The Guy I Never Met

What Are You Scared Of?

CHAPTER 8: "What Are You Scared Of?"

The house was quiet.

No stress. No pressure.

Just the end of the day.

Ola: You done for today?

Ola: Please tell me you're not too tired today.

Kemi: Because I am 😂

Kemi: My legs are done. My back is done. My brain is done.

Kemi: But I’m resting now. So it’s fine.

Ola: Good.

Ola: Go sit down and put your feet up.

Kemi: Yes sir.

Kemi: You? You off work?

Ola: Just now.

Ola: 6pm and I’m free.

Ola: I should be happy. But my head is loud.

Kemi: Same.

Kemi: It’s always loud at dawn, right?

Kemi: When everything is quiet and you’re left with your own thoughts.

Ola: Yeah.

Ola: ...Can I ask you something serious this time?

Ola: No jokes.

Kemi: Mmm?

Kemi: You’re scaring me 😂

Kemi: But yes. Ask.

Ola: What’s the thing that scares you the most

Ola: About going back to Nigeria?

The typing stopped for a while.

Kemi read it twice.

Kemi: Wow.

Kemi: You don’t do small talk at all, do you? 😂

Kemi: Okay. Let me be honest.

Kemi: I’m scared of failing.

Kemi: Like... proper failing.

Kemi: What if I go back and I still can’t get into school?

Kemi: What if I try Open University and the money finishes again?

Kemi: What if I apply for GKS next year and I don’t get it?

Kemi: What if I wasted all this time abroad and I have nothing to show for it?

Ola: Kemi...

Kemi: No let me finish.

Kemi: I’m scared of people asking me "so what did you achieve there?"

Kemi: And I’ll have to say "I worked. I survived."

Kemi: Like survival is not enough?

Kemi: But in our heads it feels like it’s not enough.

Kemi: We’re supposed to come back with degrees, money, house, car.

Kemi: And I’m coming back with stress and an empty account and hope.

Ola: I get it.

Ola: The pressure is crazy.

Kemi: It’s not just that.

Kemi: I’m scared that I’ve changed too much.

Kemi: That home won’t feel like home anymore.

Kemi: That I’ve been away so long I don’t know how to fit back in.

Kemi: What if I’m too "abroad" for Nigeria and too "Nigerian" for abroad? I'm stuck in the middle.

Ola: ...That’s a real fear.

Ola: Thank you for telling me.

Ola: Can I ask you something else?

Ola: Do you believe in God?

Kemi: Yes.

Kemi: I do.

Kemi: Why?

Ola: Because I think that’s the only thing keeping me sane sometimes.

Ola: Kemi, with all this fear... with all this "what if I fail" talk...

Ola: We have to have faith too.

Ola: Not just in ourselves. In God.

Kemi: Mmm.

Kemi: Sometimes it’s hard though.

Kemi: When you’re praying and nothing is changing.

Kemi: When you’re working and nothing is moving.

Kemi: Faith feels far.

Ola: I know.

Ola: But faith isn’t about seeing it now.

Ola: It’s about believing that the middle won’t last forever.

Ola: That God sees you washing those plates.

Ola: That God sees me running on 3 hours of sleep.

Ola: And He’s not forgetting us.

Kemi: ...You’re right.

Kemi: I pray sometimes and I cry.

Kemi: Because I’m tired.

Kemi: But maybe that’s also prayer.

Kemi: The crying part.

Ola: It is.

Ola: God hears that too.

Ola: He’s not waiting for us to have perfect words.

Ola: He just wants us to not give up.

Ola: So even when you’re scared... believe.

Ola: Even when I’m scared... believe.

Ola: The school, the future... it’s not all on us.

Ola: We do our part. Then we leave the rest to Him.

Kemi: That helps.

Kemi: To know I'm not doing this alone.

Kemi: I have you and I have God.

Kemi: That's enough for me.

Ola: Exactly.

Ola: We are not alone in this middle.

Ola: We have each other and we have Him.

Kemi: Thank you.

Kemi: I needed that reminder.

Ola: Anytime.

Kemi: Now your turn. What scares you? Because I know you have something.

Ola: Okay. A lot of things.

Ola: First, I’m scared of graduating and still being broke.

Ola: I’m juggling school and internship and work and sometimes I wonder "for what?"

Ola: What if I do all of this and I still can’t take care of myself properly?

Ola: What if I can’t even take care of the people I love?

Kemi: Ola...

Ola: Second, I’m scared of not being enough. Not responsible enough.

Ola: I talk big about future and helping you with school".

Ola: But what if I can’t?

Ola: What if I’m just words?

Kemi: You’re not just words.

Ola: Third...

Ola: I’m scared of time running out. Everyone is moving. My mates are getting jobs, traveling out, building things. And I’m here trying to finish one semester.

Ola: It feels like I’m late to my own life.

Kemi: You’re not late.

Kemi: Who told you that?

Ola: My own brain at 2am.

Kemi: We need to fire your brain at 2am.

Kemi: Because what you said... I feel it too.

Ola: Really?

Kemi: Yes.

Kemi: The "am I doing enough" thing.

Kemi: The "is this all there is" thing.

Kemi: Sometimes I’m just cleaning and I think "is this my life now?" And then I feel guilty for thinking that. Because at least I have work. And I’m trying.

Ola: Trying is something. Surviving is something.

Ola: Kemi, you being here, working, planning to go to school... that’s not nothing. That’s everything.

Kemi: And you?

Kemi: You doing school + work + internship...

Kemi: That’s not small.

Kemi: That’s huge.

Kemi: Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Ola: It’s easier to believe it when you say it.

Ola: When I say it to myself it sounds like lies.

Kemi: Same. So maybe we should say it to each other more.

Ola: Deal. So... new rule.

Ola: When the 2am brain starts talking, we text each other.

Ola: We pray. We remind each other.

Ola: We remember that we’re not failing.

Ola: We’re just in the middle. And God is in the middle with us.

Kemi: The middle is the hardest part.

Kemi: Not the beginning. Not the end. The middle.

Ola: The middle is where people quit. But we won’t. Because we’ve come too far to quit now.

Ola: You’ve come too far to quit. And i’ve come too far to quit.

Kemi: ...Thank you.

Kemi: For asking that question.

Kemi: I’ve been carrying it alone.

Ola: You don’t have to anymore. Whatever you’re scared of... You don’t have to be scared alone anymore. I’m here. Even if it’s just through text.

Kemi: That means a lot. More than you know.

Ola: Some things are just... waiting for us. School, home, money,peace.

Kemi: Yeah. Waiting for us. I like that better.

Ola: Me too.

Ola: Now go to sleep.

Ola: No more 2am brain tonight, okay?

Kemi: Okay.

Kemi: Goodnight, Ola.

Kemi: Thank you for being in the middle with me.

Ola: Always.

Ola: Goodnight, Kemi.

Ola: Dream about the end, not the middle.

Kemi set her phone down and stared at the ceiling.

Her chest felt lighter. For the first time in weeks, the 2am brain was quiet.

On the other side of the screen, Ola didn’t sleep right away.

He lay on his bed, phone still in his hand, replaying the chat.

He let out a long breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Ola: ...We’re gonna be okay.

He whispered it to himself. To God. To no one.

Then he closed his eyes.

Two people. Different countries. Same fears.

But tonight, not alone.

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TO BE CONTINUED...