The Badass and the Alpha

Chapter Sixteen

            It was late and I still couldn’t sleep. Ares was passed out on the couch, that being his bed for the past 3 days.

                After I was checked-in the hospital, Ares made sure to pack his things as well as pass by my house to grab mine. His excuse was that he felt bad for putting me in this situation and skipping school wasn’t such a bad idea after all. He also added something along the lines of “no one should be alone in a hospital”. So for the past nights, the hospital room, cafeteria and the couch have turned into his house, so he wouldn’t leave my side.”

                “Okay!” I said determined, grabbing my blanket and throwing it on the side. “ I gotta do something before I go crazy.” I whispered annoyed to myself while dangling my feet from the edge of the bed.

                I found my crutches and I propped them on the ground, before balancing myself off the bed. A small grunt was heard from my throat as my feet touched the ground and as an i***t, I landed on my bad foot.

                Frozen in a weird posture, I was looking at Ares, trying to make sense of what I was feeling. Seeing Ares on his back, half covered by some hospital blanket, one hand fallen to the ground, the other under his head, sleeping without a care in the world and with soft snores escaping his throat, his steady breathing being seen while his chest was raising up and down, unaware of my attempt to escape.

                As I was looking at him, analyzing his features as this is the only time I can see him without his guard up, a sleepy grunt was heard and the sleeping Ares moved to his left side, hiding his face in the fold of his arm.

                Realizing that this might be my only chance to skid out of the room I put my slipper on, yeah… only one 'cause I have only one foot of the right size as the other was covered with one of Ares’s socks. I grabbed my fluffy sweater in which I hid my cigarettes from the nurses and I started swinging out of the room and into the corridor of sleeping rooms and people.

                Before I fully swung myself into plain sight I checked for on-call doctors as well as for nurses. Stopping to listen, with my breath held, I could make out some small chatter from the main desk and I wasn’t going to go that way. The only way I could avoid people seeing me, would be to take the emergency staircase that goes to the roof, the place which I was trying to reach.

                Taking a deep breath in I started swinging, carefully placing my crutches on the floor so I can limit the annoying clicking sound of the crutches. As I was making my way, glancing left and right for possible threats that could stop me from escaping. Once I finally reached the emergency staircase, I stepped in front of it, looking for an alarm that could give me away, but I couldn't find a thing.

                Trying the handle to see if it was locked, I started pushing once it give away. I started struggling to push the door as it was heavy and my hands were stabilizing my uneven feet through the liberty sticks I couldn’t have made it this far without.

                Once I made it in, I started swinging when the door started screeching while it was closing. So  I did what any i***t would do, I threw myself to catch the door and close it silently and well… I slightly failed.

                Throwing myself, I slammed my body into the wall further injuring my left ribs along with my left shoulder, but managing to grab the door in time and stop it from moving while stabilizing myself before grabbing the handle with my other hand and slowly closing, picking up my crutches as I miserably failed to absorb the noise with my leg while falling to the ground.

                I propped myself into them and then looked at the other five flights of stairs I had to go through before arriving to the rooftop. Taking my time going up the stairs, between breaths and grunts, counting the floor I was at, until miraculously, after 30 minutes I arrived at the 8th floor; the rooftop.

                Pushing it open, I hopped out and placed a crutch in between so I wouldn't be stranded on the roof. I made my way between grunts, curses and puffs to the edge of the building, promising a nice view and I popped a cigarette in my mouth, lighting it up and taking a long drag out of it and letting it out with my eyes closed, while shifting all of my weight onto the bars, keeping me from falling.

                I was putting my head down on my arms when I heard shuffling, but I blamed it on the wind, completely ignoring the possibility of getting caught.

                I was in my thoughts, through my mind was blank, the only thing keeping my mind working, being the movement of raising my hand that was hanging over the banister to put the stick in my mouth and then back down.

                “ Hey where did you go?” a voice was heard from beside me.

                “ Nowhere. My mind is always blank when I smoke.” I kept having the conversation with the person that I thought I knew who it was.

                “ You seem lost. Are you okay?”

                “ It’s just… at night is the only time I let my guard down and that mostly happens when I smoke and so that's why I look lost. Because that's what I am, every single time, lost.” I said taking another drag from the cigarette.

                “ You know? If cigarettes weren’t the ones that made you this way I would have said to keep doing it 'cause it's a good look on you.”

                “ I hate it. It leaves me vulnerable and that is weak. And to be weak means that you get walked all over.”

                “ Being weak means that you feel and that you like to be felt.”

                “ Yeah well… for me it's a weakness. Feeling, sentiments, everything! I hate it.” I finished with a grunt as my ribs were pushed in by my weight hanging on the bar, that being the reason why didn't fall yet, from the 8th floor.

                “ Well, you are human. You have to feel something…”

                “ And I do. But if I can keep it at a minimum, I would rather do that.

                “ So basically to be inhuman.” he said turning towards me leaning with his side and elbow on the bar. I looked at him. His hair was messy, more than usual, the washed out dark T shirt was wrinkled and tucked into a corner in the blue ripped jeans that, by the look of the unbuckled belt and opened button, they were pulled on in a rush. His eyes were glistening with tears and exhaust as he just woke up. I kept looking at him, at his hazel eyes that were still waiting for an answer and with every second I did not answer, a smile on his face would grow bigger and bigger. “ You know what?”  he said once the smile turned into a smirk.

