in the past every single day. Time flies so fast, it's Monday already. I woke up early and prepare to go to school. While waiting for the bus, I remember my Dad waving goodbye and smiling at me. One of the most precious moments I'll never forget. I found out that my Dad has a separate savings for my education that's why I really composed myself and continue my studies tho he isn't here anymore.

I finally seen my friends after a long time that I'd stayed in the hospital. I want to cry in front of them but I can't, they look at me as a strong person ever since. I'm about to enter our classroom when they suddenly hug me tight, that's when I didn't realized my eyes burst into tears. I don't have nothing to say, I just wanna hug them too. I never thought I'd be this emotionally weak in front of them. Usually, I'm the clown, the joker and the cheerer. I can't be like this for now, I'm really broke and devastated. I don't know how to start again, it's a feeling that can't be taken away by anyone.

I chose to focus on my studies all day long. For a short time I forgot all my problems but everytime there's nothing I can do it's just very sad. Class already ended and I'm going home again knowing that no one is waiting for me. Instead of going straight to our house..., I went to the cemetery to see my Dad. Dry leaves is scattered all over. I just sit beside his tomb full of silence. Everytime I went here the sky is very dark, it's about to rain again, I don't know maybe he doesn't want me to stay there too late. After almost 4 hours I decided to go home.

While staring at the ceiling of my room, I remember that the day before he's been hospitalized he gave me a book. I'm curious about it, I never read it since the day he gave it to me. The book is all about the love of father to his daughter. It doesn't have a title. It is fully hand written. I don't know where my Dad get that book but it's a really good one, it feels like it is our own story. Every single word that is used really gives me comfort. It made me smile, a genuine smile that is rare since he's gone. I'm not interested about it when Dad gave it to me, I thought it's just another random book about academic stuffs something like that. I appreciate him more and more as I continue to read every single page. It's the most relatable book I ever read.

I continue reading it even at school, lunchtime or any free hours until I finally reached its last chapter. I'm not contented about the way how the story ends, there's so many blank pages and it feels like it's all wasted.