EPISODE 2: I Need Space
1101 Words
I stared at Ethan across the café table, hoping—praying—that he'd suddenly laugh and tell me this had all been some horrible prank.
He didn't.
He couldn't even look at me.
The silence between us was deafening.
My fingers tightened around my cup, though I had long forgotten about the coffee sitting in front of me.
"...Why?"
The word came out barely above a whisper.
Ethan remained quiet.
I forced a shaky smile.
"Come on..." I laughed weakly. "You're scaring me."
Still nothing.
"Ethan."
He slowly lifted his eyes to mine.
There was guilt in them.
Pain.
Regret.
But there wasn't hesitation.
That hurt the most.
"I don't understand," I admitted. "Where is this coming from?"
He rubbed his temples and let out a long sigh.
"I've been feeling... overwhelmed."
"Overwhelmed?"
He nodded.
"I don't know how to explain it."
"Then try."
His lips parted before closing again.
"I've been thinking a lot lately."
"About us?"
"...About everything."
I frowned.
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I feel like I've lost myself."
His answer only confused me more.
"You lost yourself because you're dating me?"
"No." He quickly shook his head. "That's not what I'm saying."
"Then what are you saying?"
"I just..." He looked away. "I need some space."
The words stung even more the second time.
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.
"If something's wrong..."
I reached across the table, instinctively trying to hold his hand.
He pulled it back.
Not harshly.
But enough.
Enough for my heart to crack.
"We can fix it," I whispered.
He closed his eyes.
"Noah..."
"We've always fixed things."
"I know."
"We've never run away from problems."
"I know."
"So why now?"
He stayed silent.
I searched his face desperately.
"Did I do something?"
"No."
"Did I hurt you?"
"No."
"Then tell me what happened!"
A few customers turned to look at us.
I lowered my voice immediately.
"I'm sorry..."
I took a deep breath.
"I'm just trying to understand."
He finally met my eyes again.
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"Then why am I being punished?"
His expression crumbled for a split second.
"You're not."
"It feels like I am."
Another silence.
I hated silence.
Especially this one.
It felt like every second that passed pushed him further away from me.
I clasped my trembling hands together beneath the table.
"Do you..."
I struggled to finish the sentence.
"...do you still love me?"
His answer came almost immediately.
"Yes."
I blinked.
"...You do?"
"I do."
Hope flickered inside my chest.
"Then why?"
"If you still love me, why are we sitting here talking about taking a break instead of working through whatever this is together?"
He looked miserable.
"I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Then let me help you figure it out."
"You can't."
"How do you know if you won't let me try?"
"I've already made my decision."
That sentence hit harder than anything else he'd said.
Already.
Meaning...
This conversation wasn't to ask for my opinion.
It wasn't to discuss our relationship.
He had already decided.
I was just being informed.
I let out a quiet laugh.
"So..."
"I don't get a say."
His shoulders slumped.
"Noah..."
"No."
I raised my hand gently.
"For once... let me talk."
He nodded.
I inhaled slowly, trying to stop my voice from shaking.
"For two years..."
"I loved you with everything I had."
"I trusted you."
"I planned my future with you."
"I never imagined my life without you."
A tear escaped despite my efforts.
I quickly wiped it away before he could.
"If you've been unhappy..."
"You should've told me."
"I would've listened."
"I would've changed."
"I would've done anything."
His eyes reddened.
"I know."
"No."
I shook my head.
"You don't."
"If you knew..."
"You wouldn't be asking for space."
He lowered his head.
"I'm sorry."
I laughed bitterly.
"Do you know what's funny?"
He looked at me.
"I've spent the last twenty-four hours smiling because I thought our anniversary was perfect."
I smiled through blurry eyes.
"I even told my roommate that this was the happiest I'd ever been."
My voice cracked.
"And all along..."
"You were already deciding to leave."
He squeezed his eyes shut.
"I'm sorry."
"You keep apologizing."
I smiled sadly.
"But you're still leaving."
He couldn't argue with that.
Neither of us spoke for a long time.
Finally, I asked the question that had been haunting me since this conversation began.
"...How long?"
He frowned.
"How long... is this cool-off supposed to last?"
His silence answered before his words did.
"I don't know."
I stared at him.
"You... don't know?"
He slowly shook his head.
"I just need time."
"How much time?"
"I don't know."
"A week?"
Silence.
"A month?"
Silence.
"Six months?"
Silence.
"A year?"
Nothing.
I couldn't stop myself from laughing.
Not because anything was funny.
Because I suddenly understood.
This wasn't a plan.
He wasn't asking for a short break.
He was asking me to wait...
Without telling me when—or even if—he'd come back.
"You want me to put my life on hold."
"Noah, that's not—"
"Then what is it?"
"I just need space."
"And what am I supposed to do while you're figuring yourself out?"
He had no answer.
I smiled.
A small, tired smile.
"I see."
Slowly, I stood from my chair.
He looked up in surprise.
"Noah..."
I looked down at the man I loved more than anyone.
"I hope..."
My voice almost failed me.
"I hope this space gives you everything you're looking for."
His eyes widened.
"You deserve to find whatever it is you're searching for."
I forced one final smile.
"And I genuinely hope you do."
I reached for my bag.
He stood as well.
"Wait."
I paused.
"I'm not breaking up with you."
His words stopped me.
I turned around slowly.
"What?"
"It's just a cool-off."
He sounded so certain.
"So... when I figure things out..."
"We'll talk again."
I looked at him for what felt like forever.
Then I smiled.
Not because I believed him.
But because arguing wouldn't change anything.
"Take care of yourself, Ethan."
I turned and walked away.
I didn't look back.
Because if I did...
I knew I wouldn't have the strength to leave.
Behind me, Ethan remained standing beside our table.
Watching me disappear through the café doors.
Certain that I would still be there when he was ready.
Neither of us realized it then.
For Ethan...
This was only the beginning of a cool-off.
For me...
It felt like the end of everything.
- Writer
