Hidden Lycan. (COMPLETE)

Chapter twenty two

I didn't know what to do or think after the witches attacked. I was confused at how my lycan acted towards them. And I was honestly scared to death at her reaction. I never, never wanted to be a weapon, be a monster. But what was I now? What else could be used to describe me other than monster? I killed people. People who had a family. A mother a father, and I took their child from them. Who cared if they were weak in the covens eyes. They were still people, people who didn't deserve to die the way they did. 

"You should stop thinking about it." Lucas said gently as he sat beside me. I gave him a weak smile before turning back to look over the water. "How?" I asked him. "How can I stop thinking about it? I killed people Lucas. People with a family, people just following orders. They probably didn't want any part in the mission they were given. But since they were so low on the ranking they had no choice but to listen. And I killed them without a second thought, and for what? To protect all of you? You can protect yourselves I'm sure of it, And I'm sure my lycan knows. So why does she step in? Why does she put me through this?" 

Lucas started rubbing his hand up an down my back trying to soothe me, but nothing could help right now. My head was in chaos, my heart breaking for the families of my victims. "You don't understand Fallon." Lucas began. "You were no raised in our world so we can't expect you to understand so quickly. But a lycan don't think before they act. When someone they love, someone they claim is in danger, it's almost as if they lose all ability to think, they go feral almost. The person don't even have to be the lycan's mate, just someone they love and claimed as theirs. Lycan's make their own pack, and they base it on power and loyalty. They are different than we are." 

I stood abruptly and sighed. "I know." I fumed getting agitated. "All of you have explained this to me time and time again, but it don't make it any better. Why did I have to be a lycan? Why did this bloodthirsty soul have to put within me? I don't want to hurt people, I don't want to kill people. I don't want to be a monster Lucas, but that's exactly what I am." 

Lucas stood his face crumpling as he clasped my face between his hands. "Fallon stop. You are not a monster. You and your lycan are two different souls, two different beings. You are sweet and caring. You are loyal and talented, beautiful and unique. Your soul is pure. Your lycan, though not a monster is a wolf, and wolves don't ask questions, don't care about what happens when they protect what they love. So think about it like this. Your lycan is separate from you. What she does is on her, and what you do is on you. Let her worry about what she has done and what she is putting you through." 

I leaned into Lucas resting my face on his chest and wrapping my arms around his waist. His embrace was comforting, and something I really needed at the moment. My mind was still running a million miles a minute, but what he said makes some sense. She may be separate from me but she still uses me, my body. But he is right, she is not me and I am not her. Maybe I could think about it like that. It will be hard and take some getting use to, but I could try. It would help ease my guilt and heavy heart. 

"The house is clean now." Lucas whispered against my hair. "Are you ready to come in and eat?" The image of the women laying on the floor in puddles of blood flashed through my mind making me flinch. Lucas's embrace tightened "It's alright doll, I can bring your food out here and we can eat at the picnic table." I released a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "Thank you." I breathed. It was so low I didn't know if he heard me. But he pulled away and kissed my forehead. "You're welcome. Now go sit, we will bring the food out here." 

I nodded and headed to the picnic table while Lucas headed back inside to inform the others I guess. I hated that I was being such a burden to them over this. And I knew I would have to go back into the house eventually, especially if I wanted to go back to my room. I just couldn't do it right now, not so soon. I'd be happy to sleep outside tonight. It was a nice night, the autumn breeze was cool and stars shone brightly overhead. It was a perfect night to have a fire and sleep outdoors. 

"Are you alright?" The sudden sound of Xavier's voice startled me making me jump and a yelp escape me. He chuckled lightly as he sat beside me.  "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He may have apologized but I could tell he was amused by the smirk on his face. "Don't look so pleased." I teased bumping his ribs with my elbow. "It's not every day you can sneak up on a lycan." Xavier said with a wink. I just shook my head and turned to the food that was being placed on the table in front of us. 

Steak, potatoes, corn, rolls and macaroni. They really went all out tonight. I couldn't help but smile as I looked between all of them as we sat around the table outside. They all looked so content and happy. There was no sign of disgust or resentment towards me. "Thank you for doing this." I said to all of them. They each looked over to me at once. Concern was clear in all their eyes but there was something else there. Love maybe, adoration, respect? I didn't know, I couldn't really place it but whatever it was it made my heart swell as they looked at me that way. 

"We understand Fallon." Eli said gently before moving to make my plate. They all took such good care of me. They always made sure I got my food first. Didn't start eating until I took the first bite. One of them always checked and made sure I was safe in my room before they went to bed. Whatever the case was I came first and I loved them for it. It was more than I've ever had, more than I could have hoped for. I never expected to find people who cared for me the way these guys do, and I never wanted to give it up. Never wanted to give them up, never wanted to lose them. 

Sitting here now, with them surrounding me, seeing their smiles, hearing them talk and laugh as if nothing happened. I sort of understand my lycan's reaction. She didn't want to lose this any more than I did. She wanted to keep them. Keep them safe, keep them with us, keep them happy. She didn't want them to lose those smiles, or stop their laughter. It all made so much more sense now. And maybe it made me a monster, maybe it made me cruel or evil or whatever. But sitting here now I agree with her, I support what she did. Because if she hadn't there is no telling what would have happened, who or what we would have lost. And no matter the cost to my soul, I will never let this end.