The Spirit Martial

Spirit 40

“Bumalik ka na doon, I swear pupunta na talaga ako sa bahay. I’ll meet you at Gin’s ship,” sabi ko kay Kailani kasi ayaw na niyang umalis simula noong may babaeng lumapit sa akin.

“Are you sure? Baka may pupuntahan ka na namang ibang lugar?” he asked.

“Promise, Kailani. I won’t. Huwag kang makulit, umalis ka na,” reklamo ko and he sighed.

“Fine, bahay lang ha,” he said at naglakad na siya palayo pagtango ko.

At last, I’m at peace.

Kailani and I parted ways. The dark hallways surrounded me and every steps are heavy. I don’t know why, maybe because tonight I’ll get answers. Why did my mom hid everything? What happened to dad? I saw some of his memories pero hindi kompleto talaga. Ang dami kong tanong. A part of me is happy because finally, my questions will have answers but a part of me is scared- the answers I might gather might change my life, my new life I have now. I wonder what kind of pace will I be adjusting after this.

After a couple of minutes, I arrived home and I saw my mom outside. She was sitting on the bench I made at the center of her garden. The garden was filled with aconite flowers, the white flower for healing. She saw me from a far and gave me a warm smile so I did the same. Lumapit ako sa kanya at umupo ako sa tabi niya. He handed me a wooden cup na may chocolate milk sa loob. She used to do this every evening because this can help me sleep without nightmares. I appreciate that she remembered.

“I know you have many questions, Cygnus,” she said at napatingin siya sa itaas. “I’ll answer everything,” she said with a smile while glancing at the constellations. Doon kasi sa mainland, hindi masyadong nakikita maybe because of the barrier but here? Kitang-kita lahat kaya napatingin na rin ako sa itaas.

“I met dad,” I said at agad siyang napatingin sa akin.

“Y-You m-m-met?” utal-utal niyang tanong.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at tinuro ang dibdib ko. “He’s here with me, a part of his soul,” I responded with a sad smile. “I saw some of his memories but I don’t get it, what happened?” I asked and she looked away. “Did he really abandoedn us? Did he really abandoned the world?” I asked and she shook her head.

“So that’s the rumors there, huh?” she asked at umiling siya. “What a shame,” she added.

“Mom, what happened? I need the truth because I think I’m really lost. It’s like I’m just a Spirit Caster with no memories,” sabi ko at huminga siya ng malalim.

“He sacrificed himself, Cygnus,” she answered and my heart felt tight. Sacrificed? “He fought Lucifer. He defeated Lucifer but something unexpected happened. I was there. I was there but I was not able to save him,” she added and her tears started falling. “We decided to end Lucifer because I was carrying you but then,” she added again at tumingin siya sa itaas. “He went to hell along with him,” she added once more and my chest felt tighter. Why. Why. Why.

“L-Lucifer?” I asked.

“The King of Demons. A portal was opened and we fought it, along with the current King right now. We were about to seal him. Right after the portal was about to close, he grabbed your father. He tried to resist but if he will, makakalabas ulit si Lucifer. The next thing I knew, he was about to be swallowed by the portal. He gave me a sad smile and instructed me to raise you a good son and his magic just vanished at napunta sa tiyan ko.” she explained and my limbs feel numb. Ah, I think I’m not in the mood to go Gin’s place anymore. I knew it my life will change.

“Right after the portal close, the first Pandora’s Box opened- the first boss was Lucifer’s daughter, Aurora,” she said with a smile but I know it was painful for her. “I fought her even though our magic molecules were draining fast. I had no choice but to sacrifice my life force. Even if I wouldn’t be able to use magic, as long as I can raise you, it’s fine so I didn’t mind using all of me.” she added and this time, my eyes were teary already. That’s why Kailani’s Aunt referred her as one of the strongest spirit caster before because she really was- but not now, she can’t use any magic anymore and it’s because my mother protected me.

“M-Mom, I-I …” hindi ko man lang matapos ang gusto kong sabihin kasi parang nilalamaon ng katawan ko ang boses ko. I tried myself to stop myself from crying but I failed. What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? Yes, ginusto ko ng bagong buhay na mahal ako ng magulang ko but to this extent? This is pure love, how can I repay her?

“It’s fine , Cygnus. My sacrifice was worth it.” she said and she suddenly tapped my head kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya. She was smiling brightly- this is genuine happiness, I can tell. “Look at you. You grew up so well, I never regretted my decision back then. It may cost my rank but seeing you grow like this? It’s beyond fine,” she added. My tears fell. I cried. So this is how mother’s love felt like. This is new to me. This new feeling is …is something I never had before.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry,” iyon lang ang nasabi ko at niyakap ko kaagad siya. I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry you had to make that decision. I’m sorry you had to carry all these burden by yourself. I’m sorry … I’m sorry for everything.

