I've Always Wanted You

Chapter 2

Cassie's POV

I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin, smelt the salt from the ocean as the waves crept closer to shore with every minute. The coarse beach towel seemed emblazoned into my skin and something hard was pressed against my back. I blinked a few times adjusting to the sunlight, running my hand over the soft, warm sand as I pushed myself up. Something squeezed my stomach and I looked down to see a tan, muscular arm. I looked around only remembering remnants from the bonfire the night before. My bathing suit was still on and I wasn't sore down there. Turning slowly, I looked behind me to see Braden with his mouth open and slight snores breaking free. I let out a sigh of relief and ran my hands over my face.

A loud snore came from Braden's lips and I couldn't help but laugh at how cute it sounded. I stared at him for a moment. His short blonde hair was whispping from the wind and his tanned skin made it look even lighter than it was. He had a few specks of sand on the side of his neck and I reached to wipe it away with my thumb as he began waking up to my touch. I jerked my hand away and looked back at the ocean. I could feel my cheeks turning red. He grunted as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Did we fall asleep on the beach last night?" he asked.

"Yeah." I said, playing with the edge of the towel beneath us. I wasn't sure how we had ended up in each others arms last night, but I wasn't going to ask and I hoped he wouldn't either.

"What time is it?" he asked. He searched for his phone on the other side of him. Lifting up the towel and rubbing the sand frantically. I reached for my backpack and pulled out my phone.

"8 AM." I said, realizing that my phone was on 18%. I jumped up and pulled at the towel Braden was still sitting on. I needed to get home. I was steadily freaking out about how I ended up sleeping with my step-brother last night, and I wasn't ready to know just how we ended up entangled in one another's arms.

I jerked on the towel again, but he wouldn't budge.

"Hey, what's the rush?" he asked while shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand.

"I just need to get home. My phone is dying." I said.

"Come on. Lets enjoy the beach a little longer, Cass." he said. He patted the spot on the towel next to him.

I stood there, staring at him for a moment. I wanted to sit back down, but also wanted to go home and hide under my blankets at the same time. He had been acting weird yesterday and I wasn't sure if it was pre-football season jitters with school starting back next week, or if it was something else.

He reached for my hand, trying to pull me down to him, but I didn't sit down as willingly as he would have liked. I looked at our hands, at how large his were compared to mine and how strong they felt against my dainty fingers. His hand was warm and I could feel the sand from it sticking in between my fingers. He swung my arm slightly, begging me to sit back down for a little longer. I sighed, as I sat down beside him, hugging my knees to my chest. He smiled at me and leaned back with his palms flat against the towel behind him.

We didn't talk, just sat and listened to the waves as they crashed against the sand. I thought about Arizona and how the closest beach is over 200 miles away. The only time we ever went was when dad missed the coconut shrimp at The Satisfied Frog in Rocky Point, Mexico. It was closer than driving all the way to San Diego and with dad's car sickness acting up at random times it was better to be safe than sorry. I hadn't thought about back home in a few years. I hadn't kept in contact with my friends the way I'd wanted to and hadn't seen my grandparents in a few years due to mom not wanting to waste the money on a trip that would only result in an argument ten minutes into walking in the door and nursing a large bottle of Pinot Grigio by herself while sitting in the bathtub.

I wasn't sure what would come out of the move and at the time, I wasn't worried about finding out. I didn't want a new school, new friends, a new family. I wanted my fluffy gray carpet with nail polish stains from my failed attempts at doing my nails, and the way it felt between my toes. I wanted my blue walls that were soothing to look at when my chest rose and fell in short pants and my throat constricted tight enough to keep oxygen from getting to my lungs. I wanted my pantry sized closet with a medium sized hole in the wall, where I hid various things like my favorite book, journal and pictures of dad and me. I wanted it all back.

I felt Braden's hand brush across my face and my shoulders tensed. I looked up at him, sitting straight up and closer to me than before.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

I pressed my fingertips to my other cheek and felt tears running down my face. I looked at it as if it was foreign to me. I couldn't sit here with him, thinking these things. I couldn't sit here and pretend that he didn't seem different. He was too close. Too close for a step-brother to be to his step-sister and I couldn't pretend that I didn't like it in some way. I liked the way his eyes seemed to see me and only me, not the beautiful water, golden sand, and bright blue sky in front of us. I liked the way his hands felt on my skin like a scorching flame begging to be put out before it went too far, yet flicking back just before it could be.

"I um, I was just thinking about home." I said. I rubbed my eyes hard enough to see dark blue, green and purple spots when I opened my eyes before settling on the grayish-blue water. It came up just a few inches from our feet and I wanted so badly to let it swallow me whole and carry me away from this moment on the beach with this boy I called my brother.

"Thinking of our mansion with a view of this awesome city makes you cry?" he laughed as he asked the question, like he couldn't believe how dramatic I was being.

I faked laughter and nodded my head. "Yeah, I guess so."

But it didn't. I didn't care about the big house, or the nice cars, or the maid. I didn't care about the classy school with the best sports teams in the county and some of the snottiest trust fund babies I'd ever met. I didn't care about any of it. I thought he knew that. Many times mom had wanted to take me on one of her weekly shopping sprees and I'd refused, more interested in going to the thrift stores for the occasional vintage top and also to check out their book section. I could spend hours in bookstores. Dad used to have to drag me kicking and screaming from them when I was younger. I just couldn't get enough of the The Little Prince and his travels to other planets. He used to read it to me when I was a toddler and when I was old enough to read, I'd try to find it in any bookstore we went to. Needless to say, that book was one I hid in my closet many times.

"Wanna go get some breakfast? I'm buying." Braden asked.

I looked at him and into his green eyes. I wanted to say no, and run home to my oversized comforter and mountain of pillows. I wanted to sit and cry into a pint of ice cream while watching Easy A and wonder why my life couldn't be like a movie where the girl gets the guy of her dreams just a few minutes before the credits rolled. I wanted to suffer through pointless cat videos on Youtube that would make me smile, but inevitably make me miss my dad and the way he would make our cat Rocky dance on his lap. His paws out and head bent down, fed up with my dad's antics. I wanted anything but to sit across from him at a table in a restaurant where all I could do was look at his emerald green eyes, his profound chest pushing through his white wife beater and wanting nothing more than to touch his fingers to mine and feel the electricity there.

"Yes," I said.