I Was Never Yours

Awake

"What brings you all the way here, Cyran?" Vaeldric looked uneasy at the sight of Cyran and his formal robes. Of course, he understood this was no ordinary visit.

"I merely came on behalf of the Crown Prince and the Kingdom to offer my condolences for your loss, Lord and Lady Ashborne."

"Please convey my gratitude and tell His Highness there is no need to concern himself with this matter, Cyran. Now, if you've delivered everything you came to say, you should return. My wife needs more rest if she is to recover," Vaeldric said, his gaze turning sharp.

"Oh, come on, Vaeldric. Let Cyran stay for a while. His presence is rather comforting. It makes me feel as though there is still someone who cares about me. That's a feeling I haven't had in a very long time. Haven't I spent all these years keeping myself confined at home to preserve your noble honor and reputation? In my current condition, perhaps you should allow me a moment to feel connected to the outside world again, if you truly wish for me to recover." I spoke coldly without looking at him.

"And forgive this little unpleasant scene, Lord Ardent. Please keep it from the Crown Prince and the Kingdom." I smiled at Cyran.

A faint smile appeared on his face. He understood the sarcasm behind my words.

"Very well. If that is what you need, my lady. Anything for your comfort," Vaeldric replied, inclining his head slightly.

"Ah, and I would be even more comfortable if you left us alone, my dear husband. Brita is still here, after all. Please, step outside for a while. It seems to me that you could use some fresh air after such an eventful night. You must be exhausted from spending the entire night watching over your beloved wife without any rest."

A mocking smile tugged at my lips as I finally looked at him. Vaeldric seemed genuinely surprised. Perhaps it had never crossed his mind that his graceful wife could be so sarcastic.

Oh, come on. What exactly had he expected after all this betrayal and loss? The things that had finally made me realize that the only person I had ever truly had was myself.

Even after our marriage, Vaeldric spent more time on his duty than he ever spent with me. I had simply been blind enough to believe it was all dedication to his work.

Perhaps he had already grown tired of me long ago. Perhaps I was simply foolish enough never to notice.

"Take care of yourself, my lady" Vaeldric said as he headed toward the door.

"Of course. Otherwise, I wouldn't still be alive."

Cyran remained silent until the door closed behind Vaeldric.

Yet he didn't seem confused in the slightest. His ability to adapt to the absurdity of any situation had always been remarkable.

"Does this seem terribly improper to you, Cyran?" I asked.

He chuckled.

"You probably should have asked yourself that before putting on such a performance, Seraphina. But for those who know you, this is actually rather reassuring."

His smile softened.

"You've become yourself again. Congratulations."

There was a sincerity in his voice that was impossible to miss.

Somehow, seeing Cyran again after all these years made me feel accepted exactly as I was, without needing to wear a mask.

I was grateful that he hadn't changed. Still the same Cyran. Calm. Understanding. Accepting every absurd side of me without judgment.

"Yes," I murmured. "Though I paid dearly for it. I lost my baby."

This time, I broke. The tears came before I could stop them.

Since everything happened last night, this was the first time I had truly cried. Too many emotions had been trapped inside me, too tangled to put into words.

And in front of Cyran, everything spilled out at once. Unrestrained.

Cyran looked as though he wanted to comfort me, but stopped himself. Instead, he simply let me cry. His hand rested gently on my shoulder.

"You did everything you could, Sera," he said quietly.

"You always do."

For a moment, it looked as though he wanted to wipe away my tears, but he thought better of it. Instead, he slowly stepped back toward the window.

"Let it all out, Sera. Better to let it out now than keep it bottled up until it destroys you. It'll be easier to stand again afterward. Cry as much as you need to, with or without me here. I'm afraid my presence might make you uncomfortable."

He turned his gaze toward the window, as though giving me permission to cry harder. My hand drifted to my stomach, still slightly swollen even though the child within it was gone.

I'm sorry, my baby. Mom couldn't protect you. I couldn't bring you safely into this world.

Suddenly, the pain that I had barely noticed before began to spread through my body. Every joint ached. So did the incision from my Caesarean.

Perhaps my body had grown tired of carrying everything. Just like I had.

"Thank you, Cyran. It feels as though you understand what I need right now better than anyone else."

I turned toward Brita.

"Please escort Lord Ardent out. Then give me one hour alone before coming back. And make sure no one enters this room. Including my husband."

"But, my lady..."

"Trust Lady Ashborne, Brita," Cyran said gently. "I'm certain she needs time to collect herself."

Then he looked back at me.

"And don't do anything foolish, Sera. You're stronger than this. If you need anything, you know how to reach me."

With that, he left. Brita reluctantly followed him, her expression filled with concern.

For a moment, I felt relieved to finally be alone. At last, I could breathe without pretending to be strong.

There was an anger sitting heavily in my chest. Why had everything happened so quickly?

In a single night, everything I had spent years protecting had collapsed.

Not only my marriage. I couldn't even protect my child. I wanted to see my baby one last time. Yet even something that simple was beyond my reach.

I still wasn't allowed out of bed. My condition hadn't improved enough. Perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps I would still have a chance tomorrow.

I only needed to recover. My baby would be even sadder if he saw me like this.

I repeated those words to myself over and over. Then I cried until there were no tears left.

Suddenly, the door flew open. I flinched, nearly shouting.

"Didn't I ask you to make sure no one came in for the next hour, Brita?"

"Seraphina, calm down." The familiar voice immediately eased my panic. My parents hurried into the room.

My mother wrapped me in a warm embrace, and I felt myself relax for the first time all day.

"Whatever fails to kill you will make you more resilient, Seraphina," my father said, his eyes fixed firmly on mine. "You can get through this. Tell me what you need, and I'll take care of it."

Agreed. Crying and mourning would not make me feel any better. What I needed now was the strength to stand again. And make those people answer for what I had lost.

"Dad, could you bring our family lawyer here immediately? Without Vaeldric knowing." My voice was calm now. Far calmer than before.

"And please make sure he stays out of my sight until tonight."

My parents exchanged a worried glance. The change in me had happened too quickly.

"What are you planning to do, dear?" my mother asked quietly, wringing her fingers together.

Perhaps she feared her eldest daughter was about to do something reckless.

I looked up at her.

"Revenge."