My mom was telling me something but I can’t hear it well but I’m sure she was telling me everything was fine pero hindi. Hindi ko lubos maisip na nagawa niya iyon para sa akin. I never knew she kept this to herself, pwede naman niyang sabihin sa akin lahat eh- kaya ko naman makinig. I’ll listen jsut like how she listens to me all the time. I …I want to give something back. My love for her isn’t enough. How will I repay her?

The night was long and we ended our conversation after a couple of hours kasi matutulog na siya. I told her that I can’t sleep at home and she understands, she knew because she was like me before. I watched her go inside until the light form our house went off and I decided to walk away. I want to go to the ship but I’m not in the mood for now. Pupunta ako doon mamaya but I have to process everything first. Ayaw ko namang pumunta doon para sirain ang moment nila.

While I was walking, napatigil ako sa bridge. This place is special to me. This place is the main reason why I got this badge, why I knew everything, why I discovered new thing, why I had friends right now. I stood at the center of the bridge at napatingin sa ibaba. This is where Kailani stood when I saw him.

I climbed at the railings just like Kailani did when I first saw him at napatingin sa itaas. The night breeze was refreshing but my mind was busy processing things. Sacrifices. Death. Rory. Me. It pains my head. It pains my chest. Kahit saan masakit. If I were her, I wonder if I can do that too. If I was my dad, I wonder if I can sacrifice myself for the world too? Hindi man lang nalaman ng buong mundo ang nangyari. As his son, I have to change my dad's image. It's unfair! I have to talk to the King also, bakit hindi niya pinigilan ang mga flase rumors? He was there too!

“You’re not gonna jump, are you?”

Muntik na akong mahulog nang biglang nagsalita si Kailani sa ibaba ko. He was holding my foot whie glancing at me. Ah, nostalgic. It was me who held his foot before and he was standing here but now, it’s switched.

“I almost fell because of you, can you consider it as jumping?” I asked with a frown at bumitaw na siya. Bumaba ako ng kusa kasi wala naman talaga akong plano tumalon. Mahal ko ang buhay ko ngayon. Hindi ko ito sasayangin. Sumandal siya sa railings at napatingin sa itaas. The moon rays hit his face and he was damn beautiful.

“So, are you okay?” he asked and he glanced at me.

“Of course I am. Bakit mo naman nasabi na tatalon ako?” I asked with a smirk and he did not show any emotions. He was just staring at me-right through my eyes. “Okay, Kailani, I got what you wanted to say. I’m fine. I just need to process things. Medyo hindi ko nagustohan ang nalaman ko so chill, wala talaga akong planong tumalon.” I added when I realized that he was being serious.

He looked back up and just gave me faint smile.

“That’s a relief then,” he said at bigla siyang naglakad palayo.

“Hey! Wait! Bakit ka aalis?” I asked at tumigil siya.

“You need to process things so I believe you need to be alone. Just meet me back at the ship.” he replied at naglakad ulit siya but I was bothered. His question. His emotion. Something isn’t right.

“Kailani, stop!” sigaw ko at tumigil siya.

“I was just checking on you,” bigla niyang sabi.

“Hindi mo pa sinagot ang tanong ko,” reklamo ko.

“Which question?” he asked at lumingon siya pabalik sa akin. We were 3 meters away and the moon rays did not only hit his face, but his whole body. He’s like a deity.

“Sabi ko, bakit mo naman nasabi na tatalon ako?” I asked and he smiled- a painful smile.

“I thought we were the same,” he replied.

“The same? What are yo-” putol kong tanong and my hands trembled. The same? He thought we were the same? Does he mean …

Hindi na ako nagpaligoy-ligoy at tumakbo ako papunta sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit but I just did. Niyakap ko siya and I knew he was surprised. Kailani needed this the whole time. I never knew - no, I knew it but I just didn’t give in. He needed this more than me. My parents loved me but his parents didn’t. I was not abandoned but he was. I had my mom with me as I grew up but he had no one. I had a happy childhood but he didn’t.

“So you planned on jumping back then huh,” I whispered with a shaky voice. Ngayon ko lang narealize na lahat ng pinagdaanan ko ay hindi maikokompara sa pinagdadaanan niya. He’s … He’s the one I should be asking if he’s okay.  I mean, I don’t have to ask, I just need to be there for him.

Hindi siya sumagot and I felt his hand held my back. Inilubog niya ang muka niya sa leeg ko and I felt something. A water … tears? Is he crying? Siya palagi ang nagpaparamdam sa akin na nandito siya sa akin pero ako? Hindi talaga. I tapped his head as a sign that I’m with him.

“Kailani,” I called.

“Can we just stay like this for a couple of minutes, Cygnus?” he asked with a shaky voice. He’s crying and it pains me too.

“I don’t mind if we’ll stay like this forever, Kailani. Take your precious time,”