An Illicit Love

Chapter 14

Just before lunch time, Dave called and asked her to bring any correspondence for his authorisation as he was leaving early. Catie gathered the relevant letters, placed them firmly in a folder, told herself to be strong, and went to Dave's office. As she entered, he looked up from his PC and she took an involuntary step back. Ye great gods afrighty, his eyes looked more tortured than hers had looked while she had been colouring in the comics in front of the mirror this morning. Men, unfortunately, could not hide behind concealer, eye shadow and make up tricks that somewhat camouflaged imperfections the sleepless nights produced when needed.

Before she could control her traitor tongue, she asked softly “Dave,why are you acting like this? Why are you avoiding me?” Dave swallowed so hard she was sure his adam’s apple had dislodged. He didn’t answer, but his finger started rapping out an irritating little tune on his desk. When he didn’t answer, Catie added, ‘I thought you possessed the strength of character to at least tell me personally that we had made a mistake.”

Dave looked astounded. “Why on earth would you think that’s how I feel?” he asked. Was she wrong or did his voice sound as if he was trying unsuccessfully to swallow a handful of dry sand?

Catie decided to at least be honest, even if he couldn't be. “I taped the note you wrote and shredded back together, and I know how you feel.” Dave went a lighter shade of the pale he already was. “You did what?” he asked. “You had no right to do that. That was personal - I was trying to sort out my thoughts about you going on a cosy holiday with Kevin, and your son, and I needed to create distance between myself and you before it happened. I used words and terms which would sever the tie between us in order to save myself a lot of unnecessary hurt.”

Catie’s mouth hung open in surprise. “You mean you purposely tried to be negative and the letter didn’t really reflect how you feel? You tried to convince yourself all those things you wrote were true because of my having to go on holiday. Why on earth would you do something like that?” she asked. Then added a sincere apology for having invaded his privacy in the manner she did, but told him that it was that important for her to find our what had changed his behaviour towards her so suddenly and drastically. As Dave opened his mouth to reply, Wanda entered his office after a perfunctory knock on the door. Her eyes darted between the two of them, and Dave took the file from Catie, saying he would place it back on her desk when he was finished. Wanda had definitely noticed that something was up, Catie realised as she turned and left Dave’s office. Maybe she should not have asked Dave but she had been desperate, realising he was leaving early, and that another sleepless night of tossing and turning lay ahead.

Catie left Dave’s office not quite sure how she should be feeling. Half of her wanted to jump and sing, and the other half was puzzled that a man like Dave would feel the need to do something so pointless, as putting pen to paper in an effort to convince himself he was able to distance himself from her. Surely that meant that she did mean something to him? Catie tried to concentrate on her work for the next few hours, but it was not an easy task. Her mind whirled with her thoughts. When her inner voice, which she should have listened to, tried to convince her it was better to let it go as she had told herself she would, she purposely ignored it and allowed her heart to hope all was not lost. When she went home, she hugged Bryan more tightly than usual, as if to make up for her distracted presence that morning. She read an extra long bedtime story, and in the background, counted out the hours till she would once again see Dave the following day.