Maximum Volume

The Auroras by Sasha Martinez-1

The Auroras

Sasha Martinez

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL woman in the world, the newsprint on her lap boasts, in the country’s grandest address. Aurora runs her hand flat across the single sheet, thinking too late of the stain it would leave on the gloves she was foolish to have worn.

Silk, Aurora now understands, does not belong in the homeland.

It has taken her eight years to know this for a fact. She rubs the tips of her fingers together. Look at me now, Aurora thinks, I’m a woman of the world.

Aurora looks across at Armi, sees that her sister-in-law—her charge, as Armi calls herself—is beaming. I’m a fairy tale, Armi has said more than once and to more than a handful of people—her English lilting, the bowed lips slow to form the words. Aurora knows Armi’s spiel by heart: a high school girl from Muhos, Finland takes a chance, is rewarded. How does it feel to be the first ever?, she is asked. There will be a second, a third, a tenth, a twentieth—but me!, Armi replies. And then Armi almost always trails off, laughing. She is so disarmingly young, Aurora thinks every time.

Jakob—this is her husband, her Jakob—leans toward her and she tells him, Look at that behemoth. She raises the flyer as the car pulls up the driveway—image and structure soon coalesce, the photograph in her hand mottled by this morning’s coffee, the hotel in front of her glaring white against the backdrop of sky. Impressive, Jakob says. Not at all what I had in mind. Aurora can smell the sea just beyond them, sharp and tangy. Already she feels late-afternoon mist clinging to her cheeks.

Armi, she notes, remains inviolate. Against sun, against sea breeze, against the sudden, muted explosions of flashbulbs. Miss Kuusela, they all call. Armi!, beckon the more brazen among them. Welcome to the Philippines, Miss Universe! Their repeated summons has Armi’s smile widening. Aurora catches her sister-in-law’s eye and they both laugh. The universe!, they have both exclaimed in the weeks past. My face has laid claim to the universe, Aurora. They have tittered over the presumptuousness of the title. Eighteen, Aurora thinks. This girl is eighteen.

Aurora brushes her hand against the back of her neck, now framed by the small curls that have escaped the elaborate, if severe, hairstyle. She is not one to wilt in heat, and Aurora wills her body to remember the press of that heavy air against skin. It is just March, it will get warmer. This is nothing, Aurora reminds herself. She is wearing her best cotton dress, in the ecru she so likes. There is a comb in her hair, and it has long ago proven itself stalwart against the drag of humidity.

Armi is in blue satin, her face is framed by her blonde curls. The most beautiful woman in the world—nay, in the universe—is helped out of the car first.

(Aurora waits for that telltale shudder—that kind when the body is unable to hide from itself—from the bellhop helping Armi alight the car. Did they draw straws? Was this young, pockmarked man handpicked for the job?)

Jakob follows his sister out, and turns to Aurora, taking her hand. Your castle awaits you, Madame.

The hotel lobby, of course, is abuzz. A crowd has gathered around Armi, and Aurora lets Jakob stray toward it. Are you excited?, they ask. Should we expect a rivalry? And they all laugh. Aurora moves to stand by the wall, but she is arrested by the ceaseless glint-and-glimmer of the chandeliers hanging heavy from the ceiling. A young girl runs across the expanse of floor, weaving in and out of the herd of guests in their best suits, the reporters with their unstarched cuffs, the women in their kitten heels and coral lipstick. There is an old man standing across the lobby; she sees first his halo of gray hair, and then she sees his bare feet. Aurora looks away.

Jakob retrieves her, his arm snaking around her waist. Ain’t this grand, he says. Have you ever been here before? Her husband, Aurora is sure, feels warm in his suit. If she asks him to take off his hat, she might see his sweat staining its inner lining, she might see his blonde hair turned dark. A timid approximation of brown.

Of course I have, she says. Everyone has. Including, she reminds him, Armi Kuusela. And Jakob’s arm tightens around her for a moment before saying, Yes, isn’t that the coup of the decade?

* * *

She should have written. It is not too late. Aurora can say, “I have returned,” and perhaps he will smile when he reads her missive. Or perhaps not. She can tell him that her hair has grown even longer, though next to no one ever sees it now; she can confess that she once thought of the skin of the back of her neck as not unlike the glooming paper from a book that has long remained unread. She can tell him that her palms remain roughened, no matter the creams Armi brings home. She can tell him about her hipbones, that the dip between them remains. She can tell him she is married. She can tell him she is here because her husband’s sister wanted her with them. It will be a homecoming for you, Armi said. And I get to give someone a crown!

Imagine that, Aurora will write the Colonel, this adolescent blessing the country’s most-beautiful-of-1953? I live with Finns, she will write the Colonel; my children will be most assuredly blonde, and not improbably blue-eyed.

Manila, Jakob told her weeks ago, Armi by his side letting the word trip from her tongue. Manila, Manila—say you’ll come, Aurora.

We have been sisters-in-law for only nine weeks, she will write the Colonel, and it would have been bad form to say no. She is painfully young, and I do love her. Can you imagine, she will ask the Colonel, we are here at the expense of the state you so love, just to pick one beauty among many? You must know Armi, she will write the Colonel, you must have seen her already—she is the most beautiful woman in the world.

