Return Of The Wife

Chapter 8

[8] Reminisce and Nursery

I applied a darker shade of red for my lipstick and a single coat of  mascara. Naglagay rin ako ng kaunting blush on at dark na eyeshadow. I twisted my hair into a messy bun that complimented my look, as well as my outfit for the evening. I have chosen to wear a black fitted dress na umaabot hanggang sa gitna ng hita ko with matching three-inched heel na bigay sa 'kin ni Aby last week.

I scanned myself infront of my mirror and I saw a sophisticated young woman standing before me. An aura that emphasizes all her achievements in life and a glow that gives the world a hint that she is ready to conquer all.

I smiled.

Everytime I looked at my own reflection in front of a mirror, I asked myself questions. Nasaan na kaya ang simpleng Yara, the girl who was very timid, shy and gullible. The girl who loves being a masochist, the girl who loves to hurt herself.

But then, the harder I think, the more I end up laughing. Bakit ko nga ba iniisip pa ang mga bagay na wala namang kuwenta. Thinking of the past makes me sick, as well as reminiscing all of the pain. And as far as I remember, I already burried the old version of myself six feet under. At walang sinoman ang makakapagbalik ng dating ako.

I've been through a lot of hardships at wala akong balak na balikan pa ang mga iyon. I do not have any plans on repeating the same song over and over again. I do not have the time to repeat history.

I changed, pain does that to people.

"Mommy I had a bad dream po." I looked at my daughter who was already standing beside me. Wearing her pajamas and carrying her stuffed toy. Kinusot-kusot pa niya ang mata niya.

I smiled and lowered down myself para pumantay sa kaniya.

"Do you want Miyang to accompany you tonight?" I asked her. Tinignan niya lang ako at marahan na umiling.

"No po, I can sleep alone because I'm a big girl already Mommy." She said at sinuri ang itsura ko. "Where are you going Mom?" She asked.

"May pupuntahan lang si Mommy, Je reviens. Okay?"

"Okay po."

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at hinalikan siya sa noo. I stood up and walked her back to her room. Inihiga niya sa tabi niya si Thomas na kaniyang stuffed toy at inayos ko naman ang kumot niya. I kissed her once more and gave her a serene smile.

"Bonne nuit, my darling." I said and then quietly left her room. Nang tuluyan ko nang maisara ang pinto ay saka lamang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Mabuti na lamang at inaantok na siya kaya't hindi na siya nakapag-tanong pa. Kapag kasi gising na gising siya ay napaka-matanong niya.

She would question me until I gave her the right answer.

Hindi ko na kinatok pa si Miyang sa kuwarto niya dahil alam na niya na aalis ako. I told her already kung ano ang dapat niyang gawin. Hindi ko naman maasahan si Terrence sa pag-aalaga kay Gerry dahil biglaan itong umalis kahapon dahil pinatawag siya ng mommy niya. Aby and Alex went to Europe for Aby's fashion show, ang mga bata naman ay iniwan nila sa Mama't Papa ni Alex. So the only one left to look after Gerry tonight is Miyang, and I really hope na tanda niya lahat ng binilin ko.

I even wrote it in a piece of paper and posted it on the refrigerator's door.

"Let's get this over with," I whispered as I get in the car. Pinaandar ko na iyon patungo sa condo ni Damien. Kung saan kami dating magkasama.

Of all places ay doon pa talaga, he told me bago siya umalis kanina na iintayin niya ako. He even told me ro get the key under the rug dahil may pupuntahan pa raw siya. Tsk, if I know ay i-indian-in niya ako.

Habang papunta ako sa condominium ay pabilis nang pabilis ang t***k ng puso ko. The heartbeats are uncontrollably fast and hard. Na para bang inaatake ako ng asthma. It was like having a nervous breakdown. Nagiging malamig na rin ang mga palad ko at kahit na ganoon ay pinagpapawisan pa rin ang mga ito.

After a few minutes ay nakarating na ako sa parking lot ng condo. I parked my car near the elevator para madaling umalis kapag may hindi magandang nangyari. I breathed in and tried to open the lock but to no avail. Hindi magawang kumilos ng mga kamay ko na nananatili sa manibela. I felt uneasy at ramdam ko na parang babaliktad ang sikmura ko.

It was like having a cold feet na ayaw mo nang tumuloy at nagdadalawang-isip ka pa.

"Come on Yara, kaya mo 'to. All you need is to eat dinner with the man you once loved. What else could go wrong?" I gritted my teeth as I recite those plastic words.

True, kinakabahan ako dahil after all those years ay makakasama ko ulit kumain ang lalaking kinamumuhian ko. I 'll just calm myself at huwag mag-isip ng kung anu-ano dahil baka kung ano pa ang mangyari at makulong ako. I might commit an immortal sin by killing that jerk.

