Theory Of The Constant Melody

CHAPTER 13

LEADING US TO THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE BY THE ADMINISTRATORS, we get on board the university vans. I stared out the window as various thoughts began taking over my mind. The rain reduced to a light drizzle, but the tension built in Acherous heart wouldn’t at least minimize. I’ve been fighting back my emotion not to burst out, and I no longer know what I can do.

This would be an extensive travel along my band mates and chosen students—roughly a hundred with their knowledge about mental health awareness.

Additionally, finding out the aim of this outreach program made me have grounds for complacency and gratification for we were picked out to perform.

This event is focusing on the depression awareness in coordination with the health department of the town. Before settling on this by the university’s committee, they have contacted the chairman of the council of Napa Country if we could organize an outreach program that tackles about depression downright.

As the administrator told us last week, they knocked the proposal around since St. Helena is one of the wealthy cities; regardless to that, it’s still the matter of the objective of this event.

About an hour ago when I set out for school as our main place of departure, therewith my mom called me saying: “Your spirit and voice will blow them away.” Although, it’s not a contest or competition to claim the triumph.

Nevertheless and forthwith, she told me she’s proud of me for continuing her advocacy in behalf of me. My mom was once an educator, but when she resigned from her job for vindicating a censure against the offenders who had been proposed a resolution of prohibiting the l***q+ to be forfeited going to school as the premise wished.

Shortly after that, we lacked of money and had been given a three-month margin for the two-year contract lease. However, my parents had no found new jobs to pay the rent that’s why we were forced to move to my grandmother—mother’s side—in Texas.

“You okay?” Annalyn asked. She almost knew about what I have done lately but not about Acherous. She has kept on asking me, as well as others, but no one dared answer.

Giving her a look on my left side, I plastered an assurance smile on my lips. “Uhm… I didn’t realize you’re sitting right beside me. And yes, I’m fine,” I replied.

“I wonder who you would be expecting to sit on my seat…” She pursed her lips and extended an index finger against her chin. “Me?” Mischievousness overtook her face as she snickered moderately.

I chuckled and put my hands inside the pockets of my track jacket. I looked at the back only to know who else are occupying the backseat aside from my band mates. Snuggling up on each other while chitchatting and eating popcorns, the two men repeatedly caressing their hands against ladies’ hair.

“Openly, I’ve noticed that you and Acherous are not talking for, uhm…”

“Five days,” I finished, and my eyes darted on Acherous sitting behind Annalyn. Earphone plugged in his ears; I studied his face with his eyes shut.

Afterwards, I eyed my co-vocalist who’s obviously scrutinizing my face.

“Anna, I might melt,” I joked and gave her a smothered laugh.

“You love him, don’t you?” she asked, displaying her serious, yet sincere feature.

My heart suddenly pounded out of my chest; mind racing a mile a minute anticipating that she may already notice my feeling toward Acherous.

Maintaining her eye contact with me, she tucked a few strands of hair behind her left ear. “I get it. I can rarely see two men holding onto their friendship. Once fought, the tie might… be segmented.”

Staring into space on the wind shield, I let out a sigh and relaxed my head on the backrest. “In our case, I don’t know how to… reform the bonds together… but I am trying.”

“Well, I really admire you, Cyan,” she said with conviction.

I puckered my forehead and looked her in the eye. “In what aspect?”

“I admire you for… your kindness. I seldom see men like you to try fixing your friendship with someone. And they are lucky to have you. Very lucky. Even so, you’re loving them—”

“Even though they don’t love me back… besides, having friends with someone doesn’t necessarily mean there’s love, expecting too much from them actually sucks. But the real friendship, there’s this what-we-call acceptance, love, and trust.”

“That’s why I love you, Cyan…” she replied straight away.

“Anna, I love you, too.” I winked at her and nodded.

“Just close friends,” we spoke in unison and burst out laughing.

CLOSING MY EYES FIRMLY, I felt my tears welling up when I heard the first string being plucked.

Actually, he piled on pain to me and hence, I have to snap out of it.

“Do you hear me, I’m talking to you… across the water across the deep blue ocean under the open sky… oh my… baby I’m trying,” I started off to sing.

I have no idea if the pain drew across my face, if it’s apparent. I did nothing wrong after all, but why am I the one carrying the odds? It’s actually strange. I just woke this morning, burden suddenly burning me down, and I knew from the start that it would break me eventually.

We’ve just arrived an hour ago after almost seven hours of travel. Forthwith, we took our lunch at the Vinery Roadside and prepared ourselves.

“Boy, I hear you in my dreams… I feel your whisper across the sea… I keep you with me in my heart… you make it easier when life gets hard,” Annalyn sang softly.

We’re holding the event at the Spring Hall where it can utilize thousands of ladder-back chairs. It’s way too capacious for an ordinary hall having a soccer field-like wideness.

“I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend… lucky to have been where I have been… lucky to be coming home again,” Anna and I sang together then the crowd began to sing along with us.

Gladly, more than 2,000 people gathered to learn how to suppress and get rid of depression.

Meanwhile, the other chosen students performed dancing, rendering scenes to depict the cause and effect of depression, also we prepared some games. Before moving on to the gist of this event, our band lastly sang ‘Quit Playing Games With My Heart’.

Last week, we had our seminar regarding to this event and were divided into ten clusters.

“Okay, folks… before we start, let me tell you a story—my story in particular during my diagnosis in anxiety disorder and how I survived from it,” I preluded when it was my turn to speak in front of a hundred of teenagers; ages from 15 to 18.

