ZENA - LIFE AFTER DESTRUCTION

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 5

BRADLEY READING

I WAS SITTING ON THE SOFA WATCHING SOME TV AND ACCTUALLY TO BE HONEST THINKING OFF ZENA, DON’T KNOW WHY I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HER I DON’T EVEN REALLY KNOW HER ONLY STUFF WHAT SEAN HAS TOLD ME WICH WAS NOT ALL TO GOOD AND MEETING HER MAKING ME BELIEVE MOST OFF THE STUFF BUT I SAW SOMETHING THERE AND I NEED TO FIND THAT INNER PERSON, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO PROTECTIVE OVER A GIRL NOT AS SHE SEEMS TO BE NEEDING ANY PROTECTION, I HAVE ONLY BEEN YEAR A WEEK AND STARTING SCHOOL HERE TOMORROW TO FINISH MY SENIOR YEAR HERE I WILL BE BUMPING INTO HER OFTEN, ANGER STARTED CREEPING UP IN ME THE THINGS I SAW TODAY THERE IS MORE TO TIS GIRL AND THE SAD PART IS SHE DOES NOT EVEN KNOW OR CARE TO FIND OUT, SHES HEADING ON A SELFDESTRUCTION PATH AND SHE SEEMS FINE WITH IT, THAT’S NOT RIGHT, WHAT COULD HAVE MESSED THIS CHICK UP SO MUCH, REALIZING I WAS CLINTCHING MY FISTS I HAD TO DO SOMETHING TO STOP HER I SHOULD GO OVER THERE AND STOP HER, THE ONLY THING AT THAT MOMENT STOPPING ME FOR GOING OVER THERE WAS THE FACT THAT SEAN HAS TOLD ME GOING THERE IS A BIG NO NO THOSE WIERDOS DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE THERE BUT THERE OWN. WEIRD SET UP, STARING INTO EMPTIENISS HER FACE COME TO MIND SHE IS SUCH A BEAUTIFULL GIRL TRYING TO HIDE BEHIND THE MAKE UP BLACK CLOTHES SHE IS ACCTUALLY ONE OFF THE MOST GORGEOUSE GIRLS I HAVE EVER MET.

PHONE VIBRATING RECEIVING TEXT.

ZENA: A LITTLE TO LATE!!!!!

WTF IS UP WITH THIS GIRL I THOUGHT WHILE READING,

BRADLEY: PLEASE DON’T YOUR WORTH MORE THAN THAT, s**t WHY I DID REPLY WHY I NOT JUST IGNORED THE GIRL, SHES GONNA DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO ANYWAY.

ZENA: WANA GET YOUR ROCKS OFF SAY WHERE WHEN AND WHERE,

FUCK THIS CHICK IS HIGH f**k THAT.

BRADLEY: NOT INTRESTED TO TALK OR ANYTHING WITH YOU WHEN YOU’RE HIGH, SEE YOU AT SCHOOL!!!!!

ZENA: PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!

