Her Alpha's Greatest Secret

Chapter 6- Distraction

I didn’t stop to think, I ducked out of his arms and ran- I slid out the little door and tore down the hallway. The housekeeper and a couple other wolves mingling in the common areas of the house stared in shock as I bolted down the hallway and out the door. My car wasn’t fast enough- I launched toward a nearby tree- kicking off my boots as I went- I threw my dress over my head and ripped my other close out of the way as my body began to tremble- blurring around the edges- with a rip of pain I was my wolf.

I took off on all fours cutting my paws on the sharp frozen ground. I barreled forward blinded by hurt as the ecstasy of the kiss warred with the reality- he didn’t want me. My mate didn’t want me. This was a new level of betrayal- one that tears you to shreds down to your very soul with a single breath.

I pumped my legs as fast as I could trying to burn off the emotion. I didn’t want to be human right now- I couldn’t be. I didn’t want to be anything. Peripherally I was furious with myself for allowing myself to be so ruled by someone else’s feelings. I always thought I was independent and here I was being shattered like glass with a look. I heard pursuit and lengthened my stride. He was chasing me- I knew it in my heart, but I didn’t want to face him. I didn’t want to feel his rejection or, worse yet, here him speak the words that would sever our sacred mate bond.

The short woods ended at a cliff’s edge and I had to dig my claws in to avoid launching right off the mountain, I banked to the side and took off along the ridge. He was gaining on me- I felt the vibration of his paws zipping through the bedrock into my own. My stomach quivered.

Emilia, wait!

I skidded to a stop shards of rock biting into my paws- coming up short at the sound of his voice in my head. I couldn’t outrun this. I turned wearily.

His wolf was snow white and glorious- with a start I realized he looked exactly like the massive golden eyed wolf from my dream.

Just get it over with and reject me already, I thought toward him defiantly.

He skipped back a step flinching at my words. I don’t want to reject you, he thought, and I felt a well of sadness echoing behind the words. I noticed he didn’t say he wasn’t going to do it, just that he didn’t want to.

I don’t understand, I thought- my composure quickly melting away, you’ve been pushing me away almost every moment since you pulled me from that river and then you kissed me and I thought you might want me, but I saw it in your eyes, fate has chosen me for you, but you won’t choose me for yourself.

He started pacing- his snowy pelt radiant in the sun’s light. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. That was the opposite of my intentions- please believe I have nothing against having you for a mate, it’s just a difficult situation.

I wanted to deny that he had hurt my feelings, but we were past that, that’s ridiculous! You either want me or you don’t. What could be so complicated that you would reject your mate? I know you’re the all-important Alpha and I’m just a nothing from the valley-

Never think that, not for a moment, he growled in my mind startling me as he stopped pacing and locked me in his gaze. You could never be a nothing.

You aren’t making any sense! I argued.

It’s just… I can’t give you what you want, he admitted in my mind.

How do you know what I want? I haven’t asked you for anything yet, I fired back.

But you will, one day, and I won’t be able to give it to you.

You are just making excuses and I don’t care to hear them. I returned your jacket, mission accomplished, and you made your feelings abundantly clear. I took off back though the woods eager to get off this gods forsaken mountain before he could tear me apart any further.

His howl pierced the air and cut into me like it was my own pain, but I didn’t slow at the sound. I phased when I neared my tree and got dressed frantically. I ran to my car and slid in starting it in the same motion. I drove down the mountain in profound silence, somehow unable to move to turn the radio back on, his words and howl bouncing around my head. I felt like all the fight had been sucked out of me and I was hollow and fragile- an eggshell or brittle shale between strong fingers- dust with the slightest pressure. I let the traitor tears escape and run their course.

By the time I arrived back in front of my parent’s little house I had fortified my heart. I was not going to follow him around and beg him to love me. Before I could rethink it, I texted Lilia and asked if she had Ariel’s number. If I could not have the love of a mate, I could at least have some fun.

It turns out she did have her number and I wasted no time in making plans to see her. She was an attractive distraction even if she broke my heart all those years ago. The many layers of sharply chopped raven black hair grazed her bare shoulder blades. Her skin was pearly in sharp contrast to her midnight blue minidress she dressed down with sneakers. She looked almost the same as when we had parted ways, but her features were more angular- no longer softened by lingering childish roundness. Her green eyes locked onto me framed by her thick lashes and smoky eyeshadow and her thin dark lips curled up when I approached her where she waited by the door to the Icy Claw Bar. I felt a thrill that had less to do with seeing her again and everything to do with this feeling of rebellion. I felt like I was a teenager sneaking out of the house for a forbidden midnight rendezvous.

I leaned into the quiver of salacious excitement as I confidently crossed the crisp refrozen snow, my hands in the pockets of the ochre cardigan I wore over the black jeans and top.

“Hey,” I said casually when I came to stop in front of her. She flicked the butt of the cigarette I hadn’t noticed snagged between her fingers and grinned at me shyly.

“I’m really glad you decided to come out with me, E” she smiled calling me her old nickname for me and taking a final drag and dropping the stub of cigarette which she crushed with the toe of her sneaker.

“Absolutely! I thought it could be fun to catch up. It’s been a while since I’ve been in town, and I need to reconnect with old friends.” I said quirking a grin at her.

She smiled crinkling her nose at me, not missing the way I was setting boundaries from the outset. “I didn’t think you’d ever come back up this way, you were always so set on being in the south.”

I shrugged, “Family stuff. Still smoking I see?”

“Just when I drink,” she scowled at me.

I laughed, “No judgement. Speaking of drinking…”

“Yes please,” she agreed, surprising me when she snagged my hand to pull me toward the door. Her touch brought a swirl of memories of similar touches from the past, many good, but some devastating and I briefly considered if I was making a mistake, but then I decided I didn’t care.