Just your luck, her Manuel might write back.

Aurora Kuusela, he might say. Someone will name a flower after you.

* * *

He’d walked up to her, that third time she’d seen the Colonel beyond the magazines her mother took home with her. He strode across the lobby, with its floors still pockmarked, and asked her, You are keen on staying here? The haze-and-drone of cigarette-roughened voices around them had not faded when he spoke; laughter still burst and the first of the glasses that had been brought out still came together in little, pinprick clinks. Aurora looked up at the Colonel and almost murmured, Manuel.

I am, she said instead. She was sixteen then, she was wearing her best dress. She wore that best dress for every day she’d worked there. My name is Aurora, she told the Colonel, and she marveled at how far back she had to tilt her head to meet his eyes.

Brown, she realized then. Those eyes were brown.

Another Aurora, he said. When she began to smile, he told her, Keep your hair pinned back, that’s how it’s done. And then, Mother of God, you are too young for this.

And then the Colonel pushed himself off the counter—how had she failed to note how gravely he’d leaned toward her?—and he marched off. No, he walked away. Aurora had wanted to run her fingertips against the marble surface, let her skin glance against its veins in search of his heat. She told herself it was not a disappointment that he had not remembered. She told herself this, as she reached into the pocket sewn into the folds of the skirt of her best dress, fishing out her mother’s jade-laced comb.

* * *

She and her husband are assigned a room overlooking the swimming pool and, beyond that, the sea. The waters, at this time, have turned a muted orange. I like being by the sea, she remembers telling Jakob nine weeks ago—on the night of their wedding. That out there is a lake, sweeting, he responded, an apology. On their bed, she finally turned to him, murmuring, Never mind, and, I love you, you know.

Jakob is now puttering around the room, although Aurora has told him that she can do his unpacking for him. But her husband has insisted, You and I are here on vacation. Think of it as our honeymoon.

Below her, by the pool, a couple—both young, from the taut curves that she could see of their faces, from the glossy crowns of their hair—have their heads bent close. A shuffling of feet, a bracing of shoulders, Aurora sees the furious brows, the hard lines of their lips. The boy stalks off, though he turns back one last time for one last word. The girl lights a cigarette, moves deeper into the foliage. Her brow is wide and clear.

Jakob is saying, I have to check on Armi next door. And Aurora says, Of course. Aurora tells him, I will be fine. Then, silence. Aurora allows herself a whimsy; she tells herself her husband must walk up behind her, place his hands on her shoulders that he may lean in close, and closer, and confess that he has never found her so beautiful as she is now, watching a young girl smoking in the aftermath of a lovers’ spat.

Her husband does walk up behind her, and he does place his hands on her shoulders. But he doesn’t pull her close to him. Her husband drops a kiss low on her nape, where her spine rises, and he says, Lie down for a while, Miss Philippines, you must be tired. Aurora nods, the motion rubbing her skin against his lips. Walang asawa na makakatulad ka sa bait at sa lahat ng bagay, she thinks, almost in sing-song.

When Jakob leaves, she climbs onto the bed, careful to leave her feet hanging off the edge. She wonders if there are still canopied four-posters in this hotel—or was that too old-world now? She must ask Armi; if anyone has been granted the honor of that romantic throwback—those fussy curtains, the embroidery on the underside of the canopy, the spindly pillars rising around the sea-foam mattress—it will be Armi.

She runs one hand over the bedspread, and she notes that no dust rises.

She may write the Colonel: The hotel has vastly improved in the years that you and I have been gone. Someone has proven himself better than you at this job.

What was she then? The too-young receptionist? Occasional chambermaid? The somber cook’s erstwhile errand girl? Those days, though the radio had already announced the surrender of the Japanese, anyone who threaded their fingers through the air came away with soot. Those who risked the pilgrimage back into the shelled building, they all saw her and did not ask where her mother was. Aurora, some of them would call, not there, that column might not hold. She accepted what kindness they could give. Perhaps they knew, then, all of them. Perhaps they saw. She knows now that all of them yearned for a reason to walk across the city, and only then toward what once relentlessly lit up the bay. A comfort, more than a citadel. At the very least, they were all like Aurora: quite simply, they had nowhere else to go to.

The Colonel met them a week after he was assigned the task he would much later describe to Aurora as Herculean. They—stray animals unable to not keep returning to what had already been abandoned—had all come out slowly, drawn to the man who stood still in the middle of the torn lobby—right at the heart of their mass of makeshift shelters. They clutched their rosaries in their hands, the photos of their departed. A chandelier lay dulled on the floor right behind him. Aurora trailed after the crowd.

When they had all gathered, he said, I am the new General Manager.

You can all help me, the Colonel told them.

He marched down the line of ragtag help—and was he not, in those moments, in top form? Was her Colonel not magnificent as he strode?—and he told them, We will find a way. He said it in English, and then he said it in Spanish. His audience swayed, waiting for the softer susurrus of the mother tongue. But the Colonel stepped back and with a nod, terse—the Colonel, their Stoic!—he excused himself. She, of course, stared after him, drawn by the line of his spine. It was the second time she’d seen this man—and this meeting, that day, would go on. Blessedly.