WHY IS THIS GIRL WORKING ME UP THIS WAY THINKING WALKING TOWARDS HER AT SCHOOL HEARING AND SEEING WHAT THE OTHER KIDS WERE SAYING ABOUT HER STANDING THERE IN HER USSUAL BLACK CLOTHING, HESITATING IF I SHOULD GO CLOSER,,,I HAVE TO I HAVE TO MAKE SURE SHE IS OK! GETTING TO HER LOCKER I SOFTLY GRABBED HER BY THE ARM TO TURN HER AROUND,,, OUCH SHE UTTERED AND PULLED AWAY QUICKLLY, SORRY SO SORRY I DID NOT MENT TO HURT YOU ARE YOU OK, THINKING TO MYSELF THERE WAS NO WAY THAT THAT GRABBING WHICH WAS MORE A TOUCH COULD HAVE HURT HER THE WAY I SAW THE PAIN ON HER FACE, SHE LOOKED ME IN THE EYES A LOOK I NEVER SEEN BEFORE IT FELT LIKE MY HEART WAS MELTING THE SOFTESS GENTLESST LOOK I EVER SEEN, WHATS HAPPENING TO ME? HERE I WAS REDDY TO GIVE HER A MOUTHFULL BUT SEEING HER LOOKING AT ME THE WAY SHE WAS LOOKING LOST HURT I WOULD HAVE RAHTER WANTED TO TAKE HER IN MY ARMS ANS JSUR HOLD HER, HER MOUTH OPENED WITH THE CRUEL WORDS SHE IS SO USED TO USE, HI STUD YOU HERE TO MAKE YOUR f**k DATE SHE SAID WITH A HUSKY VOICE A BIT EARLY FOR ME BUT I M SURE WE CAN HOOK UP AFTER SCHOOL, THAT’S HARSH HE SAID AS HE WAS TURNING AROUND TO WALK AWAY I SAW IN HIS EYES THAT THERE WAS CONCERN FOR ME IN HIS EYES AND AGAIN I HAD TO f**k IT UP I THOUGHT AS HE WAS WALKING AWAY NOT SAYING A WORD, WHATS WRONG STUD TO MUCH TO HANDLE FOR YOU I SMIRKED AS HE WALKED AWAY, I FELT LIKE A REAL i***t WHY ZENA WAS THAT NOW NESSACCERY I KNEW HE WAS THERE TO SEE IF I WAS OK BUT I HAD TO PUSH HIM AWAY, WHATS HAPPENING I THOUGHT WHY DO I EVEN CARE ABOUT HIS FEELINGS WHY IS HE EVEN IN MY LIFE? I GOT SUCH A FRIGHT WHEN I HEARD VERNS VOICE NEXT TO ME WHILE I WAS SO FOCUSED ON BRADLEY WALKING AWAY NOT EVEN LOOKING BACK. YOUR ARMS SORE SHE ASKED BEEN SEEING YOU RUBBING IT, NO ITS NOTHING I REPLIED, BEST WE THEN GET TO OUR FIRST CLASS BELL HAS RANG ALLREADY, IT DID I THOUGHT I HAVENT EVEN HEARD IT. MORNING STUDENTS PROFFESOR SAID WITH BRADLEY STANDING NEXT TO HIM, THIS IS BRADLEY HE WILL BE JOINGING OUR CLASS FOR THE REMAINDER OFF THE YEAR, ALL OFF A SUDDEN I FELT VERNS ARMS AROUND MY WAIST, ARE YOU OK YOU ALMOST FAINTED, SORRY YES I AM I HAD NOT HAD BREAKFAST I REPLIED TAKING MY SEAT, MY HEAD FOR THE REST OFF THE DAY WAS NOT AT SCHOOL REPLAYING EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENED LAST NIGHT AND THE THING WHATEVER IT IS BETWEEN ME AND BRADLEY WHY DOES HE CARE? HE WAS IN MOSRT MY CLASSES AND A YEAR OLDER RUMOUR HAS IT HE HAD TO REDO THIS YEAR, MY PHONE VIBRATING IN MY POCKET.

BRADLEY: YOU OK?

ZENA: YES

BRADLEY: BAD LIAR AT THAT!!!

ZENA: PLEASE DON’T LET ME BE!!!

BRADLEY: NO,

I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS SO I IGNORED THE MESSAGES COMING THROUGH.

