Her Alpha's Greatest Secret

Chapter 9- Inhibition (TW: SA)

“You’re seriously not going to tell me anything?” Fritz groaned, appalled by my lack of response to his interrogations. He wasted no time launching into grilling me seconds after Bowen let me in the apartment.

“It’s just complicated right now,” I elude frowning at how I mirrored Evander’s bullshit words from our last meeting. Although. It didn’t feel like our last meeting since I saw him in my dream last night. But that was just a dream, I thought examining one of my too-short nails I had cut after finding them shredded this morning.

Fritz was giving me a stony look and I bit back a giggle at his chagrin. “I met my mate, but we haven’t… we aren’t seeing each other or anything.” A blush burned my face- it felt like I was admitting my inadequacy.

Fritz looked appalled, “Did they reject you?” he gasped.

“NO!” I shout quickly shuddering at the thought. “No, of course he didn’t. That’s why I said it’s complicated. Can we leave it for now?” I begged, helping myself to the bottle of vodka on the kitchen counter drawing hard right from the bottle. It felt like drinking bleach, but I needed to purge these dark thoughts. That’s why I was here, after all.

“HE,” he grinned, “At least I have one clue.” I scowled around the lip of the bottle.

A knock ended the conversation and Bowen opened the door to Ariel in a black miniskirt with a blood red tank top. Her raven hair was styled in casual disarray and her eye liner brought attention to her doe eyes. She was a pretty woman, but I didn’t have any attraction to her anymore. I didn’t think I would ever notice anyone ever again, but I was going to try. I took another drink wincing as it threatened at the back of my throat.

“Starting the night, I see,” Ariel grinned, crossing to me confidently and sliding an arm around my waist. She took the bottle from my hand and took a pull not flinching from the burn.

“I thought we were supposed to be the party animal college kids!” Bowen complained, taking the bottle himself.

“Speaking of, I was promised a party,” I snap back, taking back the bottle and relishing the burn’s promise of lowered inhibitions and possible oblivion that I hungered for; the release from anxiety and analysis- the leap, the plunge, the free-fall.

The promised party was in the next-door apartment building- an entire floor of open doors- flashing lights, pumping music, and bodies crammed into every space as impromptu dance floors opened in the corridors and opened living spaces. The air was sweltering with the humid heat of hundreds of sweaty swaying bodies.

Ariel threaded her fingers though mine to avoid getting separated in the crowd as I followed Fritz and Bowen to one of their friend’s open doors. I pulled my hand free from hers with a half-smile dreading the hurt that flashed behind her eyes. I needed to set boundaries again. I shouldn’t have even asked her to come and from the judgement I felt off her I know she was thinking the same.

“Bow! Fritzy!” a curvy ginger in a tight silver dress called out waving as we wandered into her living space. A large table was set up with cups and people played beer pong while a couple made out in the corner. I was beginning to feel the effects of my pre-gaming and I leaned into the dizzy bubbliness pushing everything else away.

The ginger, who introduced herself as Trixie ushered us to the kitchen where we took large cups of colorful mystery punch. I drank deep tasting flavored vodka, lemonade, and other things- maybe rum and pineapple? It didn’t matter, it was sweet and strong, and I drank three cupful’s as we wandered the party moving to the music and mingling with the college kids and their friends. The very air tasted sickly sweet of sweat, alcohol, and energy. Ariel didn’t stay by my side long, sensing how closed off I was to her. I spotted her later sweeping her tongue deep into the mouth of a blonde college girl and I didn’t feel the slightest trip of envy.

I danced with Fritz and Bowen- the slick bodies of strangers brushed against me shamelessly and I relished every part of it. I hadn’t partied much in college, but I wish I had in this moment when I remembered the mindless abandon of it all. The colorful lights surged around me like a physical force pushing me to move while the music stole control of my heartbeat and I surged with it letting it command my hips as I circled them against a tall stranger.

MORE. I went back for more punch so I could keep riding this wave, but I needed some air. I slipped out onto Trixie’s balcony where two guys were smoking. The crisp night air chilled the sweat on my body instantly cooling me down. I leaned against the railing on the opposite corner from them taking some deep breaths and a drink I didn’t taste. One of the men was appraising me- he was handsome, and he had the same golden hair as Evander. Dammit, there he was back in my head no matter how drunk I was. The anger made me bold, so I approached the blonde, who turned to face me inviting the approach. I reached over and snatched the cigarette from between his fingers and took a long draw which I blew over his face as I examined him with dark eyes. His eyes were blue, and he was handsome but for a large slightly crooked nose. His eyes widened as they trailed my body. I offered him the cigarette back which he took and flicked to the side. Coming somewhat to my senses I turned on my heel and went back to the party. He followed and as I resumed dancing with my drink, he danced with me. I let him hold my hips as he swayed against me, but when I felt his hard bulge brushing against me, I eased away from his grasp. He turned me to face him and mirroring my earlier move he swiped the cup from my hand and took a long drink draining the cup. I glared at him in annoyance, and he laughed producing a flask from his pocket and topping off my cup offering it back as a peace offering. I grinned and threw it back and then continued to dance with him feeling emboldened again.

It was late and I was scanning the crowd for my companions when I started feeling really dizzy. s**t, I overdid it BAD. I extracted myself from the blonde and pushed out of the crowd- I needed to get back to the apartment. I would just text the others I had left, but by the time I reached the door my legs started feeling like lead and everything slowed down. The sound of my breathing in my ears was suddenly louder than the shouting music and the laughs of partiers. I stumbled over my sluggish feet. This is wrong, I thought distantly, but I couldn’t form a coherent thought.

I was walking with someone who was half supporting me, I barely registered when the ceiling tile gave way to the starlit sky. Who is this? The arms around me were warm and strong, but not comforting and he smelled of booze and cigarettes- the blonde, I realized. I wanted to ask him where he was taking me and tell him I needed to go back to my brother, but I must have left my mouth behind, because my lips were nowhere to be found. Panic began to boil in me as I realized the helplessness of my position. I stumbled along- halfway between waking and dreaming, in a nightmare.