An Illicit Love

Chapter 132

Taking a deep breath, Catie placed some letters that needed authorization in a folder, and walked to Dave's office. With knees trembling in a fit of the collywobbles, she entered his office to find Dave's head bent over a column of figures he was obviously trying to balance, judging from his fingers which flew over the calculator on his desk. Dave looked up and for a fleeting moment the warmth was back in his gaze, but he quickly hid it and looked at her as if she was an unwanted presence in his office. ‘Yes?’ he asked emotionlessly. Catie opened her mouth but nothing came out, so she slid the folder across the desk, turned and left. ‘So much for getting an answer’ she thought to herself crossly. Well, if that’s how it was meant to be going forward, she decided, she would not demean herself by grovelling for an explanation.

Catie tried to eat the fruit she brought for lunch, but it tasted like shredded paper mixed with glue, and stuck in her throat as if it truly was. On her way to Ross’ office to collect the signed wage recon, Dave passed on his way to the shredding machine. All confidential office documents had to be shredded when no longer required. Catie tried to raise a tentative smile, which disappeared when Dave froze her with his blue eyes, and jammed a piece of paper into the shredder. Something in his manner told what he was shredding was personal and concerned the two of them. What if they had not been as discreet as they imagined and he had received a reprimand? Or an anonymous letter from a colleague which had made him take the decision to stop what they had started? She collected the recon and on her way back to her office, stole a quick glance around her, and bending at the waist, leaned in to the shredder and collected the paper Dave had just shredded, tucking the paper into the file she was carrying. Luckily it was still stuck in the teeth of the shredder, and had not fallen into the bin below. Catie proceeded to her office, feeling that the question she had planned to ask, would be answered in these strips of paper once she had reconstructed the page with sellotape.

Catie was a jangle of nerves. What on earth did these words of Dave mean? What had she done to trigger this? Nothing that she could think of. Dave had written a bitter tirade of how he should never have trusted her, should have resisted temptation and walked away from any connection with her, other than work related. Although shaken and puzzled, she was relieved that she had retrieved the shredded letter. It was addressed to no one, but it was painfully obvious that it referred to herself. Catie packed up her desk, took her bag and greeted everyone in a normal manner and left the office. There was a feeling of relief that she now knew that she had not imagined Dave’s coldness towards her. She convinced herself the whole way home, through picking Bryan up and while she was preparing dinner that it was a good thing it had ended sooner rather than later. It was wrong and it was not meant to be, by just that reasoning. Her inner voice woke itself just before midnight to ask her who she thought she was fooling, if it was for the best why were her eyes swimming in tears. And why was she lying awake, hardly breathing with the effort it took not to let go and sob the way she needed to, in acceptance of the fact that this wonderful episode in her life, was already over.

Catie felt like a dish of half warm dish-slop the next morning. Bryan, perhaps feeling her tension, played up and had her nearly in tears by the time she dropped him at pre-school. She had tried to disguise the dark circles under her eyes but this had not been a success. She straightened her shoulders as she pulled in at work, and told herself that she was fine, no one would know she was upset, least of all Dave, and that she could manage this rejection quite well, thank you very much. Dave could go and fly a kite because she felt nothing, was not upset and didn’t need to discuss anything personal with him. He would be astounded at her composure and detachment, as she herself would be.

Her resolve lasted a full ten minutes. When Dave walked through her office on the way to the adjacent Production office, she melted. Her heart beat painfully hard against her ribs and her mouth turned as dry as the Sahara desert in high summer. She couldn't even manage a non -chalant greeting, which would convey her disdain for his whims, his ridiculous letter to himself and his cold eyes. Catie kept herself busy and tried to work on her resolve which had let her down so badly. She had to show she was unaffected and how little his withdrawal from her meant to her. Caity stiffened her resolve and her back and firmly repeated like a mantra in her mind that she could do this. She could Dave from her thoughts and personal life.