ATLEAST I HAVE A OFF PERIOD NEXT I CAN SNEAK OFF TO THE WOODS TO GO HAVE A JOINT WUICKLLY AS MY WHOLE BODY WAS ACHING HOPING IT WILL HELP ME COPE WITH THE REST OFF THE DAY, BELL RANG SNEAKING OFF TO THE WOODS FINDING A SPOT TO SIT ON THE GRASS TO LIGHT UP A JOINT TSKING A DEEP BREATH, THERE YOU GO BACK TO NORMALITY, AND I ACCTUALLY FELT BETTER, ENJOYING EVERY PUFF,,,I HEARD BRADLEYS VOICE COMING CLOSER AND ME TRYING TO HIDE THE JOINT WHY WHO KNOWS,,, ME IN MY CRUELL SELF AGAIN ARE YOU HERE FOR YOUR TURN, ZENA STOP IT DON’T YOU GET THE MESSAGE NOT INTRESTED AND THAT’S NOT WHY I AM HERE. WELL THEN LEAVE STUD LET ME FINISH IN PEACE, NO I AM HEAR TO FIND OUT WHATS UP WITH YOUR ARM I ONLY TOUCHED YOU THIS MORNING AND HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU ALL DAY RUBBING YOUR ARM OR NOT EVEN USING IT, WHATS UP ZENA? WITHOUT ME REALIZING I WAS RUBBING IT WHILE HE WAS TALKING. THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH MY ARM AND IF THERE WERE ITS NOT ANY OFF COUR CONCERN ANYWAY, SO BACKOFF, BEFORE I COULD MOVE HE HAD MY ARM IN BOTH HIS HANDS AND MOVED MY SLEEVE UP ALL THE WAY REVEALING WHAT I WAS HIDDING, FRESH CUTTS MADE TO MY ARM BUT ALSO HE COULD SEE THE OLD SCARS ON MY WRIST. HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYES AND I SAW HIS EYES GETTING WATERY, MY GIRL YOUR MORE MESSED UP AS I THOUGHT, LET ME HELP YOU HE SAID. LOOKED AT HIM WANTING TO JUST RAN TO HIM AND HAVE HIM WRAPP HIS ARMS AROUND ME I STOPPED MYSELF, HE ASKED: HOW CAN YOU BE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, TWO DIIFRENT PEOPLE I ASKED? YES HE SAID,,,,, AND HE TURNED AWAY AND WALKED AWAY, TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE I WONDRED TO MYSELF, WHAT DOES HE MEAN” SAME QUESTION STAYED WITH ME THE REST OFF THE DAY, THE WEEK FLEW BYE, SAW HIM IN CLASS AND AROUND SCHOOL GREETING EACH OTHER BUT NOTHING MORE, I WAS GREATFULL WEEKEND IS HERE BEEN AN EMOTIONAL ONE AND NEEDED TO GET SOME SLEEP. MYSELF AND VERN HOWEVER GOTTEN CLOSER THIS WEEK SPENDING SOME TIME WITH EACH OTHER THERE WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO HER SHE WAS NOT LIKE ALL THE OTHER WEIRD ONES, WHATS WRONG WITH ME I THOUGHT TO MYSELF I NEVER CARED ABOUT PEOPLE BUT THESE DAYS I AM STARTING TO CARE EVEN ABOUT THE WEIRD ONES, ANY PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND