An Illicit Love

Chapter 3

Arriving home, Catie saw her son pedaling down the driveway on his scooter to meet her at the gate. Bryan was an extremely attractive child, gentle and well mannered. Physically, his face was a mini-me of his father, Kevin, a good looking man four years younger than Catie. Catie opened the gate and hugged Bryan who immediately indicated he wanted to ride on his mother’s lap while she pulled the car into the garage. That done, Catie gathered her handbag and a few items, picked up Bryan and started walking towards the back door. Mentally preparing herself to greet Kevin, praying that what had happened was not plastered all over her face. Would he see? Would he somehow know? Well, she would know soon enough.

Kevin was pouring himself some soda in the kitchen and turning towards her, greeted and asked her how her day had been, what they were having for supper, and told her that he was at a crucial part of a game he was busy with, all in one breath, while walking out of the kitchen back to his PC. Catie, who felt that guilt was plastered all over her face was relieved. Her and Bryan started preparing the hot dogs that were their customary Friday night supper, and his chatter helped keep her on course, and her thoughts on the mundane routine tasks she was performing. She and Bryan ate their hot dogs in front of the TV while watching one of Bryan’s favorite cartoons. Kevin ate his seated at his PC, and Catie wondered if he would even notice if he was eating sawdust, so engrossed was he in his game.

As dusk drew in, she bathed Bryan, dressed him in his pyjamas and read a page of his latest Dr Seuss story book to him, before tucking him in and kissing him goodnight. Kevin called for a cup of tea, after which she bathed, kissed the back of Kevin’s head goodnight, and got into bed. Catie and Kevin did not socialize much, and getting into bed early with a juicy romance book, was the norm. Catie poured herself a glass of red wine, propped her pillow against the head board and settled in for a good read. Or so she thought.

Catie had made peace with their life. She had realized that Kevin was not romantic, and had very little idea what most woman yearned for, and needed. Where she longed for scenes from her novels, he was happy just as things were. It was a longing Catie had to suppress on numerous occasions, numerous times a day. She had to become used to the life she had chosen to live. After reading the same sentence numerous times without it making any sense, Catie put the book down, realizing she was not going to get much reading done. Unwanted, but totally expected, thoughts of what had happened with Dave crept in, no matter how hard she tried to reject them. Catie had thought that first kisses and the fire that went with them were no longer part of her life, after all she was a married woman. But it had been so special. So exactly what she yearned for. Let’s face it – what she needed. Catie had a fiery nature and longed to be able to express herself, in words and actions, without receiving an astonished, half surprised look and an instantaneous backing off.

Catie decided to dissect the day’s happenings, trying to be totally detached and honest. Right. Here’s Dave. A picture of him as she had last seen him, lips slightly swollen, blue eyes with an indefinable expression in them, arms slowly trailing down hers till at last their fingertips drifted apart, legs slightly apart to steady himself. Ok. That’s him. Why did he kiss her? Why now? Is it about her being a conquest to him? No. Definitely no. He’s not the sort of man to whom that would be important. Catie found herself reliving the kiss while picturing him. That wasn’t going to help to compartmentalize the issue, placing everything in the right box, dismissing it and moving on now was it, she asked herself. Catie closed her eyes and allowed the thoughts which were waiting just under the surface, to emerge. She had felt that the kiss had meant more than just a conquest to Dave. She had felt the slight trembling in the muscles of his arms as he held her. Felt the unsteady beating of his heart as she was held against his chest. It had affected him as much as it affected her, if not more, as he had been the initiator. Catie found her fingers were softly touching her lips, which remembered exactly how it had felt to be kissed by Dave hours earlier. How was she ever going to relax enough to fall asleep?

She opened the bedside drawer and looked for the bottle holding the sleeping pills she drank when she really couldn’t sleep. Getting quietly out of bed, she went to the kitchen for a glass of water, on the way checking up on Bryan who was sound asleep. As she approached the kitchen, Kevin heard her and called for a last cup of tea, eyes glued to the computer screen. Catie made the tea, received a perfunctory thanks, and went back to bed. To sleep this time.

When Catie awoke the next morning, she moved automatically in the routine of most Saturdays. Her first thought upon awakening had been of what happened the day before. She asked herself if she was not perhaps attaching more importance to it than necessary, but knew even as the thought crossed her mind, that it was not so. Quietly, so as not to wake Kevin, she visited the bathroom then went to wake Bryan, who was already awake, and waiting for her to come and kiss him with a bit of a tickle and a giggle. Bryan trailed her to the kitchen, where she was putting the kettle on and doing so on autopilot, her thoughts still taken up with the day before. Catie started a normal conversation with Bryan, asking him what he wanted for breakfast, while her mind raced through everything that had happened yesterday. Well, this is not a good idea she thought. You have to think it through coldly and logically then put it out of your mind. Yeah really, jeered her inner voice, quite loudly. Catie was pouring milk over Bryan’s Cheerios when Kevin drifted in, hair standing on end, and a morning cup of tea first and foremost on his mind. Catie thought that now, for certain, he would ask her why she was different. But he didn’t. Kevin turned and walked out of the kitchen, and Catie heard him put his PC on and call that he would drink his tea and something to eat in the study, as he was at a crucial point in his game. Catie slowly relaxed muscles she hadn’t realized were tensed and fell into the routine of the weekend at home.

During the weekly washing, cleaning and baking of something sweet, Catie determinedly pushed all thoughts of Dave from her mind, congratulating herself on her success. You see, she reasoned, it’s no big deal. I’ll be fine on Monday. Formally present whatever needed to be presented for signature to Dave and make like nothing untoward had happened. Untoward asked her inner voice? Yes she answered firmly. Untoward. We will continue as usual and it will become buried under daily tasks, and normal routine. And with the reassurance to herself, Catie got through the week-end, pushing all thoughts of Dave from her mind when they appeared, which was fairly often.

The rest of the weekend passed as usual, and by Sunday night, Catie had managed to convince herself she could handle the whole situation without any hitches. She would see to it that everything at work also returned to normal, she told herself. It had been a small unforeseen glitch, which would be straightened out easily, and life would go on as it should.