4
1157 Words
4
Carolyn's POV
(18 Years)
I gazed at myself in the mirror and felt that constant twitching in my chest. I've grown fatter than last year. It's so pitiful that I cannot even pass through the door properly. Dad had to call a carpenter and cut a bigger space and install a bigger door.
I covered the mirror and came back to my bed, which is made of steel. I broke my old wooden bed six weeks ago when the Summer break started. And today is my birthday. White hot pain cut through me as tears stung my eyes again.
Today I turned Eighteen but our parents only remembered Adelyn's birthday. The house downstairs is being decorated. Dad is excited because today we meet our wolves.
I pulled a pillow in my lap and looked around. This room suffocates me. I hyperventilate almost everyday because I haven't stepped out of the house since that day Adelyn banged my head against the mirror in the school's restroom.
My sister considers me a threat even though I stand no chance.
I don't know who and how they dragged my big fat body out of the restroom and carried me to the school's medical room. But that's where I opened my eyes. My father had come to meet me. He was summoned by the Principal.
Well, you must have guessed his reaction— He blamed me.
He blamed me for being fat. For being ugly. For being useless. And for annoying others by being all of that.
He neither asked me how I ended up injured nor did he hug me like he does to my twin whenever she gets hurt.... So that day I completely broke.
I've been wondering about something else too— death.
How does it feel to die? I heard it brings peace. Otherwise why would people wish those who die to rest in peace? It's worth a thought, isn't it?
I've brought blades and sleeping pills. I stole them from school actually. They've been sitting in my drawer for months. And every day I spend in my room throughout this summer vacation, I feel more and more inclined to take my life.
~~~
I dared to go down in the evening. The house looked ethereal. Every corner was shimmering with lights and candles. Rose Gold ribbons and balloons embellished the pillars and remained scattered on the floor.
Rose Gold is Adelyn's favorite. The decoration screamed that the celebration was exclusively going to be for her.
Mom was in the kitchen, talking on her phone to the bakery owner who's gotten the order for Adelyn's birthday cake.
I tried to take a peek from where I was standing on the staircase. Mom was dressed in a black modest-looking one piece with off-shoulder design. She looked tall in her five inch stilettos while her beautiful blonde hair was twisted into a French bun.
A small bitter smile ghosted over my lips as I imagined Adelyn in the back of my mind.
She's taken after our mom. Same blonde hair, green eyes and pretty flawless skin. Our dad has blonde hair too. Adelyn looks like their daughter from every angle you could possibly look her at. Even if you look at her from miles and miles away, she'd still look like them.
On the other hand, I am short— Take note, neither of my parents are short— I have pimples all over my face, double chin, I have no neck while my family has beautiful long necks, my hair is curly frizzy dirty brown, and my skin is a several noticeable tones down than theirs as if I don't belong to them. My eyes are brown like dad's— The only thing that keeps me from thinking that I'm not theirs. I am theirs. I have to be. Because you don't show this hatred to anyone else unless they're your person.
I'm not their person in that sense. I'm just an ugly daughter who brings embarrassment to them, and that's why they hate me. Because I ruin the 'good family' visuals we're supposed to have.
I am the black ship in the family. Oh, correction— I'm the fat black sheep in the family. A fat sheep who can't pass through the door of her room and her parents have to cut it and make it bigger.
"Carolyn, why are you still in your pajamas?" I blinked out of my trance as my mother, Luna Taylor's voice sounded.
I wanted to make a smart àss reply and opened my mouth. But I knew better and shut it again. My feelings don't matter just like my presence. That's why I did what I always do— I ran back to my room without telling her anything about my feelings.
I was about to close the door when mom stuck a hand in, making me stop. She pushed the door open and peeked at me with that 'I'm your Luna' kind of stern look.
"Carolyn, I asked you why you are still in your pajamas?"
"I've been in my pajamas almost every day of the summer holiday. Are you only seeing it now?"
"Watch your tone, Carolyn Moore! I'm your Luna first, then your mother." Her tight tone made me hold back my breaths.
Mom is less hateful towards me because most of the time she ignores me. So I wonder what she's doing here in my room today!
"Move back so I can come in." She said and I felt my cheeks heat up.
Yeah, right. I'm so fat that I block the door.
"Carolyn," She began again and I quickly spun around. "I asked you something. Why are you still in your pajamas and not in your birthday dress?"
My heart skipped a beat as I faced her again. I was staring at her with my mouth open.
"M-my birthday dress? So you remember it's also my birthday today?"
"Of course! You and Adelyn are twins. So of course we're organizing a party for you both." Mom said it so casually as if she had no idea what's been going around.
"Oh really? Then why wasn't I taken to shopping like my twin sister? Why am I being told now that it's my birthday too? She got presents from you and dad and everyone else. Why not me? Forget it all, tell me, why has no one come to wish me either?" I was sobbing now as my hands shook.
Mom was quiet for a while and I thought for a fleeting second— for a stupid fleeting second— that maybe she was finally realizing her and dad's mistake. That their ignorance towards me and undivided attention towards my twin sister is bothering. It's increasing my depression every day.
However, when she opened her mouth to speak, what she said made me almost run to the drawer where I kept the blades and pills.
Tbc...
- Writer