VERN ASKED AS WE LEFT SCHOOL? NOPE YOU SHOULD KNOW THE USSUAL STUFF AROUND THE HOUSE I SAID LAUGHING. COME CLOSER SHE WHISPERD AS SHE MOVED CLOSER TO ME, PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER SHE WHISPPERD I PULLED AWAY WTF I SAID HOW DO YOU KNOW, SSSSHHHH SHE SAID NOT SO LOAD, WE ALL HAVE OUR LITTLE SECRETS SHE SMILED, WE EXCHANGED NUMBERS ME STILL BEING A BIT SURPRISED TO FIND OUT SHE OWNS A PHONE, TECHNOLOGY WAS NOT A THING FOR THE WIERDOS, BRADLEY PASSING US AS WE WERE ABOUT TO LEAVE GIVING ME A WINK BEFORE I COULD STOP MYSELF I SAID HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND STUD, HE PAUSED IN HIS STEPS LOOKED BACK AND GAVE ME A SMILE AND HEADED OFF TOWARDS SEANS CAR, s**t I THOUGH I NEED TO GET TO SEAN MY STASH GETTING LOW, GREETING VERN I RAN TOWARDS SEANS CAR, SEAN! SEAN! I CALLED OUT BEFORE HE LEAVES, STANDING AT THE CAR DOOR, YES MY WITCH WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR, HEHEHEHEH HE LAUGHED. I M LOW AND I ONLY GET MONEY ON MONDAY IS THERE ANYWAY I CAN GET SOME UNTILL THEN, BRADLEY UTTERED AGAIN DON’T YOU LEARN,,,,SSSHHH BRAD NOT YOUR BUSINESS SEAN SAID TO HIM, NOT ON ME BUT I CAN BRING PAST YOUR PLACE LATER ON WHAT. WHAT YOU WANT? JUST SOME DOPE PLEASE IS IT ALL HE ASKED AGAIN? YES IA M SURE, THE WHOLE TIME I WAS TALKING TO SEAN I COULD SEE BRADLEYS EYES ON ME, OK SEAN I BEST GET GOING WILL YOU TEXT ME WHEN YOU HAVE THE GOODS I M ONE TEMPLE DUTIE THIS AFTERNOON SO YOU CAN MEET ME THERE BEHIND THE TEMPLE. SEAN LAUGHED SO YOULL BE A WIERED ONE THIS AFTERNOON, STOP IT SEAN! YOU KNOW I HAVE TO NOT MY CHOICE. I TURNED AROUND AND STARTED WALKING HOME THE WALK ALWAYS SEEMED TO BE SO QUICK, I SUPPPOSE IT WAS THE FEELING OFF ME JUST WANTING TO GET THE AFTERNOONS OVER AND DONE WITH SO I CAN GET TO MY ROOM AND BE JUST BY MYSELF. I ARRIVED HOME JUST AFTER 2PM STRANGE NO ONE ARROUND, SOME SORT OFF RELIEVE, FALLING ON MY BED JUST LYING THERE THE THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND AGAIN REPLYING THIS DAY THIS WEEK, I REALIZED WHILE LYING THERE ITS STRANGE MY AUNT HAS BEEN AVOIDING ME SINCE THE ELDERS MEETING OFF THE OTHER NIGHT WONDER WHAT THE WIERDOS ARE UP TO NOW AGAIN, BUT AT THIS STAGE I AM JUST GLAD I HAVE SOME TIME TO MYSELF WITH NO ONE AROUND, PEACE I SAID WITH A BIGH SIGH,

