EPISODE 4: The Longest Night
1441 Words
The moment Ava closed the door behind us, the silence of her house surrounded me.
I had never been here before.
Under any other circumstances, I probably would've been curious.
I would've looked around, teased Ava about finally seeing her house, asked her questions about the pictures on the walls, or joked about what her room looked like.
But tonight...
I couldn't bring myself to care.
My entire world had fallen apart a few hours ago.
Ava didn't say anything.
She didn't ask questions.
She didn't force me to explain again.
She didn't tell me everything would be okay when she knew I wasn't ready to believe it.
She simply stayed beside me.
She guided me through her house until we reached her bedroom.
When the door opened, I stepped inside quietly.
Her room reflected her personality.
Warm.
Comfortable.
A little messy.
Books were stacked on her desk, clothes were folded on a chair, and small decorations filled the shelves.
It felt like a place that belonged completely to Ava.
And somehow...
She was letting me into it when I needed somewhere to fall apart.
"Sit down."
Her voice was gentle.
I slowly sat on the edge of her bed.
My hands rested in my lap as I stared down at them.
I still felt like I was carrying the weight of everything that happened at the café.
Ava looked at me for a moment.
She didn't say anything.
She just gave my shoulder a small squeeze before walking away.
"I'll be right back."
I nodded.
The second she left the room, my mind started replaying everything again.
Ethan's face.
His voice.
His words.
I need space.
I closed my eyes.
I didn't want to cry again.
Not when Ava had already seen me break down.
A few minutes later, she returned carrying a towel, a glass of water, an oversized black T-shirt, and a pair of shorts.
She placed the water on the bedside table before handing me the clothes.
"Go wash your face first."
Her voice was soft.
"Then change into these. You'll be more comfortable."
I looked down at the shirt in my hands.
It was clearly too big.
I lifted it slightly and gave a weak laugh.
"You sure this is my size?"
For the first time that night, Ava looked relieved to hear even a small laugh from me.
She shrugged.
"Just put it on."
Normally, I would've teased her.
I would've asked why she had such a huge shirt or joked that I was going to disappear inside it.
But tonight...
I didn't have the energy.
So I just nodded.
"Okay."
I went into the bathroom and closed the door.
The moment I looked at myself in the mirror, my chest tightened.
My eyes were swollen.
My face looked exhausted.
I looked nothing like the person who had walked into the café earlier believing everything was fine.
I turned on the tap and washed my face.
Cold water touched my skin, but it didn't erase the pain.
Because the pain wasn't on my face.
It was deeper.
Much deeper.
After changing into the clothes Ava gave me, I looked at myself again.
The oversized shirt hung loosely around my body.
It made me look smaller.
More fragile.
Like I was slowly disappearing.
I took a deep breath before walking back into the room.
Ava looked up from the bed.
She didn't comment.
She didn't ask if I felt better.
She just gave me a soft smile.
And somehow...
That made my eyes burn again.
---
A few minutes later, Ava returned with two mugs of hot chocolate.
She climbed onto the bed, and we sat cross-legged facing each other.
For a while, neither of us spoke.
The warmth from the mug seeped into my hands.
But I still felt cold.
Finally...
"I don't understand."
My voice was barely a whisper.
Ava looked at me.
"I don't understand when things changed."
I stared down at my drink.
"I thought we were happy."
She didn't interrupt.
She knew me well enough to know I needed to let it out.
"Yesterday was our anniversary."
My fingers tightened around the mug.
"He looked happy."
My voice cracked.
"He told me he loved me."
A tear slipped down my cheek.
"And today..."
I let out a painful laugh.
"Today he told me he needed space."
Ava reached out and held my hand.
I looked at her.
"He said I didn't do anything wrong."
My voice became quieter.
"Then why does it feel like I failed?"
"Noah..."
"Maybe I was too clingy."
I shook my head.
"Maybe I texted him too much."
"Noah."
"Maybe..."
My voice broke.
"Maybe I loved him too much."
Ava immediately shook her head.
"No."
Her voice was firm.
"You don't get to blame yourself for loving someone."
"But—"
"No."
She squeezed my hand.
"Do you remember how many nights you stayed awake helping him study?"
I looked away.
"That was nothing."
"No, it wasn't."
She continued.
"You stayed up with him before exams because you didn't want him to feel alone."
"You took care of him when he had the flu."
"You planned surprise dates just because you wanted to see him smile."
"You never forgot his birthday, your anniversaries, or any little detail about him."
My eyes filled with tears.
"You gave him your whole heart, Noah."
I looked down.
Ava became quiet for a moment.
Then she asked softly,
"If someone can make you feel like loving them was your biggest mistake..."
She held my gaze.
"Were they really loving you the way you deserved?"
I froze.
I didn't have an answer.
Because I knew she wasn't trying to make me hate Ethan.
She was trying to make me understand that I deserved more than feeling like I wasn't enough.
---
Hours passed.
Eventually, Ava convinced me to lie down.
She stayed beside me, just like she promised.
We talked until our voices became quieter.
Until my answers became shorter.
Until exhaustion slowly took over.
At some point...
Ava fell asleep beside me.
But I couldn't.
The room was dark.
The only light came from the clock on her bedside table.
2:00 a.m.
I stared at the ceiling.
My mind refused to rest.
Slowly...
I reached for my phone.
I lowered the brightness so I wouldn't wake Ava.
Then I opened my conversation with Ethan.
Two years of memories appeared on the screen.
I scrolled.
The first message.
The first time Ethan checked if I got home safely.
The first "Good morning ❤️."
Their first selfie.
The day we became official.
The first time Ethan told me he loved me.
Birthdays.
Dates.
Vacation pictures.
Every little memory we created together.
Then I reached yesterday.
Our anniversary.
My finger stopped.
I stared at the pictures.
At myself smiling.
At Ethan smiling.
But this time...
I looked closer.
His smile was there.
But his eyes...
They looked different.
Distant.
Tired.
At the time, I thought he was just exhausted.
I thought he had a long day.
I never imagined...
He was already thinking about leaving me.
My chest tightened.
"Was I the only one who didn't know?"
I whispered.
"Was I smiling for a future you had already decided to leave?"
The realization shattered something inside me.
Because while I was celebrating two years together...
He was already questioning whether there would be a third.
---
I turned the brightness down even more.
I pressed the phone against my chest.
Silent tears rolled down my face.
I didn't want to wake Ava.
I didn't want her to see me breaking again.
"Were you already gone..."
My voice trembled.
"...while I was still planning our future?"
The room remained silent.
No answer came.
Eventually...
Exhaustion became stronger than the pain.
My eyes slowly closed.
Still clutching my phone.
Still wearing the oversized black T-shirt Ava had given me.
Still wishing tomorrow would come and prove this was all a nightmare.
And then...
I was back under the cherry blossom tree.
The place where everything began.
Ethan stood in front of me with the same nervous smile from two years ago.
"Noah."
I smiled.
"Yeah?"
He stepped closer.
"Will you be my boyfriend?"
My heart filled with the same happiness I felt that day.
I reached for his hand.
"Ethan..."
But before I could touch him...
He stepped back.
I froze.
"Ethan?"
He smiled sadly.
Then he turned around.
And walked away.
"No."
My voice broke.
"Wait."
I tried to follow him.
But the distance between us kept growing.
"Ethan!"
He didn't turn back.
And I was left standing beneath the falling cherry blossoms...
Alone.
- Writer
