Fate

Episode 2

It was suddenly silent, and all eyes were turned waiting for me to react. But I was stuck hearing those words over and over again.. me a guardian to the kid. which i***t convinced my sister that this could be a good idea, I was travelling for work half the year and working the other half. Taking a child in would be impossible, and I wasn't ready to change my life. I didn't even want to change it, this life was the only thing that kept me going, I learnt over the years that I should be always busy and working to the level of exhaustion that when the night come I would be a sleep before I could even think and remember what I have lost what I almost had and lost.

Forcing myself back in the present, they were all still looking at me, waiting for me to talk.

clearing my voice, trying to choose the right thing to say was really hard, I knew I would refuse but I have to do it nicely, the kid was still here and somehow I was fully aware my decision is going to affect his whole life more than it would affect me.

"What happens if I can't have his guardianship?" I said, avoiding looking at Ali

" It's up to you to refuse or accept, of course, If you can't have him, then he will go back to the orphanage," said the woman from the social affairs

" You can't raise him alone. If you think about taking the child, you have to come back to Muğla with me, and we will.." My dad started to talk when I stopped him

" Dad, please not now.." I said, looking at him and sighing

"Fine," he said, sighing as well

" I need time to get you back on this, please," I said, looking at both women, " But anyways can we open a bank account for Ali, so I can deposit the money in it"

" Sure, take your time, and we will open the bank account in the meantime. Sorry for the disturbance we will get going now. This my card call me anytime, " said the lawyer, handing me her work card and getting up to leave..

I followed them to the door. Once we were outside, I made sure the door was closed when I started talking,

" How long it takes to find a good family to take him in?"

" I am not sure really, sometimes it happens fast and sometimes it never happens"

" Can you start looking then? He can stay here a month or two. Can you find something at this time?"

" So your answer is no, you will not be his guradiane?"

" I can't. My lifestyle is not fit for a child. He needs stability and a family, parents, like every other kid, I can't give him that."

" Then you should tell him, now he has hope he will stay that you said you will think anout it."

" I will talk to him, please just try to find him a good family in the meanwhile."

" OK then,"

"Thank you," I said, turning to go back inside

Once inside the house that both my dad and were not in the living room anymore, only Yasamin was standing by the window, looking outside, approaching and standing next to her

" You didn't say anything the whole time," I said, looking outside the window as well

" What should I say?"

" What do you think I should do?"

" You know I can't give you an answer for that, I will support your decision both ways, but I am just thinking."

"About what?"

" Why did they do it?"

"Why did they give it to me, you mean?"

"Yes, If they wanted him to be raised in the family, your dad can take this guardianship, they knew you lifestyle so well"

" Do you really think dad will agree to this? You know how he feels about the whole adoption thing,"

" Yes, but a will from his deceased daughter and son in law maybe he will agree."

" You think I should give it to him?"

" Now I am sure he will refuse to force you to go back home with him,"

" True, I agree,"

" I am just wondering why did she do it. Maybe she knew why it was best this way,"

" What do you mean?"

" You know your sister, she always had a plan and always thought of everything, I am just wondering what is it she knew."

" Yes, she always had a plan for sure," I said, chuckling,

" What are you going to do?"

" I told them to look for a good family for him. He can stay here until then,"

" When will you tell him?"

" Not today, maybe tomorrow." I said moving away

Later that night, I found my dad waiting for me in my room,

" I think it's time to talk, don't you think so?"

" About what dad?"

" You and what you are going to do, honey"

"What I am going to do regarding what?"

" Your life, the kid, and me, your family"

He was so calm and composed something that rarely happened in our conversations togather, Maybe that's what made me sit and listen to him for the first time in a long time, making me realize how much I actually missed talking to him..

Me sitting down gave him the green light to continue

" Don't you think it's time to come back, dear?"

" Dad, you know I can't, I don't think I will ever be ready,"

" Honey, it's been 10 years, isn't that enough?

" That place has so many memories of us, I can't go back without him, dad,"

" You won't be alone I will be there and bring the kid we can give him a good live together, dear"

" The kid? you accept him?"

" Not as my grandchild, no, you know what I think about that, but as your sister's will we can give him a good place to live, you and I, you need to face your past to have a future"

" If I want to face the past then I have to go to London, dad, It's where I left myself" I said in a low voice eyeing the ground

"You need to start somewhere, start in Muğla and then go to London"

" Dad, please don't push it, I don't want to come back yet"

"Fine" he said sighing, then he continued

" What are you going to do then?"

" I gave a lot of job applications few weeks ago, I think I will be hearing a response soon, I will start a new project,"

" And the kid?"

" I told them to find him a good family, meanwhile he can stay here"

" You giving him up then?"

" What do you mean?, I never promised anything"

" I know but don't you think your sister wanted him to stay with you for a reason"

" Then she should have said the reason, or at least asked before writing the will, I can't read minds "

" Fine, don't get angry, I won't push you anymore do whatever you want, just know you are always welcome home everyone misses you"

"Thank you dad," I said hugging him

"I will go to talk to Ali then," I said leaving the room.

Going towads the kids room I was praying on the inside that he would be sleeping, that I don't have to face having this conversation tonight, but I knew I was not that lucky, knocking lightly on the door it didn't take five seconds before it was opened revealing a very alert looking child,

" oh you still awake, I thought you slept already"

" No sorry I will sleep now" he said in a very low voice eyeing the ground and not raising his head..

""It's ok don't apologize, I know it was a long day already but can I talk to you for a while"

"Ok" he said in a small voice moving further in the room to sit on his bed eyeing me nervously

I pulled the chair by his desk moving it to sit right infront of him and looking at him I took a large breath

" Look, I know we didn't meet before and the last two days must have been very hard for you with everything going on you must feel lost and worried"

When he didn't say or do anything I took this as a sign to keep going

" I also know you must have questions, If you want you can ask me anything I will do my best to answer you"

He hesitated for a while avoiding making any eye contact with me

" Are you going to send me back to the orphenage?" he asked in a very low voice I doubt I would hear it if I wasn't so close to him, his tone of voice seemed extremely vulnerable and nervous, it took all my power not to pull him for a hug to comfort him but how can I?

when my intention was to come tell what he feared exactly will happen, in that moment I wished I could actually let him live with me, but I knew it was near impossible.

Me taking long pause to answer seemed to nerve wreck him more, because he lifted his eyes to meet mine, It was then did I realize that our eye colour is actually very similar

clearing my thoughts I forced my self back to the conversation not to worry him more,

" Look Ali I will tell you the truth, unfortunately you can't stay with me forever, my job force me to travel a lot, it won't be convenient for you.. But you can stay here till the social service find a good home for you, this house is already yours my sister left it for you, we can stay here till we find a good buyer so I can put the money in you account, that you can access when you are 18, what do you think?"

He eyed me for some time not moving or even blinking, and to be honest it worried me a little, and then a new found emotion entered his eyes was it disappointment I could not point it beacuse it was quickly replaced with anger, and it surprised me to actually see the kid angry

" I don't want any money,

he said eyeing me with angry eyes

" It's your inheritance..

He didn't let me finish talking before he continued forcefully, what really surprised me again

" If I am leaving eventually then there is no need to wait, I want to leave tomorrow back to the orphanage"