Bratva-Ivan

Family

Olivia

I woke up with my usual fatigue. It had been two weeks since I was home, at Ivan's. I had been sleeping in my own room. It ki*led me because I wanted nothing more than to be in Ivan's arms, but I felt tainted. Dirty. Used.

Until I knew that fu*k hadn't given me any kind of disease, I couldn't bare the thought of tainting him. And the thought that I could be pregnant made it even worse.

I didn't have any symptoms, but days and days of ra*e unprotected didn't give me a ton of hope. Obviously, I couldn't take my birth control during that time. I just hoped I got lucky. There was no way I could grow that life in me.

So I spent most of my time in my room alone. Eating my meals here, looking out the windows over the endless garden. It was so beautiful, and I didn't think I deserved it. I guess this is what depression feels like.

Not that I haven't been depressed before. My life wasn't easy. But this was different. Like a piece of myself had been stolen, and I didn't think I'd get it back. Yelena had visited me often with Valentina. And their smiling faces did help. But I still felt too tainted to touch them. And Valentina was starting to feel it. That, destroyed me.

I knew it wasn't my fault but the memories of his hands on me haunted me. I fought back but it wasn't enough.

So I decided to start seeking out therapy online. My first session was awkward. Trying to explain my history was not easy. All she knew was that I came from a hard family in Mexico, which she could read between the lines if I'm being honest. Then my relationship with Ivan came up. And that came with a whole new flood of emotions. I wanted him. Mentally, emotionally and physically. But I didn't think I was worthy of it.

So I'd do whatever I had to feel worthy of it. It wasn't easy to ignore the longing looks Ivan gave me whenever he brought me food. He'd sit quietly watching me. Eyes never leaving me. Silent. And I loved him for that. He never pushed. Never stepped over a line. Just patience and love. My amazing, patient man.

I'd make it up to him one day. If he would wait for me. If he would keep loving me.

Clown

Losing organs and almost dy*ng really takes it out of a guy. But luckily for me, I had the most banging club girl taking care of me.

Peaches was sweet. Too sweet. Too sweet to be a club girl. And her name didn't miss. Her a*s was to die for. If I wasn't still in this much pain, I would bend her over all the furniture at my house. I had time. And do not get me wrong. No brother was touching her. I made that clear when she accompanied me back home to help out that she was off limits. She was confused by this, but it didn't matter. She will understand one day.

"I need to go with Hatchet to see Oli. You can go back to the MC or stay here. Or come with me to see her."

A look flashed across her eyes but was gone just as quickly. Jealousy? Over Oli?

Don't get me wrong, Oli was gorgeous. I loved her. She was a huge part of my world. But in an entirely family-oriented way. The attraction I had for her had died long ago. The only feelings I had were purely brotherly. I'd d*e for her. I almost did. And she almost did for me.

"Um, can I go? I'd like to get to know her. Make sure she's OK. She did help you so much. I'd like to thank her."

My sweet peaches. Of course, she did. She had a troubled past I wasn't sure of, some insecurities, but I'd break those down.

"Alright, let's head out." We grabbed our stuff and made our way to Ivan's with Hatchet.

I knew Ivan was going to be high strung, but boy did I underestimate it. His mansion grounds were crawling with men. Armed to the tee. Snipers on the roofs hid well. He trusted me, but he wasn't taking any chances, so we got the full pat down. I wasn't even mad. If it made Oli safe, I was not going to be offended.

When we were finally allowed to enter, Ivan was standing in the main entrance. Looking like the Pakhan he was. Head held high. G*ns on both sides of his holsters. Jaw clenched tight and eyes hard. He looked tired though. I recognizee it immediately. I can't imagine what he was going through.

"Hey man, how are you?" I stuck my hand out for a handshake and, much to my surprise, he grabbed it and pulled me in for a hug. Slapping my back. I immediately returned the gesture.

"I'm alright. Her not so much. She'll be happy to see you guys."

We followed him up to her room. I hadn't seen her since we got home. Not for a lack of trying. She just didn't want much company. And I didn't want to push her. None of us did. I knew Hatchet was crawling out of his skin to see her. I had never seen that fu*ker have more restraint, ever. He had been a moping as*hole for weeks. Hopefully seeing her would ease his mind a bit.

Olivia

I was slightly overwhelmed with the thought of all the important men in my life coming over. Not that I didn't miss them, I just knew how I looked.

Lost. Frail. Weak.

As soon as the door opened, though, all thoughts of that left my head.

They all slowly walked in. I made eye contact with each of them, nodding. And then I saw her. Peaches. My heart galloped. Holy sh*t finally. Finally, that i***t Clown had made a move.

Hatchet was the first to approach me. His hand ghosting in the air between us, clearly wanting to stroke my cheek. As much as I was against human contact, I didn't flinch. He was my Hatchet. My dad.

"Hey Oli. Not gonna lie girl, you look thin. Missing my Bolognese peppers?" He smiled.

Yes. Yes I did. His cooking was elite. And my stomach growled in excitement. Protesting the peanut butter sandwiches I had insisted on these past few weeks.

"You have no idea. I've had enough disgusting hospital food for one lifetime. And it turns out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches three times a day for weeks now just doesn't hit the spot."

"She has spoken. Get to work prez." Not Clown back talking to his superior. The smile I bit back practically hurt. Any other situation and Hatchet would have given him a be*ting.

"Ya ya, Ivan can I borrow your kitchen? And a delivery driver or two?"

"You got it, man. Boris will take care of you."

Hatchet leaned in and kissed my cheek. Winking. I was actually d*ing for his food.

"Hey peaches, good to see you. Hope you're well." Her eyes widened. Not sure why, I was hopeful Clown would finally make a move. Clearly he cared more about this girl than he led on. Outside the bedroom.

"Hey Olivia. Good to see you too. Hope you're healing well. I wanted to thank you for what you did for Clown. Gosh, you're so brave."

Somehow that meant a lot to me. I didn't feel brave. Hearing it felt good. Even from someone I barely knew.

"My princess is very brave. She has no idea how brave."

I blushed. Jeeze was I that striving for compliments?

"Alright guys. Let's head down and get Oli fed."

Everyone left except for me and Ivan. I could feel him staring at me. I turned my head and our eyes locked. Something in me broke. Suddenly I wanted him to hold me. Like seeing the men in my life gave me some kind of new-found confidence.

"Come here princess." And I did. My feet moved before my brain processed it. He cupped my face and kissed me gently. For the first time since I got home, I didn't flinch. I just melted.

Finally. I didn't feel cold. Detached. I gripped his shirt and kissed him harder. And I felt relief. Love. Appreciation. I almost lost all of this. The love of my life. The Bratva and MC. All of the people that made my life worth living.

So I was going to make it my mission. Miguel didn't destroy me, he made me realize what I had. A family. A real family. And a man that would do anything for me. And had.

Love. Real love.