Not everything is Dark and Light

Falling in Love in the Madness (part 1)

V

Vuren stared into the river as the last twinkled of sun light sparkled across the water.

They had been riding all day silently, only the muffled sobs of Nifeerein and the clattering of hooves on the rocky ground making breaking up the quiet sadness. The mountain pass was a little rougher that Vuren remembered with larger boulders having fallen from up high and taking with them sections of the road. It slowed their charge forward which angered Vuren who desired nothing more than to be riding full out. The slow pace put him on edge and he was constantly listening for any sound that resembled charging horses behind him. He was near constantly swivelling in his chair to look back but all he was met with was country road and the occasional puff of black smoke.

They spent the whole day on horseback with Nifeerein never once vocalising her clear and obvious protests. She wanted so much to stop and turn back. To give herself over the Jult and stop his rampage but she did not say anything as she knew Vuren would just bark at her about how stupid she was being. She could feel the hate and menace radiate from him like heat does from a fire and his closed fist and aggressive mannerisms made her keep her voice down. She understood his position and his more pragmatic response to what was going on but in Nifeerein’s mind all those deaths were her doing and she could not sleep at night knowing they had done and what she had allowed.

Nifeerein was inside the cave they were spending the night in curdle up under a blanket Vuren had provided. She could not sleep for whenever she closed her eyes she could see the face of the young woman she had befriend. She could see the hope in her eyes and how it faded from her. She remembered how cheerfully she talked and how that transformed into a horrific scream that will haunt her nightmares for years.

Nifeerein lay on her side in curling the blankets underneath her body to keep the heat in. She felt like crying but held it in as crying would let Vuren hear her and she did not want to alert him. She expected he would talk down to her, try to consult her while telling her it was necessary for her to live and them to die. She knew his ideology. She knew what he stood for. She knew he would say.

Or she thought she did as while she lay there but as she allowed the silence to overwhelm her she listened to the noises. The sound of the rive flowing nearby. The sounds of distant wolves. The winds blowing through the long grass. The sound of muffled sobbing.

Nifeerein sat up still keeping the blanket close to protect her from the nights cool wind. Her shoes barely kept in the heat and Nifeerein shivered as the hairs on her skin stood up. Rubbing her arms and feeling the goosebumps Nifeerein walked out of the cave mouth and looked over to Vuren who was sitting on a large rock near the riverside. His head was limp as he looked down in the slow-moving river with horror and sadness.

Nifeerein walked forward trying hard to be stealthy. She failed though as Vuren nearly immediately pulled out his kukri which was strapped to the back of his waist while his sword lay with the rest of his belongings in a clump beside Agro’s saddle. His armour was loosely chucked into the cave and the provisions the two had gathered were thrown down without thought. Vuren had gone to the rock the moment Nifeerein had gotten comfortable. He left under the guise that he would stand guard but now that Nifeerein looked at his face in the musk of the night she could see he was lying about his purpose. His tear-soaked cheeks told a very different story.

Nifeerein walked towards him as he sheaved his blade and turned from her in shame. He did not want her looking at her. He was meant to be her protector yet he was instead crying. He was supposed to be guardian yet instead of guarding he was feeling sorry for himself.

“You OK?” Nifeerein asked with uncertainty in her voice. She had never been someone’s confidant, she had never had to deal with something like this. The closest she had come was when the Moffat’s had began fighting over a particular duke and Nifeerein had to play peacekeeper. But Vuren was different. He was a man in pain and one who usually bore the face of stiff stoicism and now he was so fragile. He was a man that based his life on his ability to take action by now he was a useless mess. Nifeerein could see if hurt him but she did not know how to help him.

“Yeah.” Vuren bluntly answered her as he kept his face turned away from her.

Nifeerein did not ask any follow up questions instead slowly walking up to Vuren. She looked at his hunched-up shoulders as she continued on. Vuren was not moving but he still brought himself into himself in a defensive manner. He did not want Nifeerein to see him yet she persisted.

As she reached his side she could barely make out any of distinct features in the cool night and had to squint her eyes to see the red patches of skin underneath his eyes. The water had irritated his face and Nifeerein reached out to wipe away some of it. Her thumb softly brushed against his cheekbone while the rest of her hand gently curved round his jawline and nustled his beard. She did not need to ask the reason behind his tears as she knew it all too well she just kept holding him letting him know silently he was not alone.

She drew him in closer and pulled her arms around him. His harsh warrior exterior gave way as she pulled him in and he let his body sink into her arms. Her loosed his stance and his frame gave in on itself. He did not cry again but just allowed him to enjoy the comfort. To enjoy them company. Vuren had been brought up the hard way. One where getting emotional was seen as a weakness. It was never a direct lesson he was taught but something he picked up through osmosis in the school. The collection of stern-faced warriors were always seeing the worse that the world had to offer but kept a straight face about it. No one ever let out a call of emotional help, it was just more sarcasm and jokes. Vuren learned that defence too and whenever he was with anyone from the school that was not his sister he had the warrior face on. Even his long-time friends like Aaron and Skalbag never saw that sad side of him, all they saw was the jovial happy side of him where they only discussed sad matters in passing and never lingered on them. With Nifeerein though Vuren wanted to let her see it, he felt comfortable letting her see that side of him. He could not describe it but something deep within his soul make him feel comfortable around her. Something made him feel like Nifeerein understood him.

