Finding herself

Chapter 17: Losing my mind

Maya and I walked to the pack house, talking about all that we found through our weekend trip and our speculations about what else we would find when we go through the books more carefully.

We stopped at the cafe and got two coffees to go.

As Maya was ordering hers I caught a whiff of sandalwood and citrus, mixed with mint. I didn't even have to turn around to see who walked in.

Maya turned towards me when she paid, smiling. Then she looked behind me and her expression changed immediately.

She stopped smiling, looked at me, and slightly raised her eyebrow as if to ask me if I knew who it was. I pursed my lips to show her I knew.

The air got hotter the longer we waited and when the coffees were finally done, we picked them up and bolted towards the door.

I felt Sebastian grab me by the arm to stop me and I let him, just for the sake of it.

"Hey Anya, can we talk? I want to apologize for everything." I looked him in the eyes and saw he was telling the truth. I didn't care, I pulled my arm out of his hold and walked out.

I didn't even look at his mate as I didn't care what she looked like. I could smell the b***h from a mile away, I don't need to know what she looks like.

Maya was first out the door and I was just behind her, we were almost running. When we didn't hear footsteps behind us we slowed our pace back to normal.

The coffee tasted amazing, even if it was burning my mouth. I simply couldn't resist the deliciousness.

We reached the pack house and walked into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat.

Lydia was in the middle of making lunch and Jeremy was sitting at the table, talking to her. I loved the family feeling I felt off of them. It was obvious they had known each other for a long time, maybe even since birth.

When we walked in, they were talking about the best way to prepare a meatloaf. Apparently, there will be a contest tomorrow night to settle it once and for all, and I couldn't help but laugh at the most mundane reason for a contest. In the wolf packs house, nonetheless.

Maya and I made some sandwiches and went into Jeremy's office to check the books we brought from The Full Moon pack land again. Maybe we missed something important and it's essential to be thorough. We didn't have time to check about what my powers are, as we had to get ready for the party, but we agreed to do it sooner rather than later.

My powers showed themselves to be dangerous and I had to make sure no one will ever get hurt unintentionally by them again. Also, we don't even know how much they could expand or if I can do anything else. It would be nice to have more powers, I'm just not sure which ones would be best, yet.

When we didn't find anything in the books that we missed, it was already 7 o'clock and we had to get ready.

Because of the whole ordeal with He-who-must-not-be-named, I am reluctant to attend any kind of party or engage in any kind of contact with any guy. But because my friend asked me to go with her, of course, I said yes, even though I really didn't want to. I just wanted to get to the gym, go running or binge-watch a show for the whole night.

I even thought of excuses I could give Maya to get out of this night. If I would fake being sick, surely she would let me off the hook. Or to say the boss called me and needed me ASAP to help with something at work, but that wouldn't work, considering she's my coworker.

I put on my red lacy panties and bra, a black short dress that exposed half of my butt, that had a mesh transparent top, that pretty much showed everything and left little to the imagination.

I put on my black ballerina shoes and was ready to go, while Maya was still in the shower. We still had time, but I was restless. The events that happened today were keeping me on my toes, adrenaline rushing through me constantly. It made me shake and kind of sick in the stomach, but I knew there was only one thing to ease my nerves right now.

And that was alcohol. Lots and lots of it.

I decided I would get drunk tonight and let loose a little if it would help. It didn't help I'm an overthinker even about little things, but this is going to push me over the edge and I'm going to do something I will regret.

The feeling was nauseating, knowing I could easily hurt someone with my mind and I had to constantly try to keep my feelings in control. It was getting really hard to do it, too.

After agonizing 15 minutes, Maya was finally done with her shower and I hoped we could leave, but she stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. I just about lost it and told her to meet me in the living room when she was done.

I knew Jeremy had a stash of alcohol there, from when he would get visitors, as it is customary to bring a gift in a form of a bottle of local alcoholic drink. Mostly, he got wines and whiskey, but then and again, he got tequila and homemade schnapps.

I didn't care for the latter, but tequila sounded just right. I opened one that looked the cheapest and took a big gulp. It burned my throat a little, but nothing I couldn't handle.

I drank more and Onyx spoke to me.

'You know that won't do anything to us, right?'

