Beyond Me

“Goodbye Daddy”

Daddy left us a long time ago, mom always tried to tell me that he wasn’t worth mentioning. She left it at that. I remember his military valor and how he seemed important in my memories; as most navy officers should. He served in many wars all around the world. I guess the reason the only memories I have of him are of him in uniform. He was gone a lot and so was mom always working together by. So what could have been so wrong about that?

Who knows? All I reminisce about is how they once sang lullabies and read so many stories; I wish mother would do that for CeeCee, my little sister. I wish she would read to her and hold her, or sing to her while she weeps. Just do it, because when that is all that can ease a toddler’s plea for attention and affection; it is necessary.

Sometimes I hear her humming to herself while she cleans, I wonder if she does it so dumbly to make the caged bird in her want to flee. I do, especially when she picks up that damn bottle. She gets so sunken into those three sheets to the wind that there is no tuning the chords. Especially, not to avoid hitting rock bottom. I wonder if they split up because she could not hold her liquor.

CeeCee’s father seemingly disappeared one night after a brutal altercation with mother while she was still pregnant. I remember the holes in the walls and broken dishes strewn about the dinner table and dining-room floor. It was hard to judge from the outside in whom was the instigator but the whole apartment was destroyed. He was a good stepfather to me; so I could not fathom how the whole m******e escalated.

He was another military officer and spent many months out stationed at whichever location he was ordered. While he was stationed in HongKong mom had strung together a massive paper chain that counted down the days of his arrival home. She seemed happier then, so this outburst seemed very out of the ordinary. Even through the eyes of a child.

The clatter in the night this evening is not saturated with a sweet melody of her work song. I peer out from underneath my comforter an gaze at the analog numbers in red peering back at me; 9:38pm, she is running late to whatever takes her from the house at these strange hours of the night. It is becoming more of a thing lately her leaving all night and sleeping most the day.

When I wake up for school the part time babysitter from a few apartments over, an older Thai lady we call Ruthie, has Khao tom prepared on the small table in our dining room. The amazing aroma of rice and eggs fills the corridor of the apartment complex each morning at the c***k of dawn.

Just thinking of the smell drives my imagination into the maelstrom of wonderment. My breathing deepens and as I draw in my mind a collage of art. Right before I sink in I hear mom bid goodbye to an unfamiliar voice as she walks out the door.