                “ No, I probably don't know.” I said taking a last drag of smoke and throwing the mock into the darkness.

                “ I bet you feel a lot of things.”

                “ Bet! Like when an i***t is stepping on my cast. Then I can say that I feel pain.” I taunted him.

                “ See… so you feel pain when some i***t is stepping on your-“ he stopped repeating what I just said and then jumped a mile away from me. “ I was staying on your cast, wasn't I?” he said embarrassed and with sorrow in his eyes.

                “ No you weren't, but I bet that woke you up from asking me nonsense.”

                “ What do you mean?” he looked at me concerned.

                “ I mean that you ask me questions about my feelings when you know damn well what I feel.” I said as tears threatened to appear.

                “ No Jay, I don't know so please do tell me.”

                “I feel furious. Every day I am fueled by rage and fear of my low self-esteem. I feel lost and scared by not being able to control these feelings and especially uneasy and worthless.”

                “ Oh… you shouldn't feel like that. You should only feel joy.” said Ares getting closer to come and comfort me.

                “ But I don’t!” I cut him abruptly, “ Ever since I collapsed, I find it harder and harder to keep my shields up. I mean look at me! I'm talking about my feelings with Ares, the Alpha of Silvergate High School s***h Hell!”

                “ Yeah… we need to talk about that.” he said lurking in words and then he saw my face. “ Not now, I mean unless you want to… obviously.” he got caught in his words.

                I chose not to answer so I continued ignoring him, turning my head towards the view and the fresh air of the night, purposely making the situation awkward.

                “ Right, so why did you sneak out?” he turned to face the same view and change the subject.

                “ I couldn't sleep because your snores are so loud.” To see the offended face of a drama Queen? f*****g gold and worth it.

                 Raising a hand with the fingers spread out across his chest, mouth wide open, in a stance signifying that he was about to give me hell.

                 “ I do not snore!” he said it in a high pitched voice, “ I am aware of my sleep apnea, but I do not snore.” He said moving his index finger in midair.

                 “ I know, I know. I was just joking around with you, Snorri.”

                “ Okay! That's it. I've had enough. I'm coming for you!”

                 “ Sure thing.” I said turning my gaze away from him and with the end of my eye, I caught a massive Ares charging into me, like a tackle during a football game.

                “ Ares… NO!” was all I had time to say before he grabbed me, shifting his position so I would fall onto him and not get hurt.

                “ I can’t believe you really thought I would hurt you.” He said while laughing and tucking my hair behind the ear. His giggles vibrating through his body.

                “ You literally just started running towards me. I didn’t know if you were going to pick me up, throw me on the floor or punch me.” I said opening my eyes, now that I was safe. Still feeling Ares laughing under me.

                “ I would never hurt you.” He said in a serious voice, “ You know that, don’t you?” he cupped my chick with one hand while the other was laying on my back.

                “ I know…” I said in a dim voice.

                “ Then why don’t you trust me enough to tell me what happened?”

                “ It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just… Ares I don't even know what happened or the last thing I was doing before seeing you.” I try to smile so I don’t end up crying.

                “ Okay, don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.” He tried to sound like everything was fine, but it wasn’t. “ Hey, what’s going on with you?” I think he saw my face trying to keep away from tears.

                “ Nothing. I think I’m getting tired now.” I hid under a lie again.

                “ Okay, I’ll carry you to your bed.” He said getting up and lifting me in his arms.

                “ What about my crutches?” I said concerned.

                “ Well… I could leave them here so you won’t escape next time” he said with an evil smile on his face and I panicked. “ Or I could just come back for them later.” He said in an indifferent voice, watching my expression turn back to normal. “ I’m just messing with you. I’ll come back for them after I put you in bed.”

                I gotta say, he is strong. He carried me down the stairs without breaking a sweat. And when we arrived back in the hallway, he sneaked us in without anyone hearing us, unlike me, that made every door bang and screech.

                “ Okay, now…” he said putting me in bed and covering me with the blanket. “ I’ll go get the crutches. While I’m there, please don’t do anything stupid.” He said and left with a smile on his face.

                I however, started crying. I don’t know why, but I did.

                Okay, pick yourself up and get your s**t together woman before he comes back and sees you like this.

                Not knowing if I’ll stop myself from crying in time, I turned on the other side and tried to contain myself. But it did not work.

                “ Okay, a pair of crutches and two sleepy teenagers… “ he said while coming into the room and closing the door.

                “ Thank you.” I tried saying it in a normal voice, but my sniffling gave me away.

                “ Hey, hey, hey… what happened? What’s wrong?” Ares came closer to caress my face.

                “ I don't know. I just… I just can't stop crying.” more tears were rolling from my eyes.

                “ Okay, okay. Come here…” he gestured for me to come into his arms once he was in bed. I moved closer, hugging him tight, desperately trying to stop the tears from falling and wetting Ares’s shirt. “ You are safe now sweetheart.” he whispered in my hair, pulling me closer. He himself trying to stop the sobbing ball in his arms.