An Illicit Love

Chapter 11

Catie broached the subject of her coming absence from the office to go on holiday. Dave looked at her with in astonishment. ‘You can’t mean you’re going away for four weeks?” he asked. “Well yes”, Catie answered, “I have to go on holiday with Kevin and Bryan. What reason could I give not to go? It’s our annual family holiday.” Dave looked confused and unhappy. He moved a few steps away from Catie, took a deep breath that seemed to run right down the length of his body, ran his hands through his hair, then pinched his eyes shut with them. ”This can’t be happening,” he said, “I never thought of something like this happening. You can’t go. Do you see? You can’t go. Please don’t go.” It was more a command than a question

Catie didn’t quite know what to say and stayed silent, thinking how to word her response. Dave took two steps towards her and pulled her against the length of his body. He pushed his hardness firmly against her midriff as if to enforce his words. Tremors were running through his arms holding her and he buried his head in her hair. “I have just found you. I’ve been searching for you my whole life. Now I have you and you have to leave. With Kevin.” Catie lifted Dave’s head softly and said “I’ll be coming back. I’m not leaving for ever?” To her surprise, “Dave’s eyes brimmed with tears. Real tears, which she heard in his voice. “How can I stay here and know you are on some beach with Kevin?” Catie shook her head, and said softly, “I am with him every day when I leave here? Just as you are with Melanie when you leave here. We both know this. Even if we don’t discuss it, we both go to our separate lives when we leave each other here.”

Dave didn’t reply. He just quickly pulled Catie close again, and held her as if he couldn’t bear to let her words sink in. His body was shaking with emotion. Catie slowly ran her fingers through his soft, dark hair until she felt him calm himself, take a deep breath, and lift his head to look into her eyes. “I don’t think I will make it through this separation” he said, “I really don’t. I live for the time we spend together. I love my children, but even when I spend time with them during the week-ends, thoughts of you are just below the surface. I pace off the time until I can see you. I can’t wait to get to work to see you. I can’t imagine not seeing you for a month?” His voice held a question, which Catie answered, “I know. How you feel, is an exact mirror of how I feel.” They didn’t continue the discussion about her holiday during their short remaining time together.

Catie went home with a heavy heart, her mind racing in an attempt to try and understand Dave’s reaction. She had not imagined for a minute it would affect him as profoundly as it had. Catie was quieter than usual, and was grateful for Bryan and Kevin’s excited chattering about their plans for the upcoming holiday. Kevin came up behind Catie while she was washing the dishes and hugged her, which was unusual, and Catie would usually have hugged him back, but coming as it did after the afternoon’s meeting with Dave, Catie just smiled at Kevin and watched as he bounced out the kitchen to the garage.

Catie realized anew just what she had let herself in for allowing herself to care for Dave. She remembered then that they hadn’t even discussed the card and it’s words that had made such an impact on her. She ignored her inner voice telling her that this was only the beginning of the path she had decided to take. She knew in her heart that her and Dave’s relationship still was still to develop much farther, but she couldn’t face the enormity of this right now. Even at this early stage of the game, she cared too deeply to think or reason rationally about it. Her feelings and her heart totally ruled her head.