'Well, if I drink a truck tank, it will.' I drank some more.

"Nope. Literally nothing more than a buzz.' She sounded smug and I didn't like it.

'What? Why not? It should. I mean, it does for everybody else. Why not me?' I grew more annoyed by the second and it didn't help I was still waiting on Queen Slow to get ready.

'Sorry, but it's the alpha blood. Others don't have it, so they can get drunk. But an alpha is supposed to protect their pack and has to keep a clear head always. Even if there is no danger present. So we have to go through every single moment of pain, grief, or even party, sober. It sucks, but you'll get used to it.'

And at that moment, all my plans for tonight went down the drain. I sat in Jeremy's chair and emptied the bottle. Still no sign of Queen Slow.

I wonder if she even dried her hair yet.

I went to check and to my surprise, she was already putting her shoes on. An hour later than she was supposed to. I rolled my eyes and grinned, asking her if we are going already or still not.

She was done and we were out the door, a taxi already waiting on us. We sat in and started our drive to the out-of-town party.

We talked about our day at work and everything that happened, also what we found in the books. Even though there wasn't anything important, some things were still interesting. Like the water and electricity systems, which are still working as well as all those years ago.

The car stopped after about 40 minutes and we stepped into a humid night, pushing our short dresses down and looking around us.

There was a line of people in front of a building, which had colorful lights all around the front side, signaling that there was a party, if you couldn't hear the music. It was so loud, even outside, that I almost had to hold my hands on my ears. I wonder how people around here sleep with all this noise.

Maya seemed to have noticed my discomfort and answered my question before it was asked.

"This is a human town. No wolf lives here. And I think you know why. The noise would make this town unlivable for wolves. But humans have very bad hearing and it doesn't bother them at all. Now come, we better step in this line if we want to get in the building tonight at all." After she said that, I looked and saw many more were now standing in line, which was moving very slowly.

As we were standing there, I was looking at the bouncer in front and saw he was checking some kind of cards.

"What is he looking at?" I asked Maya and nodded in the direction of the entrance.

"He's checking if everyone is older than 21. Alcohol is served here and humans don't like their young drinking at such an early age. I guess it prevents addiction. I don't understand myself, really. It just doesn't make sense to me. If someone wants to drink, they will find a way." I agreed with her. It's just stupid.

Then, she continued her rant. "Imagine, if you get pregnant at 14. That means your child will be in middle school before you're allowed to drink. If anything, you should be able to get alcohol when they're two years old. I hear toddlers are the worst. Like teenagers, but with a child's mind. And the temper tantrums. Oh goddess, how many times have I watched a mother lose her s**t at a*****e because her kid wanted all the sweets."

The thought of that made me laugh out loud and we got a few stares. I composed myself, still laughing on the inside.

The line was moving very slowly and we ran out of things to talk about in public. We couldn't talk about wolf stuff, the humans would call it an insane asylum. And from what I read about those places, they weren't where I wanted to spend the best years of my life.

"So, how are you and that mate of yours?" I asked Maya since I haven't seen him around much.

"Good. We've been living together for the last couple of days and there are some things we don't like about each other, but we'll get through them." She answered and before I even knew it, my mouth spoke on its own.

"You mean how much time it takes for you to get ready?" And as I finished my sentence, she punched me in the arm. Not hard, but in a don't-mention-it way. We laughed and didn't realize someone was walking toward us.

"Hey." He spoke, almost startling us. "You ladies want some action?"

As he said that, I turned towards him and saw he was a skinny human boy, no older than us, his pants under his waist, a fake watch on his wrist, and a hoodie on, that could fit a very large man.

"No thank you," I answered for the both of us and we turned back to the front of the line, which was getting shorter.

"You don't know what you're missing. Come with me, let me show you." He grabbed me by my elbow and I turned around and punched him right in his orbital rim. Not with enough force to break his bones, but enough to open the skin and for blood to start gushing out and he fell to the floor.

Maya just stood there with a look that said 'You really shouldn't have done that' and we just stepped down the line that kept moving.

"You b***h, look what you did. I'm bleeding. You'll regret this, bitch." I could see in my peripheral vision he stood up and held the side of his head. He kind of limped away and I really hoped he wouldn't ruin this day for me again. It was just a s**t day to begin with.