80 Years

No Stop Lights

I didn't know if I would ever see her name on the entry sheets in our hometown again. She left six years ago , changed her number, deleted social media, and became a ghost. A ghost that haunts me. I see her working at the diner, I see her running through town. I see her when I kiss those girls. Just to fill my loneliness. now I see her name with a different last name than mine. I'd heard the rumors from the beauty salons in town and from her daughters stepmother. I didn't want to believe it. I stared at the page longer than I should. Sean came over and asked, signing, "What's taken so long?" All I can do is point to her name.. he squeezed my shoulder and signs, "What now?" I can tell he is worried about me. He dragged me out of the hole I buried myself in when she left Arbor. I went back to my old ways drugs alcohol partying every night when when we ended, I lost it. I almost lost my place with the rodeo company.

I grabbed his shoulder and signed, "Come on, leave it, we have a job to do." We go to get ready at my truck, and I need a beer. I'm listening to music as I paint my face. Adding stars above the crosses on my cheek. I listen to Spotify and shuffle, the songs we used to listen to. Another swig of beer, and I hear her giggle. It's the same one that still makes my heart stop and cause my hands to sweat. Maybe I'm imagining it, shaking my head, continuing to put on my makeup, and we head over to the arena about 10 minutes later. Right before I walk through that gate, I pray for her, and then I step onto my stage.

During the team roping when I know she's getting ready in her trailer. I find Cade, petting neck messing up her braids.I whisper in his ear. You better run fast, man. She'll turn us both into glue if you don't. I hear a trailer door open. And I slip off into the darkness. He's watching me.

And I blow her a kiss. The closest we've been in 6 years.

She's stunning. Her once short hair is now long down her back and curls. Her very flashy jewelry is shining just like it always does.

I see her tightener saddle and then squat down in prayer. A prayer she says before every ride, and I hear Her whisper. Lord, if he's fighting, keep him safe. Let him exit the arena safely. She tightens her saddle again, steps on Cade. And rides off to warm up. I don't know what to make of that. She's still prays for me even when I tore her world apart.

I make my way back to the truck to grab my vest. At least he's one of the loyal ones.

When the bull riding starts, i see a few trailers leaving. Im sure one of them is her until Sean signs "I see her" right after our introduction.. i stiffen before turning to scan the crowd, and i find her. It doesn't take long for me to pick her out of the crowd. She stayed.

Before the nerves get the best of me, i turn back to him, "act cool," as he rolls his eyes, knowing i could throw up right now.... cowboys fall, and only a few cover, Decker is up next, and i love to freestyle the bull he's on, but he's got to get the hell up for me to do so. Decker slides on as the cowboy falls, his buddy is pulling his rope, and he wraps it. He winks at me as i shake my head.. damn kid is gonna get killed doing this stupid s**t. Soon hes nodding, chute gate swings open, and we were getting into position slowly waiting for the buzzer.... it feels like forever, but it's only 8 seconds.. the buzzer sounds, and we move in. Decker starts to get hung up. he's jumping with his bull. I move in, grab the rope, and try to get the tail of his rope to pull it so his hand will come free. He's jumping with his bull, looking at me, i finally pull his tail as he falls to the ground. Sean moves to grab him, but Decker knows to get the hell out of the way. He's safe. He's good. Adrenaline pumping through my veins as the black bull leaves the pen. Roam is all the can think of now.. i look to where she was, and she's gone... i sprint out of the arena towards her trailer... i see Cade spooke at me, and i dont care. She's looking for what he sees, and as she turning i grab her, and i kiss her with all the words i wish I could say. Were both breathing hard as i released her.. "Gage." She loads Cade still breathing hard.. as she steps out of the back of the trailer, i see the ring on her finger. My heart shatters all over again... " Roam, I'm sorry I didn't know. I didn't know I didn't know what came over. I saw you in the stands and then I didn't and I just...." i run out of words to say... i hear her say, "Im sorry," but it's like the wind is knocked out of me. She walks away... again.... i see her glance in her rearview after buckling up... i drop to my knees... There's no air to fill my lungs. she's taken it with her... she glances back as she pulls away... I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I can tell it's Sean. He pulls me up and takes me to the truck. Cracks me a beer, and I sit there...