“Thank you.” He said to him and he leaned his head upon her own.

Nifeerein did not respond instead just continuing to hold him in a tight embrace. In that moment the outside world seemed to stop and everything Nifeerein had listened so carefully to while in the cave became irrelevant background noise as her sole focus was on Vuren.

Even though she knew he was in pain at the moment in time Nifeerein’s thoughts were not solely on helping him though as she felt them drift towards different things. She enjoyed the warmth of his arm and the strength she could feel in them. Though Vuren was not trying to he was putting a lot of weight on Nifeerein and feeling the strength he possessed made Nifeerein a bit starstruck. All her life she had been surrounded by weedy diplomats and skinny politicians while her contact with her guards was minimal. She always found them more attractive as their dedication to her protection as well as their more impression physique but whenever she was with any knights them were the older and more experienced ones. Her interactions with people her own age was limited as he parents continued their crusade to ensure the right suiter was found for her. She knew her duty to the crown came first. She knew her reason for being out here in the first place was to get her to marry the light elf prince. She knew she was not meant to feel this way for Vuren but everything about him was amazing to Nifeerein.

She pulled her head up forcing Vuren’s to move as well. She looked up at him with her emerald green eyes and Vuren swallowed at his attraction to her could not be hid in that moment. He was a crying mess of emotions and adding his unfounded attraction to Nifeerein into the mix made him feel even worse. Nifeerein did not see this conflict in his eyes though as she was too busy focusing on her own emotions to care.

She looked at him for a second before leaning in and kissing him softly on the lips. It was something she had not done before and she was very sloppy in its execution but she went for it anyway. She enjoyed the locking of their lips revelling in the fact it was her decision. Her desire was her own and not one crafted by her parents. She wanted this in a way she did not want the light elf prince. She wanted Vuren. She knew it was wrong. She knew her timing was awful. She knew her feelings might not be reciprocate but she did not care as this was her choice and one she would fail on by her won accord.

Vuren was in a state of shock. He did not know what to do. His mind was racing with disparate thoughts none of which he could focus on. All he could focus on was Nifeerein. Her lips were soft and warm. Her touch radiated a warmth capable of battling off the cold night breeze. Her heat and gentle nature comforted him in a way he had never felt before.

But suddenly Vuren pushed back. A wash of guilt and shame overcame him. Nifeerein could see it in his eyes. She could see the pain etched on his face. Vuren knew she could see it as she looked at him longingly. Neither had ever felt this way before but Vuren could not bring himself to do anything with her.

“I… i… I can’t” Vuren stuttered out uncomfortable with everything going on.

Nifeerein sighed and bowed her head. She understood but she still wanted more. She pulled her head away from Vuren’s and nestled it deep in his chest. She knew he wanted her to move away but she could not do that. This was her choice, her moment to show what she stood for. Although it came at possible the worst time it was something Nifeerein had been dying to do.

The pair stayed like that for some time. Nifeerein held Vuren close while he stood idly by trying to gain his composure back. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to reach out and hold her but with everything that had happened he did not feel deserving of happiness. Awash with guilt, shame and sadness Vuren continued to stand there while Nifeerein silently comforted him. She smiled into his chest as Vuren breathed out long sighs.

Neither know how long they stood there for but Nifeerein eventually decided enough was enough. She was good at taking charge of things. She was not experienced with fighting and certainly not experienced with emotional breakdowns but her role as queen made her good at taking control over situations.  

“Come on.” She said softly to Vuren who had been staring down at her this whole time. “Let get you some rest.”

Nifeerein pulled away from Vuren and let her hands drift down his arms till they entwined with his. She tried to pull on them gently to beckon him on but Vuren pulled back. He tugged on Nifeerein soft fingers as he looked at her longingly. He was unsure why he was even doing it but he felt that this was his only moment.

“Nifeerein,” he began his words failing him and his voice shaky. “I…I’ll be honest with you. I am spellbound by you. I… I want to help you but I don’t know if it for the greater good or out of selfish intent. I… I don’t… oh by the Allgod…”

Nifeerein, seeing Vuren stammering for words, smiled at the helpless oaf before swiftly crossing the gap between them. She gently pressed her palm against Vuren's chest while her other hand guided itself naturally to his back where it drifted upwards till it clutched at his shoulder. She leaned in and without hesitation placed a kiss on the stuttering lips of Vuren.

“No.” the flabbergasted Vuren pushed Nifeerein away. “I can’t.”

“Why?” Nifeerein looked at Vuren and saw the shame in his eyes.

“Why do I get to be happy when those people died? They died because of me. Why should I get to be happy when they died because of my choices?”

The words hit Nifeerein hard and she pondered on them herself. The two had an unshakeable sense of guilt and Nifeerein was the only person in the world of Ardon that understood the strife Vuren was under. She wanted to save them, wanted no other to die because of her, but Nifeerein thought she was the only one that felt responsible. She had never considered that Vuren would feel the same way too. She had assumed wrongly that Vuren could shut himself off to others. That his pragmatic view of the world meant he could shut himself off to the pain.

