His Insane Lust

1

My journey has been very long, not that I am aged now. I do not regret a single passing moment of it. At times, it has been dark, hard times most of the time. And at other times, joyous, shadowed with sunlight, happy but not happy. Not really. The roads have been fraught with dangers for me from the advent, it's like I never choose the right paved road ever. Only with boulders, thick forests, high mountains, the darkness terrifying. But now, it all seems like a snow desert, hard and cold, not aware of which direction I am walking in. Sometimes coming across the same path again and again. I have been both wise and foolish. I have been both betrayed and abandoned, but love and like from my side do not exist in my dictionary. And the life roads continue, getting difficult than it has been. She is beautiful, the only precious possession that I have, she is thin, in a simple white frock, that was draped elegantly around her, her shoulder-length dark hair was made into two braids, her features small and cute, her skin creamy. Sometimes I felt like the way she carried herself with enormous poise and Grace, it was because of all the princess stories that I told her.

She was so frail when she was small. I was afraid it was because I wasn't able to provide her enough food. But now she is 10 and healthy. Her eyes are almond-shaped, pitch black. We both are exactly opposite of each other. Though both of us have the same parents, not exactly parents. Since our mother died when we were very small, Ancy my sister was just born and I was 9 years old, the way our mother died remains a mystery to us. And our father, he firstly is alive, I wonder why. Oliver, I can never call him father, for the very simple reason I have never felt like he has played that part in our lives, more of a burden to say, Ancy says, he must have become like that after our mother died. Maybe, but I don't think so

.Olive says Ancy is the one who knows the least about our mother since she was just one, then but frankly speaking, if my memory serves my rights I don't even know how she looked. But I must have her looks since I don't have Oliver's. I have strawberry blonde hair and fiercely olive-green eyes. Ancy and my academics have been very poor. I have always felt like the responsibility on my shoulders has been so much, I can't be bothered about building an international company by doing a Ph.D. in the business right now, the others my age think that.

But as for me I just want to earn enough to be able to have a good two meals a day and buy necessary items for ourselves. I had realized it at a very early age that I can't have a stereotypical life like others. Oliver got to head to toe paralyzed five years ago, he had a serious car accident and after that, he has been stuck to a wheelchair. He doesn't do much, except for looking into space. I never get Ancy into the real-life agony we face every day, but the child's smart enough to get know, she'd rather not agree to it. But nothing stops her from dreaming big she always wants a castle, cars, puppies, Barbie, princess style, not to mention the prince. I have always told her that the only way she can have all those was if she studied. She is not in the best junior high but that's the best I can give her. I haven't quite quit my academics, but I ain't regular at it either. I would do anything to keep this family going on. I work at two part-time jobs and one full-time job. That's how I don't manage to study. My full-time jobs at a typing center, it was an easy job, by easy I mean even people without much education can manage to do that. I had been told that my eyesight was at risk before taking up this job, that I had to be in front of the computer all day long. But thankfully I haven't got a sight ...yet! The best part about this job was, it was better than wearing miniskirts and handing out food at tables, or giving your best voice at call enters or even worst exposing your self doing adds on lingeries. And the better part was that this job was offered to me, coming to think of it all the jobs were given to me.

 I didn't have to go around begging for it, not that I didn't value my job or wasn't desperate for it. All thanks to Bennett, he is Oliver's workmate, but much younger and understanding than him. When Oliver got paralyzed Bennett just popped out of nowhere helping us with his medication and giving us all the emotional needs. And after that he has been more like family than ever, he got me all the three jobs, and he is there whenever there is any problem. We owe him a lot. He too works with me at the typing center, we need to just give the correct answer for the captchas they send us online and get paid for it but, each captcha solving gives us only $0.0042 and we can withdraw only when, we have $5 in our accounts, its a tiresome job but we get paid for as much as we do. My second job at a boutique, I don't really like the job, but the owner makes the best use of me, I do the manipulation work to our dear customers. I go alternatives days them after 4 in the evening so I sometimes take Ancy along with me, she loves clothes and people trying them on. And my third exclusive job is at the garage its where vehicles get repaired. And I love bikes so, I like that part-time job too, that's every morning. It was st. Patrick's day today and I was off duty for the two part-time jobs but I have to go for just two hours to the typing center. I was cleaning our room, we don't have that much of a house, it's a small cozy one room and kitchen and living room attached. I took out the box under my bed, this is not just any box, it had all the memories of my mother. The box was made up of bronze and it was very antique, not dirty but the color was dark, it was carved out and velvet cushioned inside, Ancy would love to see something like this, but I had already decided that I would show it to her on her birthday this year. There was a small pair wing in it, it was silver, and heavy, there was no butterfly or bird or fairy at the other side of it but just a pair of heavy wings, well carved too. I don't know what they symbolize but I have always had it in this box, then there was this letter, a letter written by our mother.              'When we meet, our hands will join, and we will        know each other. The light is there, waiting for us. We must each, in our own way, journey

