No More Bruises

Chapter 4

I open the door of my house, my heart beating.

What am I going to find?

I always fear that when I open that door, it'll be more than just a few chairs fallen over and some broken dishes on the floor. The fear does not go away.

I slowly open the door, and I peer my eyes through the c***k. Inside, I see the TV going, my father passed out on the couch. I hear nothing else, which scares me.

Suddenly, the door opens, scaring me out of my skin. I stumble forward, my mom catches my arm.

"Honey, come on! Before he wakes up!" my mom whispers and is waving her hand, rushing me in. I have no idea what's going on, but I'm afraid.

"What? Mom, what?" she shushes me as we sit down at the table. Her hair is a mess, and there are desperate, dark bags underneath her eyes. Her blue dress has stains on it, and a rip on the arm.

"I found someone!" she looks so happy, and I'm so confused. Found someone for what? I can tell by her eyes, her blonde eyebrows nearly touching in the center of her face, that she can sense my confusion. I can't help but keep looking back at the rip in her shirt. That wasn't there yesterday.

"I found someone to take you in..." she's trying to fix my confusion, yet now I am even more confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I found a nice couple who's willing to take you in and keep you safe. To adopt you." I'm in utter shock. I feel that my mouth is open, and my brain is telling me to close it, but I can't. Her smile fades at the absence of my joy. I don't understand.

"Wait, what? Who? Why? Where? I--" she shushes me, reminding me that my father is only a few feet away. 

"I can't stand you being here with him. I've been looking for someone who can take you in, but this is a poor area, and a lot of people can't afford it. I found a couple who just moved here, and they're willing to take you in! They're very nice, they have a good sized house, and they don't drink. They've been wanting a kid, but haven't been able to have one. They live downstate, far enough away that you'll be safe."

"Mom! I don't understand. Are you coming too?" I knew that the answer was no, but I will not be able to live with myself if I know that I left her here with him. Without me for him to beat on...

"Honey..." she reaches out to comfort me, but I flinch. I don't know how to react. Her eyes are shining more than they ever have, and I can see that she's going to cry.

"Mom, I'm not going anywhere without you!"

"You have to. I can't let you stay here."

"But mom, he's--he'll..."

"I know, I know. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"You can't say that." Her silence proved to me that I'm right. If she's here alone with him, he'll kill her. 

After a while, she lets out a deep sigh. "You have to go, for me." she squeezes my hand one more time and gets up. She looks over at my father, he's still asleep. 

"Tomorrow," I whisper and she nods. I nod back, still in disbelief. I jump up and head out the door, running instead of driving. I run to the woods, not stopping until I reach the creek. 

I try to catch my breath, placing my hands on my head. I let a tear fall from my eye. What am I going to do?  What am I going to do?

I sit down and get out my notebook. All of a sudden, a twig snaps. I look up, searching for the person who made the sound. I see June come out from around a tree, and I turn my head away to wipe away the water in my eyes. Bad boys, strong boys don't cry. 

I sniffle on accident, which obviously blows the whole thing. She sits down next to me and looks into my eyes. 

"You didn't pick me up." I don't answer, and she's still staring at me. Her eyes darting back and forth, searching for an answer.

"You are crying."

"No I'm not. Men don't cry." But I'm not a man.

"Who ever gave you that idea?" she smiles and tries to reach up to touch the half-healed bruise above my eye. I flinch. "People say that you like to get into fights."

"Does that bother you."

"The fact that it's a lie does." Great, she's got me figured out. 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was almost expelled a couple days ago for getting in a fight with Ken Hope." I try to straighten my body, almost to seem proud.

"Oh, yeah? And who started it?"

I couldn't help but smile. She's so smart and I'm so stupid for thinking that she wouldn't figure it out. She reaches to touch the bruise again, and this time I only flinch a little at the pain. I let her touch each one of them, and I stare into her eyes. 

Her soft eyebrows are squinted and I can tell that the wounds are bothering her. I turn away and put my notebook away without warning, which surprises her.

I turn around and smile to try to calm her. I want to make her think that everything is okay. Nothing wrong with this guy! 

I grab her hand, which helps. She looks off at the creek, not saying anything. She sets her head on my shoulder, and I inhale out of shock. She trusts me so much. How do I tell her that I'm leaving? Maybe I don't have to...

"June?" She lifts her head to look at me. "How about you run away with me?" 

She doesn't say anything, which makes me really nervous. Finally, "I don't know, I mean. My family..."

"I get it if you can't."

"I want to Zach. I really do. I just...can't." I look off at the creek, trying to shield my tears. 

"We can't be together." She looks at me in disbelief, I can tell that she doesn't understand, but I've made up my mind. "What do you mean?" Her eyes look back and forth, looking so innocent. 

"You're a good girl, and I'm a bad boy. They don't mix. I can get you in trouble, really quick. You shouldn't be with me."

