To Capture A Ring

Invisible

I was just lying there, staring at my ceiling, allowing time to pass, seemingly lost in thought as always but still completely aware of every little sound around me. The washing machine spinning away downstairs, my younger siblings yelling and laughing. Every day I seemed to be waking up with a pure hatred for this world. My luck was simply horrible, but I still love my family, and who I am, no one can take that away from me. Things always seemed to get worse when you think they couldn’t. I used to always think there would never be an upside. It was rare that I saw him. He didn’t come around often. He was my older sister’s boyfriend’s best friend. He would come and go with ease, but for me things were much harder. It seemed as though he didn’t carry a lot of weight or baggage on his shoulders. He seemed to give me hope. Although we never spoke more than a few sentences to each other, he seemed to keep me wishing and waiting, but it didn’t matter how much hope I had, it was simple, I was probably not his type, and he was off limits. Why? Because he is way out of my league. Every single time I saw him, he walked around happy, carefree, and unknowing. I continued to hide my feelings, burying them deep inside of me. Locking them up and throwing away the key. It was easier, it was the coward’s way out, but it wouldn’t complicate things. I would have to settle for being just a friend, because if he ever knew how I truly felt, he’d leave just like everyone else did. Everyone leaves me in the end.

This morning when I woke up after lying in bed for a while, I rolled out from underneath the covers. I felt something different today, still unsure of what it was, I continued on with my normal routine. I walked over to my closet, getting my clothes for the day. Suddenly energetic, I changed into them quickly, ran to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and pulled a brush through my blonde hair before tossing it up into a quick bun, and securing it with a hair tie. I glanced into the mirror and saw my reflection, my freckles were very noticeable today, one of my favorite features of myself. I had a genuine smile upon my face for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt happy, I felt as if I could have a chance, and I knew today was going to be a good day. I’m well overdue for something to go in my favor for once. I quickly finished up in the bathroom, and headed downstairs to greet my mother before leaving for the day. “Hi mom, I’m going out for the day with Mariah.” She looked up from the sink, where she was washing today’s dishes from breakfast, just to see who came into the room. Coming from a large family, there were a lot of dishes. There are 4 of us in total. 3 girls, 1 boy, and I happen to be the 2nd oldest out of the bunch. Being a part of a larger family, that meant one thing; invisibility. Sometimes it felt like a blessing, and others a curse. “Ok, try not to stay out too late.” she said, without another look towards me. Invisibility at its finest. I walked out the back door of the house, the screen door unintentionally slamming shut behind me. I continued to walk, down the steps, down the driveway and to the road to continue my journey. Nothing too exciting happens in this little town, which I’m thankful for. I can’t wait for the day I am able to leave this place and never look back.

Hours passed by relatively quickly, almost in a blur, I was ready for today. Something about me felt different, I just couldn’t place my finger on what. After walking for about 15 minutes I finally arrived at Mariah’s house. I skipped down her driveway, up her porch steps, and pushed open her back door, entering her house. “I’m home!” I yelled. “Mariah is in her room.” Lena, her mother told me, as I nearly collided with her short frame. A smile appeared on her face. I walked further into her house, closing the door behind me, passing her mother. “Hello” I said politely, as I carried on, with all 3 of the small dogs running around at my feet. I continued on, running up the stairs. I found Mariah in her room, lying on her bed browsing f*******: on her laptop. I jumped onto her bed, landing beside her. “Whatchya doin” I said with a smile, being my goofy self. I fool everyone with this fake smile of mine. It’s almost as if I believe I’m truly happy myself. I used to be happy, but then my grandmother Rose died, and my whole life changed, everything got flipped upside down, and the family wasn’t whole anymore. Mariah’s family accepted me as one of their own. We’re like sisters rather than best friends. Two halves of a whole i***t.

Mariah's voice pulled me from my thoughts “I’ve been waiting hours for you to get here, let’s go walk downtown and find something to do.” I rolled my eyes as she closed her laptop and got up out of bed tossing her hair into a bun, similar to mine. “We do that every day.” I said laughing at her. She shrugged her shoulders and walked out her bedroom door with me close behind.