Until we find it. To reach it we will need to determination, strength and courage, gratitude, and            Most of all patience. And after all that,

wisdom          And as the end of the road, we will find ourselves                and each other, peace at it, and the love that,             Until now, we have only dreamed

off.'   -Joslyn The paper had

already gone brittle, when I was small I used to read those words out loud and cry, I would've read it again and again and close my eyes as though expecting some miracle to happen and when I opened my eyes I would find her right in front of me. But that never happened, I still don't understand what my mother meant by her words. It felt like it was a missing part of her personal diary that she left with us and she is gone now. "Novah..! Watcha doing ", I got a jerk, the box fell out of my hands, Ancy was hoping her way into the room, I quickly started collecting everything and putting it back into the box, I pushed it under the bed. "How many times do I need to remind you to knock before you get inside !?" I asked I was furious, but that was a serious problem Ancy had of never knocking. "Sorry," she said pouting with the puppy dog face that she pulls out every time she is at fault. " Okay now don't give me that look, what did you want?!" I asked impatiently, " can we eat, if you have finished cleaning our room?" , " I am hungry " "Me too," I said. "Let's go "we walked down the creaky wooden stairs to the living c*m dining area. "Hello, Novah! And look who is here, our angle Ancy" said Bennett.

He ruffled her hair and sat back in his chair next to Oliver." Hey " I replied shortly. "I got you some Jack fruit and pineapple hope we can feast on it "he yelled, it was on the kitchen counter, I don't want him to give us something or the other every other occasion, I feel like we owe him more. I set the table with tomato and capsicum salad, and spinach spaghetti. "Let's begin the feast," I said, clashing my fork and spoon together, Ancy whined, " I don't like this food she said tearing up", " it's all green like how it's supposed to be Ancy, its St.

Patrick's day today" Bennett tried convincing her. I too was tired of eating the same thing, I had no choice these are the cheapest in the market and whatever doesn't sell the grocery shop just generously gives it to us, that's when we have a feast but this time, she couldn't save much since people were robbing everything for their home feasts. "Okay, now if you eat the whole meal we will get you some gummy bears," I said widening my eyes and smiling ear to ear. Ancy she nodded. "Maybe we could get her some green gummy bears," said Bennett, and we all burst laughing while Oliver grunted. Bennett and I were walking towards the typing center, it wasn't a long walk especially when we had each other's company, we reached the center in about 15 minutes and started working, the owner was unusually kind to me every time, we employees have to get some amount of our salary cut for every wrong answer to the captchas, I have done many mistakes till date but that grumpy old man never cuts mine. Sometimes I am so tired, I just dose of typing and my answers go wrong but he just neglects it and gives me my whole amount. But his niceness pays a Hard time to me later, the other employees don't question him about it fearing he would Chuck them out but they show their anger on me. Bennett never takes his job seriously, there was this time when he dosed of and started snoring so loud that the manger had to kick him out. He doesn't even get paid I guess h just come here to play around, that's when I wondered where does he get money to live so well then. I mean he wears good clothes, eats well by the look of his body, rides a bike, I haven't seen his house but I am sure he must live well too. When I asked him about it, he said that he has a treasure back home, that was his version of the story when we're small and not that mature. He now says that his adoptive parents send him money every week in an account he has. Since they feel responsible for him, but not responsible enough to live with him. That's cool enough though it's better than my condition in all ways. It had already been 4 hours and it was 7 pm, Ancy must be pissed off since we promised to get her candies, I don't generally work overtime but since I was off the boutique duty today I thought I could make more money out of my time. I jogged out and ran for home, I stopped at a candy store and bought some candies for her. By the time I reached home, it was half an hour past and I was pretty late, it was dark out. Ancy was asleep, she must have waited cause she had her notebooks on her lap, I carefully removed everything off her and slid her into our hard mattress, covered her with a blanket, and kissed her. "Good night"-. She replied in her sleep. Since I am not an early sleeper I thought I would go through some home works before checking on Oliver. It's like a sort of study from home, I borrowed books from Bennett since he was not using them. I studied whenever I got time. I was never a bright student but I wrote assignments now and then to be along with my batch of students at school. Bennett gets these assignments corrected by a teacher who supposedly lives next to him, though I have never come across him, but seems like a nice one, by the looks of how he checks my assignment. I made sure I make Ancy's first priority to study. She was good at it and everyone was supportive of it. After I was done forcing some characters into my head I went down to get water and check on Oliver.

 The lights were dimmed. He was sitting in his wheelchair and staring out of the window. "Hey, can I get you something?!" I asked. He slowly turned around his chair and looked at me. He shook his head, I slowly put his first leg on the bed, then the second one, I lifted his body slowly and put it on the bed too, I covered him with his blanket, he was not heavy very thin in fact. It must be his age with wrinkled face, ever shivering hands, and drooping eyes. I was about to turn off the lights when he called out almost whispered, "Nova...h " he Said croaking it out. I went and stood next to him " do you need something ?" I asked. "No i just wanted to tell you, that you look just like your mother, she would be very proud of you for making it this far, I know I have been a farting ass and these holy words don't suit my traits from before an now. Ha..h..a But remember that this isn't it, there is a long road yet to travel, and to tell you the truth this isn't even the beginning." He said, I could see his eyes shining in the dim light, he was telling the truth. "Good night Novah,       " he said and turned to the

other direction. I switched off the lights and started walking up the stairs, I was 18 but sometimes I still couldn't understand what these people try to tell me. What Oliver told me didn't get off my head for a very long time, I tried making sense of it, his words sounded so similar to someone's else's, but I couldn't remember whose. It was almost 3 am when it finally hit me that tomorrow was a full day filled with all the three jobs and I wasn't of any of them. I am sure the typing center manager is going to kick me out this time instead of Bennett, unconsciously smiling I fell asleep.