I am with my band mates and other fifteen members mooching around our designated place inside the hall.

“Long time ago when I was high school like you, I had so many problems and worries. I had been filled with dread. How did it occur, by the way?” Steepling my fingers, I hemmed twice and clasped my wrist behind back.

“… admit it or not, some of you here are pressured. From what, then? School? Family? Peers?”

“Going back, I have fear of failing. I don’t want to fail. I never screwed up my oral and written examination; otherwise, I’d be scolded by my father. However, do you know the result? I had encountered anxiety.”

Walking down the aisle, I paused and took a quick glance around. Then, my eyes accidentally fell on Acherous’, and he looked away at once. Was it a sin to assume all the while he’s watching me?

“Anxiety and depression are serious mental conditions. And if we’re talking about this, numerous individuals can relate…”

“… The first thing to be considered to get rid of and overcome depression is faith or spiritual matters. You should explore yourself to different beliefs where you can somehow adapt them. Second, look for opportunities to help your community… as well as yourself to get what causes you depression out of your head…”

“… Third, relax your mind through meditation. You exercise. Fourth, uplift your imagination through arts that reflect your thoughts. Fifth, pay heed to yourself. Understanding oneself is self-worth and self-love…”

“… Sixth, attend some seminars where you can be the listener or the speaker. And we have the last thing to be considered which I always do when I feel dreadful or stress: Try to be consistent in sleeping. Too much or too less resting can give rise to depression. Those are my ways to conquer anxiety which is relatively connected to depression.”

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY.

Only those whom I closed with bothered to greet me on my special day. Who else can do? But except for Acherous who seemed to slip in his mind since this morning. He just walked past me like he didn’t even remember this day. This occasion can be sweet without a cake but is becoming bitter when someone you expect to be your company doesn’t even remember it. I’ll just wait this day to stretch ahead for I have had my resolution since high school until now to have a treat of pair; to be better and going stronger.

I stood up from the bed and sat by the window, gazing out and feeling a gentle heat, enough for the right way to get exposed to sunlight.

A moment later, somebody knocked on the door. I tilted my head up just a little, and my eyebrows creased. Who could that be? Have I invited anyone?

I strode across the room and went straight to the door. I opened it slightly only to discover that it was my mom who just came.

“Mom?” I spoke, no one could be happier than me. It was really my mom. From a pair of her russet eyes to her raven hair.

I opened the door widely and embraced her in my arms. I held out and touched her on the shoulders.

Mom smiled and held her finger up to her throat. “Surprise! Happy birthday, son!” she greeted me.

“I couldn’t believe this,” I murmured. “Thanks, Mom!”

“Should I come in?” she asked, shoving her hair from her face. “I’m thirsty. Would you mind---”

“Sure, Mom!” I quickly answered.

We both came in, and I carried three bags she brought all the way here.

“Mom, this is too heavy for you. You shouldn’t have come. Or you must’ve brought my siblings with you.”

“They wished so. But I had no much money to buy them tickets. Besides, they have their class.”

I sighed.

“So, we should call a celebration, shouldn’t we?”

“Mom…” I gesticulated and put down the bags on the table. “Not necessary, all right? What I want for you is to rest. I got used to having no feast; I just celebrate it with God.”

“I know. I know, but let me do it for my eldest son. You’ve done great to our family. I wanted you to feel that you deserve all what you need. Besides, I’m already right here.”

Inclining my right arm on the top rail of a chair, I smiled at my mom who’s drawing out so many containers having different dishes inside from the bags.

“Mom…” I called.

Putting to a halt, she looked me in the eye and gave me a loving smile. “Yes, Cyan? Are you still surprised?” she asked.

 “Uhm… Mom, you don’t have to do this, all right? You don’t need to exhaust yourself from any stuff like this. I’m fine,” I spoke, sounded appealing and persuading. Actually, I am over the moon seeing my mother in here. Who could think that way? She travelled so far.

“Not a big deal, Cyan. Besides, I’m here to visit you and—” she strangled when the bathroom door creaked.

“Auntie Karen…” I heard Acherous say.

Staring at my mom’s astounded face; she raised her arms horizontally and strode past me.

“Oh, here you are, Acherous. How are you?”

I turned my back and watched them. They hugged each other, and cheerfulness clouded their features.

My eyes and Acherous’ met in between.

He looked down as the corners of his mouth turned up. “Absolutely fine, Auntie Karen. What’s the matter?” he asked, now looking at Mom.

“I just dropped around to celebrate Cyan’s birthday. It’s his debut,” my mom replied.

Thereupon saying, Acherous blanched and cursed under his breath which I perceived with his mouth.

They released each other.

“Don’t you know? Or just Cyan hasn’t told you yet?” my mom asked.

“Ah… actually, he told me last time when we talked about our birthdays. I just… forgot it, Auntie Karen.”

“Forgetting is never an excuse,” I commented and smirked while gazing at him.

Afterwards, they both eyed me.

“Don’t mind him, Acherous. He’s just moody as you haven’t known about him. Let’s go,” my mom explained.

“But… I have something for him which I bought two weeks ago… wait,” he said, smiling a little.

He rushed to his bed and knelt on the floor. He bowed his head down and lunged his hand beneath the bed. He pulled a wisteria-wrapped box which created a slight squeak sound.

Subsequently, he stood up and paced toward me. “Happy birthday, Cyan,” he greeted shyly.

I thought he forgot it. Afterwards, he handed over his gift to me and smiled that I actually miss to see on his face.

“Thanks!” I just uttered and got his gift then turned around. Therewith, a smile escaped from my lips as I padded along meters.