New Me
1179 Words
"Oh you're finally awake! How are you feeling?" She's overly chirpy and strawberry blonde.
"I think I feel ok." Was that my voice? It sounded more feminine and sweet. My thoughts still sound the same though?
"Great! Would you like a mirror brought in here?"
"Yes, please." I'm almost excited to see how I look.
"Gimme one sec I'll be right back!” She bounces out of my room and down a hall.
She comes back with a with a full-length mirror on wheels. I gasp when I see my reflection. I have wavy dark brown hair that flows down to my waist. My eyes are now green with specks of gold around my irises. I’m taller than I was before and curvier too. I never thought I would look so different. I thought maybe they would make me look similar enough to not confuse myself when I look in the mirror. I guess it would defeat the purpose of becoming a new person if they did that.
“Like what you see?” The nurse I had forgotten was there startled me.
“Yes... Is that my voice? I look so different and sound different too!” Am I dreaming?
The nurse giggled at my shock. She looked genuinely happy for me. That’s the first genuine emotion I’ve seen throughout this whole process. It made me feel a bit better about my situation. I looked in the mirror again and jumped a little scaring myself. I keep expecting my old face.
“A psychologist will be in here shortly to help you ease into your transition.” The nurse said a bit too cheerfully yet again.
I nodded at her in reply still looking at my reflection in shock. All my scars and blemishes were gone. I placed my hand on the back of my neck and felt the tiniest scar where my hairline met my neck. That must be where the operation took place. I was deep in thought when a gray-haired man with cold dark eyes came into my room. This must be the psychologist.
“Hello, my name is Dr. Conrad I am a psychologist at this hospital. I am here today to get you ready to live your new life.” His voice was deep and slightly menacing.
“Let’s start with your new name. As you should know the government has pre-picked your name and has made many other decisions for you as well. Your new name is Ophelia Jade, your new birthday is today with the same year as your original birthday. As you will come to learn, aside from your memories, your birth year is one of the very few things you get to keep from your old life.” It seems as though Dr. Conrad doesn’t like people who restart.
“Have you decided which city you want to live in yet?”
I thought back to my first nurse in the government building. Her words and face were forever imprinted in my mind. I thought about picking a different city and pretending like that never happened. I couldn’t do that though I told her I would help and besides Joy was my top pick anyways. I loved the beach and the mountains so Joy seemed like the most logical choice for me even without the nurse.
“I’ve chosen Joy as my city.” I finally reply.
‘What’s the worst that could happen with that nurse?’ I think to myself.
Dr. Conrad scrunches his face as though he knows I have an ulterior motive behind my choice. He doesn’t say anything about it though and continues writing on his clipboard.
“Ok Ophelia, do you have any questions for me?”
“What happened to my body?”
For the first time Dr. Conrad looked at me. His eyes softened a little but his shoulders tensed up. It almost looked like he was trying to keep himself from feeling sympathy for me.
“The government has found it best to not answer that question. It doesn’t matter though, you can’t go back now.” He sounded almost exasperated.
“So I’ll never be able to get closure?” It feels bittersweet to ask.
“What do you need closure for? Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“Yes and no. I just didn’t know what else to do with my life at the point I was in.” I answered honestly.
“What do you mean?” Now he’s sounding like a real psychologist.
“I don’t know. I feel like my life before was headed nowhere and nothing was going to change. I had no family or friends. I didn’t have much of a choice really.” I say almost too honestly again. Why are words just pouring out of my mouth to this standoffish stranger?
“So, you decided to use your restart? Do you think you’ll be happier now?”
What’s with all these questions? Each answer I give him his expression changes and becomes softer, almost like he was my dad trying to listen to me vent. He’s asking valid questions though. I can’t deny that. Do I think I’ll be happier? Do I care if I’m happier? I don’t know the answers to those questions yet.
“I don’t know if I’ll be happier, but I hope I am. I just couldn’t keep living as the old me.”
Damn why do I keep answering him so honestly?
“Well, if you don’t have any more questions for me, I can give you your welcome packet and sign off on your release.”
I have so many questions but I can’t seem to muster the courage to ask any of them. Why can’t I know what’s happened to my old body? Why did he seem so cold and full of hate when we first met? Why can’t I lie to him? Was this really the right choice? Is that nurse really going to be there?
“I’m ready to go Doc.” Is the only thing that comes out of my mouth.
He nods at me and has an orderly walk me out. We go down another hallway until we reach a garage. I’m led into a van with no windows and no other people that I can see. This is it. The last leg of my journey to my new life. I’m terrified. The van finally starts and we begin moving. I can’t even say goodbye to my old home. I guess they really don’t want us to have any connection to our pasts. I wonder why?
- Writer
