Fat Girl Confessions

The Start

Ever since I can remember, I have always been the fat friend. Growing up with the other kids in my village, when things did not go their way, or they were mad, because they lost at a game. My weight was always the targeted topic. Now mind you, I was not a morbidly obese child. Yes, I was chunky but was by no means HUGE. I cried alot and my feelings were often hurt.

I had to learn alot along the way. It built me up and at times knocked me straight on my ass and put me in real and hypothetical situations and fantasies that hopefully we can all relate to. I don't want to start at the beginning because it's filled with bullying and all that jazz. Let's start with my parents and the summer I lost my virginity.

My parents were good people, the kind that everyone called mom and dad or aunt and uncle. We most definitely were not made of money, but they made life fun, and they took care of everyone. My mom taught me how to look at the simple things and love the people I'm surrounded by. She is also a big part of my love for music. She listened to everything from pop, funk, some rock, malt shop oldies and more. To this day, I can not go a day without music playing in the background or at some point. She taught me how to love myself and not to let anyone silence me, that I had a voice.

My father is a strong man, the kind that most people, upon meeting him, are afraid of. He served our country, was covered in tattoos, always had a stern look on his face, but he worked hard, like really hard day in and day out. His smile could light up a room though. He really is not that bad. Yes, there were ups and downs, but he was always there. He taught me how to hunt, fish, be independent and how to take care of my family. On top of showing me what it was like to have a great work ethic and that you can not just stop because things get hard. He had three little brothers, so being a wild child was in his demeanor and, with 2 siblings and lots of cousins, he taught me how to do the same. Things were not perfect by any means, but in my family and the love they had. Everything was, in fact...perfect.

Just a bit more background, I grew up in a small village, no post office, no stores or anything, just a church, a 7th and 8th grade Jr. High School and about 25 houses. If you blink you will miss it type of small. Most of the people I went to school with I grew up with throughout the years and our parents knew each other and so on.

As you can imagine, going to a small school that holds a series of kids from other tiny towns, there are clicks, and that is what most of us stick to. Everyone liked the same pretty girl and heart-throb boy, and when someone new came to the school, they were the new "IT" person everyone would flock to.

Now in my little village, I said there was a 7th and 8th grade school building. It was the summer going into 9th grade. Ill neverforget it. By this time, I had started to smoke cigarettes and m*******a and was known by my friends to steal a few beers on occasion or sneak out and drink a bottle one of my other friends stole from one of their parents. I wasn't a bad kid, I just did "bad" things on occasion. Those were just a few of the things. With you learning about me, I'm sure it's obvious I was influenced by my friends, along with other friends I was introduced to that were older than me, so I did things and was put in some situations like those listed above. I had no business being in, but I did it and was willing to take the consequences of getting caught if needed.

This was the summer I met my friend Trish's older brother J.T. He was 4 years older than me, and he was absolutely everything my dad would have wanted me to stray away from. He was tall, had brown eyes and hair, built slender but not petit, had a truck, was a "bad boy" who did what he wanted and not a single person would stop him. He was trouble and I was 14. Mixes well, right? I really didn't know what it was about him, but I was instantly attracted to him. I never told a soul about my secret crush, being a bigger girl and being bullied for the majority of my life. I looked at him like he was out of my league.

So, yeah.

Trish and I hung out whenever I was in the little town she lived in. We will call it Springdale. I was not there often but enough to see her 2 or 3 times a month during the summer, mostly due to summer sports. When we hung out, he would pop in to see who was in her room with her and say hi or just to ask her what she was doing and then would just look at me, give a smile or grin and leave.

At that point, I never took it for anything other than him just being nice at the moment. I would just smile and say hi back or just glance and go back to doing whatever it was that I was doing. I didn't want it to be obvious. I wanted him to swoop me off my feet and us fall in love and live happily ever after, because that is what I thought true love was at 14. Hanging out with Trish we didn't do much. We would go for walks, listen to music, talk about life, the people we went to school with and the stuff most 14-and 15-year-old girls do. Depending on how late we would hang out, I would stay the night on a weekend. I also never told my parents she had an older brother, because if I did my dad would never have let me stay. He tried to keep me innocent. He had no clue about my sneaking out and extracurricular activities, or that being in Trish's house my innocence had no chance. I didn't know that either.

It was the end of our summer break, about 3 weeks before school. Being so close to school starting, I took advantage of one of my last weekends. Off to Trish's house I went. We did the normal thing and so did he. The pop in, the smile, but this time when he popped in, it was just me.

J.T: Where is Trish?

Me: The bathroom, do you need to go? I'm going to shower when she comes out.

J.T: No, Tell Trish I'm leaving if my mom and dad ask.

Me: Okay...

Then off he went to do whatever he did at 9:30 at night. I showered, we watched a movie and Trish went to bed. I got comfortable for the night and continued to watch some TV. Some time went by, I started to fall asleep, and I heard a whisper at her door. It was J.T ... What could he want? I turned to see him standing in the doorway with a smirk on his face.

J.T: Hey...

Me: What?

J.T: Come here, I'm bored.

Me: okay?