“Vuren,” Nifeerein said softly making sure to get his attention before continuing. “We’ll make their death’s mean something. We’ll get through this then we’ll make sure nothing like that happens again.”

Nifeerein words were both encouragement to Vuren and restoration to herself. She felt the same guilt, the same shame, and she had almost become consumed by it but as she looked at Vuren she knew she could not. She could see that she needed to be stronger. She saw that she needed to make a difference and make their passing matter. She was the queen after all and her country would look towards her. They would need a strong leader and one willing to make a difference in the trying times.

“Vuren, just let yourself be happy tonight. You have done enough to feel that way.” Nifeerein told him as she leaned in once again. This kiss was different though. This kiss was met with willing lips. Nifeerein was not an adept kisser, in fact it was her first one outside of the respectful pecks she received from family members or travelling lords, but what Nifeerein lacked in skill she made up for with passion. Despite all the logical wisdom telling her to stop Nifeerein continued. She could not hide her attraction to Vuren and she had been shackled by her parents demands long enough. She knew the marriage to the light elf prince was one that would benefit her country more but she wanted to for once in her life not think about her people and just doing something for herself. She did not know what was going to happen next but she was eager to find out.

Vuren was weak at the knees. He was fragile but in an all together different way that before. He was happy but also scared. Ecstatic but also terrified. He was so in his head he was not letting himself enjoy the moment. He thought on how a relationship with Nifeerein could affect the country as a whole. What Nifeerein’s parent’s would think. What this would mean for the war. What others would think of Nifeerein. How it would affect Vuren going forward as he now had someone to lose whenever he went out to fight. All those thoughts and many others whirled round Vuren’s head but after a few moments of impassionate kissing Vuren found those thoughts drifting away. He found himself only able focus on Nifeerein.

With his confidence growing Vuren grabbed at Nifeerein’s waist and hoisted her up till she was at his height. Nifeerein wrapped her legs around him and let her arms drape round his shoulders as she continued to passionately kiss him. Vuren pulled her in tighter and allowed his hands to migrate downwards to Nifeerein behind. Giving her a squeeze was took Nifeerein by surprise and she briefly released their locked lips to look at Vuren in the eyes and see what his plans were. Smiling at him as she saw the l**t in his eyes and knew that matched desire in her heart she let their lip lock once more and shifted her weight to indicate to Vuren where she wanted to go. He understood and carefully navigated his way to their bed all while still passionately swirling tongues. He knelt down slowly being careful to not drop Nifeerein and ensured he was on what they were calling their bed for the evening before pulling back and letting Nifeerein drop gently onto the canvas below. He swiftly removed his shirt and aided Nifeerein in the removal of hers before he began planting her neck with a flurry of kisses. Nifeerein moaned slightly as it tickled and Vuren smiled as he carried on downward to her breasts. The dark hue of her n*****s begged to be kissed as he slowly made his way to them before latching on to the right. He began sucking softly on them allowing Nifeerein to become overwhelming with pleasure before she leaned forward to raise his head and being it to hers once more.

"I want you.” she whispered in between desperate kisses of l**t and affection. Neither knew what they were doing, neither cared as they were too engrossed in one around to care. Their bodies were all that mattered. Their love. Their desire. All they wanted was one another and that yearning was enough.

Vuren pulled Nifeerein towards him one last time letting their tongues to meet once more before he stood up and tried to remove his trousers in efficient fashion but failed and tripped over them as they caught around his ankles. Vuren was too in the moment to care and Nifeerein either did not notice or did not care as she busily removed her undergarments and prepared herself for Vuren.

The two cradled each other in their respective arms before Vuren softly and carefully guided his way inside Nifeerein. When they were connected Vuren looked at Nifeerein's face to ensure he was doing it correct and saw a mix of pleasure and pain.

"Are you OK?" he asked frantically.

"It's fine… It's fine." She said through heavy breaths. "Just go slow."

Vuren, making sure to honour his partners wishes, slowly pushed forward into Nifeerein as she gave a muffled squeal before gently biting into Vuren's neck.

The next few minutes were spent awkwardly shuffling together as the clueless pair tried to find a position comfortable for both of them.

When the c****x was reached Nifeerein was on top pushed down onto Vuren as he pulled her head towards him so their lips could not be apart. They were both exhausted from the experience and Nifeerein collapsed into Vuren's arms as they both wound down. Vuren held her close and they let their breathing synchronise as they each looked at the other in the eye and allowed the sense of dreadful wonder to take them over. Each understood that what they did was ill advised but neither cared as in that moment all that mattered was one another.

Nifeerein slid off Vuren and nestled beside him as he wrapped his arm around her. The two did not say anything as they knew that words would only ruin the moment. Vuren pulled Nifeerein in tighter to block out night chill as she placed her hand on his chest and let it rest in the deep scar that adorned his breastplate. Vuren smiled at the perfect moment as he stared upwards not thinking about what could happen tomorrow but what just happened and how right in that moment the two of them were all that mattered