We walked through her house, stopping in the kitchen, for us to both grab a water bottle each. “We’re going out walking, byeeeeeee!” she yelled as she slammed the door shut behind us. We walked the sidewalk, going further downtown, we live in a place where you know almost everyone by name. We seemed to be in our own little world as we spoke with each other. If you didn’t know us, you’d think we had a lot to catch up on, but in all reality, it was only about 10 hours since we actually saw each other last.

“Steve has been f*******: messaging anyone I seem to talk to lately trying to be their best friend, it’s annoying. Little brothers are annoying.” she groaned, causing me to giggle. “Try having younger sisters that steal your clothes all the time to try and look cool and older. At least Courtney doesn’t fit in yours like my Mikayla does in mi-” I stopped mid-sentence, my breath catching in my throat, my heart pounding in my chest, my hands shaking, there he is! Confused by the way I was acting, she looked around and gave me a knowing look. She is the ONLY one who knows my secret. We continued to walk closer, they were coming straight towards us. He was with a guy I’ve seen often, but never personally met. “Hey I know you.” he said “Brianna’s sister, right?” I smiled, internally screaming, all because he was speaking to me. “Ah, yes. Its Tatiana” Mariah nudged me in the side. I gave her a dirty look “and this is Mariah” I said, rolling my eyes. “Hi, I’m Jordan, where yas headed?” he questioned. “Um, just walking around, like usual” Mariah responded to him casually. “Cool, can Fred and I come too?” he looked at both Mariah and I for an answer. I nodded my approval, and started walking down the street and to the park next to the river, where we often went, Mariah, Fred, and Jordan trailing behind.

We walked down the steps next to the metal bridge. Fred was talking Mariah’s ear off, Jordan occasionally adding input. I didn’t pay attention. The only time I cared to actually tune in was when he spoke, otherwise I was deep in thought. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, we saw a group of people. I quickly glanced at everyone, Mariah quickly running from Fred to join everyone else we know. I walked over, with Jordan and Fred following and I sat down, close to the group but away from everyone. I lost myself at once, already deep in my thoughts again. I noticed a shadow standing over me and then disappeared, and a figure sat down next to me. “You’re quieter than usual, at home you’re normally loud and annoying.” Jordan said. I looked at him, with sad eyes, because that hurt coming from him. “I mean it in a good way” he said, reassuring me. I gave a weak smile, stood up and walked away.

I walked down the sidewalk, and just headed up the trail, Mariah would know where to find me. I felt the tears coming before they actually appeared, but I didn’t even bother to fight it, I just let sadness take over for a moment, and continued my walk, to shake it off.

I heard footsteps running towards me. For a moment, I thought it was Mariah already. Typically, she leaves me alone for a while, then finds me. I turned around, and my eyes went wide, it was him. My mouth opened in shock, and he looked at me, concern showing in his eyes. He ran a hand through his brown hair, knowing he had caught me at a bad time. Without a word, he hugged me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I hugged him back, I never thought this would ever happen. “It’s ok, I’m just sensitive sometimes.” He pulled away from the hug and I smiled at him “Thank you for coming to apologize, although it was really unnecessary.” I quickly looked away from him, and looked down at me feet instead, unsure of what to do next. He was smiling at me again. Oh my, he is so handsome. I love it when he smiles. Tall and handsome, other than that, he is a complete mystery to me, always keeping me guessing. “Well, I’ll talk to you later, I gotta go get my car and pick up my girlfriend.” Just like that, I felt my heart being torn out of my chest and stomped on. Just when I thought I was beginning to have any kind of luck at all, it gets stripped away from me. “Okay see ya later.” I said, turning to continue my walk, and felt strong arms hug me from behind, I could smell his cologne, I could feel his breath on my neck. I glanced at him questioning, but he just smirked and walked away from me, leaving me confused. I went over to a nearby tree stump to level my head, and watched him walk away. Never did he look back, and as disappointed as I was, I knew it was for the best if he did not see what he did to me. Most people use feelings like mine to their advantage. Most of the time, it is a weakness. Only when they feel the same is it a good thing, but for now, it is best.

I feel so stupid. I should have known he had a girlfriend! It may be best if I just go back to avoiding him. I know how I would feel if I were in his girlfriend’s shoes and I had someone creeping around on my boyfriend. I feel like a weirdo and a creep. Time to lock my feelings up for good. Be a big girl and move on with myself. Forget about him. Give up hope of ever being friends until I can be more careful and guard my heart.