PHONE VIBRATING,

HI, DO YOU HAVE PLANS FOR TOMORROW NIGHT?

VERN: DO YOU THINK YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SNEAK OUT?

VERN: THERES A GET TOGHTER IN THE WOODS AND WOULD LOVE IF YOU COULD JOIN US.

ZENA: WHAT! WERE NOT ALLOWED!!

VERN: PISSY!!!! I M SURE YOU CAN MAKE A PLAN IF I CAN, HAHAHAHA

ZENA: OK I WILL SEE IF I CAN MAKE IT, THERE IS SOMETHING STRANGE GOING ON HERE! I AM OFF TO DO MY DUTIES, WILL LET YOU KNOW. AGAIN I AM DOING THE SAME THING AS ALWAYS IF I HAVE TO GO TO THE TEMPLE UUUGGGGHHHHHH REALLY THIS IS CRAP I SAID DOING MY HAIR UP IN A BUN, HEADING DOWNSTAIRS TO HEAD TO TEMPLE, OOOOHHHH MY WORD SARAH AWAITS ME INFRONT OF TEMPLE IS SHE DOING THE UNHOLLY CLEANSING ON ME TODAY, WITH A SIGH I KNELT KNOWING NOT EVEN WORTH SAYING A WORD I M SO USED TO BEING THE OUTCAST AND IT SUITES ME I DON’T WANA BE ONE OFF THEM ANYWAY. NOT VERY LONG AFTER SARAH DISSAPEARD I HEARD A VOICE BEHIND THE TEMPLE, ZENA!! ZENA YOU HERE? IT WAS SEAN! I QUICKLLY RAN TO THE BACK OFF THE TEMPLE ALMOST RAN OVER BRADLEY, I DON’T GET EMBARRESED IT OBVIOUSE BUT AT THAT MOMENT I PRAYED THAT THE EART WILL SWOLLOW ME, NO f**k SEAN,,,, I SAID WAS IT NESSASERY TO BRING HIM WITH, SEAN CAN SEE ME NOT BEING VERY IMPRESSED.  BRADLEY SMILED AS HE LOOKED ME UP AND DOWN, ITS OK BEAUTYFULL I LIKE YOU IN THIS PLAIN LOOK BETTER THAN THE BLACK, I SAID, GOD EVERYTIME I SEE THIS GIRL I RALIZE MORE AND MORE HOW BEAUTYFULL SHE IS, I COULD SEE SHE IS FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE BUT SOEMTHINGS UP HERE AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND, BRADLEY THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, WHYS HE LOOKING AT ME THAT WHY? I THOUGHT AS WE LOOKED EACH OTHER IN THE EYES, THERES SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HIM AND IT SCARES ME, I THINK I LIKE HIM MORE THAN I SHOULD., I STARTED TO LAUGH WELL STUD NOW THERES NOTHING MORE TO HIDE THIS IS MY STORIE, BRADLEY SUPPRISED ME WITH HIS RESPONSE I DON’T THINK HE MENT TO SAY IT BUT OUT OFF HIS MOVE CAME THE WORDS THAT I HAVE LONGED FOR ANYBODY TO SAY TO CARE FOR ME, I WOULD LOVE TO READ THAT STORIE!!!! SEAN JUST LOOKING AT THIS SEET UP BEING ANNOYED, ZENA HERES YOUR STUFF AND HANDED ME TWO BAGGIES, I THREW SOME H IN THERE ASWELL FOR YOU, I SEE BRADLEY TENSE UP REACHING TO GRAB THE STUFF FROM ME, BUT I QUICKLLY PULLED AWAY, NO BRAD YOU DON’T . YOU’RE IN MY DEBT AGAIN SEAN SAID, I SAID I LL PAY YOU ON MONDAY THE THOUGHT OFF HAVING TO f**k THIS CREEP MAKES MY STOMACH KNOT. AND SO THEY LEFT LEAVING ME STANDING THERE YET AGAIN MY MIND ALL OVER THE PLACE WHATS HAPPENING BETWEEN ME AND BRAD I DON’T KNOW THIS FEELING BUT I KNOW FORSURE SEAN ALSO PICKED UP SOMETHING UP, HIS BODY LAUNGAGE SAID IT ALL. BY 5PM I WAS DONE AT THE TEMPLE HEADING HOME STILL NO ADULTS AROUND I JUST SEE THE KIDS PLAYING ON THE LAWN, BUT AS ALWAYS THEY IGNORE ME. I M HEADING TO MY ROOM IF YOUR LOOKING FOR ME I SAID AS I PAST THE KIDS. I M SO TIRED BEEN A LONG WEEK AND I JUST NEEDED TO SLEEP, BUT MY HEAD CANT STOP THINKING, SITTING AT MY WINDOW LIGTHING A JOINT LOOKING AT MY PHONE WANTING TO SEND HIM A TEXT,

TEXT.

VERN, HI ZENA, ANY IDEA ON HOW YOU’RE GOING TO ESCAPE YET,

VERN, TELL THEM YOUR VISITING ME TO LEARN THERE WAYS HAHAHAHA.

ZENA, DUH YOU DUMP GIRL THAT WILL NEVER WORK THE WIERDOS ALL TALK YOU SHOULD KNOW. BUT DON’T WORRY I WILL THINK OFF SOMETHING, I LL BE THERE!!!

VERN, HOPE IT WORKS,,,

I M LYING ON MY BED NOW STILL TRYING TO FIGURE VERN OUT HOW SHES BEEN GETTING AWAY WITH THESE THINGS FOR SO LONG,

THIS HAS BEEN A WEIRD WEEK ME AND BRAD AND THINGS IN THE HOUSE HAS ALSO BEEN DIFFERENT SINCE THE ELDERS FIRST MEETING THIS WEEK, WHATS UP? EVEN CONTACT WITH BRENDA HAS BEEN MINIMUM AS IF SHES BEEN AVOIDING ME? SOMETHINGS UP AND I DON’T LIKE, EVERYBODY STAYED OUT OFF MY WAY THIS WEEK STRANGE BUT I NEEDED IT HOWEVER, LET ME GO AND TAKE A NICE HOT BUBBLE BATH AND RELAX AND HAVE AN EARLY NIGHT, WONDER WHAT BRADS UP TO, WTF WHY IAM I WONDERING WHAT HIS UP TO, STILL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!