I breath in sharply at dumiretso na sa elevator.

The music was softly playing. I closed my eyes and then clenched my fists as I remember that sweet music.  The same music that was playing on our most memorable moment, all together with the same place and same time.

"Babe," tawag sa 'kin ni Damien after pushing the button.

Lumingon lang ako sa kaniya ng saglit dahil abala ako sa binabasa kong libro.

Natahimik siya ng sandali pero laking gulat ko nang hilahin niya ako palapit sa kaniya. He lifted my chin using his index finger and he claimed my lips.

His soft lips gently brushed against my lips felt like magic. He was kissing me passionately, gently and full of love hanggang sa pareho na kaming kapos ng hininga. He cupped my face as he smiled, the kind of smile that would melt my heart.

He kissed me on my forehead, down to my nose. Pero parang inaasar niya ako dahil nagtungo ang mga labi niya sa gilid ng labi ko. I groaned in frustration but he chuckled.

"I love you." He said and claimed my lips once more.

I was back to reality nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng elevator. I was already at the same floor I used to walk on. I took another step and turn left para makarating sa tapat ng unit ni Damien.

I followed his instruction to use the spare key under the rug. Kinuha ko iyon at ipinasok sa susian ng pinto. I heard a familiar clicking sound as I gently opened the door. It was dark inside, nothing but the glow of candles above the table. Mayroon din na scented canldes ang nakapatong sa sahig at may mga rose petals na nagkalat.

I went in at nakita ang dating ayos ng kuwartong minsan nang naging parte ng buhay ko.

The table was set for two, the wine and plates are already prepared. It was a very romantic scene, I must say pero I couldn't appreciate it. How can I? Kung ako pa siguro ang dating Yara ay matutuwa ako sa ginawa niya but then, I have changed.

Pumunta ako sa kusina pero wala akong Damien na nakita roon. I hissed dahil mukhang nagkatotoo ang iniisip ko kanina. He's sabotaging me. Asking me on a date but not showing his self. What a coward.

I was about to leave pero may isang kuwarto ang naagaw ang pansin ko. The room beside the master bedroom. Ang dating kuwartong tinuluyan ko the first few months of our wedding.

The door is not white anymore, it's already painted with pink and with flowers designed on it. Bigla na lamang bumilis ang t***k ng puso ko habang isa-isang mabibigat na hakbang ang aking ginagawa.

My hands were shaking as I reach for the knob.

I slowly opened the door and turned on the light. I gasped and automatically covered my mouth  nang makita kung anong nasa loob. The room was painted with lavander and with lightblue paint on the ceiling. It was filled with teddy bears and girly stuffs like barbies and doll houses.

Sa gitna ay may kulay pink na crib filled with shopping bags. Alam ko ang lamang ng mga iyon, it was baby dresses for out little angel. Ang huling ala-ala na meron ako bago mawala ang anak ko.

I looked at the wall, it was almost covered with giant letters spelling out my baby girl's name.

ZARI DARLIN

I tried my best not to cry pero hindi ko na napigilan pa. A tear fell as another replaced it. Lahat ng sakit na dulot ng pagkawala ng anak ko ay bumabalik sa 'kin. All the lies, the heartaches that I thought was long gone, they kept on coming back.

"You found my sanctuary," I looked at the man standing behind me. "Dito ako pumupunta everytime I remember you and Zari. This is my haven, our daughter's nursery." He stated. Pero masyadong okupado ang isip ko at hindi ko siya pinansin.

I choked. "Stop please...Tumigil ka na." I begged him while crying. All the emotions na pinaghalo-halo ang nararamdaman ko. The pain, the betrayal, the loss and the hatred.

I faced him, "Hindi pa ba sapat na sinaktan mo 'ko noon. Hindi pa ba sapat na nawala ang anak ko dahil sa mga ginawa niyong panloloko! At ngayon ay ipapaalala mo pa ang mga bagay na pilit kong kinakalimutan! How could you! How could you be so cruel!" I shouted at him at tuluyan nang umalis habang umiiyak.

I got into my car at nagmamadali na umalis. I don't know where am I going. Basta ang alam ko ay dapat akong lumayo sa kung nasaan man si Damien.

That's all his plan, to make me remember all the hurtful things I went through. Gusto niya talaga akong nasasaktan. Hanggang kailan ba siya magsasawa sa pagpapakasakit niya sa 'kin. He's nothing but a cruel monster who loves to hurt me.

I got out of the car and closed the door behind me.

I walked hanggang sa makarating ako roon. I lowered down at marahan na inalis ang damo na nakapalibot sa nitso niya. I cried once more as I looked upon her name that was carved on the marble.

Zari Darlin J. Tejares

"Anak, nandito na si Mommy." I said and smiled at my daughter's grave.

*****