Why else would he cheat?

1235 Words
[Ava] Practical to a fault, I opened my fists, my entire frame shaking with sadness and hot anger, and closed the door silently. They didn't deserve my love. My rage. My sadness. So why was I wondering how the f**k I let this happen? How come it was somehow all my fault? "Lazy fucker. You can't even get up and f**k her. How the hell would your little d**k have handled us both, you f*****g loser?" I ranted to no one in particular. These words should have been said to his face, but my mother taught me better. Women are seen, not heard was her philosophy. You can imagine how she took me leaving modeling behind for law school. I damn near thought it might kill her. My mind was reeling with options as a slow, sharp pain seeped into my heart. One week away from the wedding. Aria was my maid of honor. Hell for all I knew he was cheating on me with her left and right instead of going for auditions like he said he was. He was a lousy actor, but love was blind. I supported him and got myself through law school while he 'followed his dream.' I told myself it would be worth it in the end. That he was worth it. Turned out, the fucker didn't even respect me, much less love me. She looks exactly like me, you dumb f**k. What could you possibly gain from this? "Maybe he's right and I really am a bore," I said with a sigh, the silent insecurity slipping from my subconscious, where I buried it on a daily basis. Law school was no joke. Working two jobs, one as a paralegal and the other filling in for Aria, was exhausting. I did it anyway. One day mom would be proud. She would see I was meant for more than a runway and forgive me. Stop guilting me into "supporting" Aria, the "only model left in the family." Moans, gasps and screams still hit the back of my ears as I walked back to the front door of the apartment in a daze. "f**k, I don't even know who I am anymore. I never dress up or try to have fun anymore. I'm a f*****g grandma in my twenties. Of course Jason is bored with me. Why else would he cheat? I gave him everything," I chastised myself for letting myself go… for allowing myself to pass out as soon as I got home everyday. Fuck knew when the last time I shaved my legs or p***y was, nevermind had s*x. And damn it, I was horny… but so s**t tired every day I couldn't make myself get on Jason's d**k, knowing he'd make me do all the work. I walked smack into Aria's suitcase as thoughts of how I could have prevented this flooded my mind. Should I try and save my engagement? Was there anything to save? That was right. Aria was taking a short trip to Cupid's Isle. 'Helping' to plan my wedding was so stressful for her that she just had to get away. "Being an accepted guest on billionaire Ryder Voss's island is super rare, BB. You get it, don't you?" she cooed, ooh and aahing about it while dumping all the maid of honor duties in my lap at the last second. Thank God I still had Macy. A lone tear fell down my cheek as the sharp pain in my chest intensified. Never had I ever felt so lonely in my entire life. I was gutted. Wrecked. I needed my bestie, stat. "Yes, f**k, I'm, I'm cuming. So f*****g good. f*****g my sister's fiancé is so naughty," Aria howled, choking on a fresh batch of giggles and pants, like she knew somehow that I was listening. My hands trembled with emotion anew as I dug into my purse, pulled out my phone and hit number one on my speed dial. "Hey BB. I know we're meeting about last minute changes to the seating chart. I am on my way. One foot out the door. I just—" Macy scrambled to say, her voice reassuring. Ordinary. Normal. Like nothing had changed. How I envied her her ignorance. "Aria's f*****g Jason. So no need to worry about it anymore," I said tightly, uttering the words with as much grace as I could muster, not so much as a hoarse voice from the crying or a stutter. This my father taught me. To have some f*****g pride. When did I start to forget his lessons and prioritize my mom's? I couldn't help it. I just wanted to feel like I still belonged at the dinner table during the holidays. It was the only way to stop my mom from icing me out completely. Most people are proud when their daughters get into Harvard. All my mom saw was disappointment. "Women use their bodies to get ahead, not their brains," she said with a scoff. Clearly she had no idea what went into a modeling shoot. The effort. Talent. Poise. Delicacy. Humans weren't meant to be perfect. Creating the illusion of flawlessness was work. "What the f**k did you just say?" Macy immediately roared, just as Aria cried out Jason's name again. "Oh damn. BB, don't tell me—" "She's f*****g him right now. In my bedroom. I'm outside it," I whispered into the phone. Fuck my mother. What the real reason was for why I wasn't raising hell I didn't know. It was like there was a brick wall in front of me. Maybe it was my pride. Or was it denial? f**k knew, but I wasn't giving Jason and slutty Aria the satisfaction of seeing me cry. "b***h, why the f**k are you whispering? You pay the rent! Just you.Throw their asses out," an outraged Macy demanded, pulling me out of my thoughts. "You know what? f**k this. I'm coming over. I'll throw them out for you." The sound of Macy scrambling to grab her things made me let out a bitter snigger as a painful fact came out of me. "Truth? I'm ashamed. Embarrassed. I ignored all the signs that he wasn't happy. I—" I continued to whisper, like that would somehow fix my broken engagement. Because it was broken. Over. That much self respect I had. Jason and I were through. I hated his guts. Unless— "Shut the f**k up. You are not defending his cheating ass right now," she said, intruding on my denial and overwhelmed state. Macy slammed the door of her apartment shut on the other end of the line. "Why is she even there? He's not her usual brand of loser." "She probably came by to let me know she was leaving on her trip. Then he tripped and his d**k fell into her always open for business p***y. God Mace, what do I do?" I moped, despondent, too consumed with heartbreak and humiliation to think straight. An hour ago, I had my whole life figured out. I just scored an internship at my dream law firm. I was getting married to my college sweetheart. Everything made sense. Now, nothing did. The pain was soul crushing. I felt like the world was ending. "Run," said Macy, an urgency in her voice just as my phone started buzzing. Doom echoed in her tone. What f*****g now?
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