LYING ON MY BED IN MY TOWL

TEST

ZENA. HI STUD! YOU UP?

BRADLEY, PLEASANT AWAKENING, NO I AM, AND FULL ATTENTION ON YOU YOUR BEAUTIFULL GREATURE.

BRAD: YOU’RE UP LATE MY GIRL ITS PAST ELEVEN ALLREADY.

ZENA: CANT SLEEP, LOTS ON MY MIND, HAD A NICE BATH AND MY USSUAL ROUTINE.

BRAD: WELL I HOPE I M SOMEWHERE IN THAT MIND OFF YOURS, COULD I NOT WASH YOUR BACK?

BRAD: PLEASE STOP DOING THAT s**t, YOUR WOTH MORE THAN THAT LIFESTYLE I JUST WISH YOU COULD SEE YOURSELF THROUGH MY EYES!!!

BRAD: ADMITTING YOU LOOKED BEAUTIFULL THIS AFTERNOON THE ATTIRE ANOTHER STORY BUT HE PURITY ON YOUR FACE WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFULL THING I EVER SAW, HAVE YOU EVER LOOKED AR YOURSELF IN A MIRROR BEFORE YOU PUT ALL THAT CRAP ON?

ZENA: BLUSHING SHUT UP! A ONCE OFF FOR YOU STUD, WILL NOT BE CAUGHT OFF GUARD AGAIN, HEHEHEHE.

ZENA: A QUESTION? WHAT DID YOU MEAN WITH THE FACT THAT I AM TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE?

BRADLEY TOOK A SWHILE BEFORE HE ANSWERD.

WELL TO ANSWER YOU IN SHORT! ONE MOMENT I SEE THE MOST BEAUTIFULL ANGEL I HAVE EVER SEEN BUT IN A SPLIT SECOND SE TURNS INTO THE WORST DEMON I NEVER WANT TO SEE, I PREFFER THE FIRST ONE AND IT SUITES YOU MUCH BETTER.

ZENA: I AM SO SORRY WILL TRY TO NOT CONFUSE YOU AGAIN THE DEMON WILL BE OUT FROM NOW ON ALL THE TIME HEHEHEHE.

BRADLEY: OOOOO NNNNOOOO PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT TO ME BABY DON’T, ID RATHER GET TO KNOW THE ANGEL BETTER.

ZENA: HAHAHAHA, SLEEP WELL STUD, SEE YOU ON MONDAY AT SCHOOL.

BRADLEY ONLY MONDAY?

 NO RESPONSE FROM BABY MMMHHHHH!!!

PUTTING MY PHONE DOWN AND NOW I AM UP SHE LOOKED STUNNING TODAY, I HAVENT MET A GIRL AS GORGEOUSE AS SHE WAS, BUT SHE TRIES SO HARD TO PUSH PEOPLE AWAY HER WALLS ARE SO HIGH ITS GOING TO TAKE ME FOREVER TO BRAKE THEM DOWN. SHE HAS TRUE BEAUTY OUTSIDE AND I KNOW SOMEWHERE INSIDE HER BEAUTY MATCHES. A NEED TO PROTECT HER OVER COMES ME AGAIN WHY EVERYTIME I THINK OFF HER THIS HAPPENS, I NEED TO GET TO KNOW HER MORE AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY SHE IS THIS WAY. MY BODY GETTING EXITED THINKING ABOUT HER AAAAHHH I HISSSEEED AT MYSELF, I AM SURE THERE WILL BE SOME GIRL AT PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT THAT WILL BE VERY EAGER TO BE PLEASED, NOT KNOWING IF I WOULD WANT TO ID RATHER BE WITH ZENA, BUT SHE WILL NOT BE THERE AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT ME SO NO HARM DONE,,, AND I THINK f*****g SOME DUMB BLOND WILL TAKE MY MIND OFF ZENA FOR AWHILE.

I FELL ASLEEP IT’S THE FIRST IME IN FOREVER I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT WITHOUT A NIGHTMARE BUT GUESS WHAT BRADLEY WAS THERE, HAHAHAHAH I LAUGHED AT MYSELF AS I WOKE UP TO THE SON SHINNING ONTO MY BED.