"You can't say that. You may not have always made the best choices, but you're a good person. You wouldn't do anything to get me in trouble. Zach--"

"I got Britney pregnant!" Her eyes opened wide with disbelief. I can tell that she trusted me too much, and would have never thought I could do something like that.

"Stop, you're just saying that."

"No, I really did. That's why she hates me so much. We had just started dating, we went to a party, got drunk, and things kind of kept going from there." She takes her hand out of mine.

"She's never said anything about it."

"She doesn't want others to know. We promised each other we wouldn't tell anybody. She lost the baby after two months. She's hated me ever since."

"Well I can see why." She turns away from me, crossing her arms. My hand is still sitting out open.

"So, that first day. When you told me that you knew some parties..."

"Yes, yes. I tried to take advantage of you, and I hate myself for it. But we don't belong together, and I shouldn't have let it get this far."

She is still looking at me with those wide eyes that are now filled with tears. She gets up silently, and runs off. I don't know what to say, but my chest hurts so bad. I feel like someone grabbed my heart, ripped it out of my body, and stepped on it with a thick hiking boot.

I can't believe what's all happened today. It all has gone so fast. I truly hate myself right now, and I'm wondering if what I just did was right. I just lied to her. I've never gotten a girl pregnant. I may be a bad boy, but I'm not that kind of boy. At least she's away, and she's safe from me. 

I'm surprised by the many tears that fall from my eyes. I let them fall this time though, knowing it's the last time that I'll ever see this place, and the last time I'll ever see June. 

I take a deep breath and stand up. Time to go home, for the last time. 

I walk through the woods, slower than usual. I wipe away the tears, but they just keep coming. I stumble on a rock and fall. I land on my hands, shooting pain rushing through my wrists and arms. I force myself back up, but within seconds, I stumble on a root.

This time, I don't even try to catch myself, and I land hard, hitting my face on the ground. Actually, something harder than dirt, a rock--again! I pick up the rock and throw it, cursing. 

I crawl over to a tree and lean up against it, wrapping my arms around my knees. I allow myself to weep for a few seconds. I look back at my life, traumatically remembering every time my father hit me, every time he insulted me, every time he drank...

Through the tears, I can see the event in front of me. I can see her coming through the trees, her wide eyes looking at me with such care and trust. Then I lie and break her heart. Just what I was afraid of me doing. 

But it was the right thing to do, right?

I saved her from getting in trouble because of me. I saved her from hearing what my home is like. I saved her from the heartbreak, like so many others, of knowing the story of my life. 

They'll be no father to pat me on the back and say "Well done boy." 

Nothing. There will never be a welcoming home or a welcoming family to meet the girl I call my own. 

But I lost her. I lost the one thing that made me have hope. She was my reason for living, the thing that I no longer have and it's my fault.

It's my fault that she'll never hold my hand again. It's my fault that I let my father's hand influence my decisions and my life.

I wipe away the tears and tell myself to man up. I get up off of the ground and sniffle. Checking the ground to make sure there's nothing to trip on, I take my first step.

And another step and another, until I'm standing in front of my front door. Knowing that today is the last day that I'll be with my mother is anything but satisfying.

Suddenly, a thud comes from inside the house. There's no hesitation as I burst through the door to find my mother on the ground and him above her.

His body is like a bear next to a house cat when compared to my mother. He's so large, and his eyes are fiery. His large hands are curled up in fists and his hair is like a mop on his head.

He looks at me, wiping the drool from his chin. My mom begins to push herself up, looking at me with tired eyes, revealing how weak she's become.

"What's wrong boy? Got something to say?" He looks at me fiercely, and I want to run at him and avenge my mother, but how can I? He's so much bigger than me. That hasn't stopped me any other time, but those were different situations, with different people.

"Well, boy?" I'm still looking at my mother, she shakes her head, telling me not to get involved. I've never really been a good listener.

I run at him, head down, shoulders out. I slam into his gut, surprising him as we both move towards the wall. I manage to take him all the way; he grunts as the wall and his body meet.

He moves forward, and I slam him back again.

I move back and try to go at him again, but he gets me first. He uppercuts me in the gut, which does not feel good at all. I punch him in the face, but he acts like nothing happened.

I try to punch him again, making the mistake of stepping first. He kicks the back of my leg, sending me to the ground. All the air that was in my lungs leaves me. I'm gasping for air, little balls of light all along the edges of my peripheral vision.

I see his face above me, reminding me of a dragon. The red and orange in his eyes and the smoke leaving his nose and mouth are all too real. A dragon. He draws his arm back and punches me in the nose, his fire shooting through my face, my blood so dark it might as well be ashes. 

The balls of light start to get bigger, blurring everything around me. Then, everything goes black. 

June, I wish you were here...