Alpha’s Pink Luna

Chapter 5: reflecting to not bleed

With the King’s last squealing words, he hopped off his stool, and the crowd erupted in cheers at both of our “declarations.” They left the room one by one, their excitement echoing down the golden halls.

Behind the crowd, the Queen Mother approached me, her perfume thick and floral, her glitter catching the last glimmers of light. She smiled gracefully as she interlocked her arm with mine and began guiding me down the corridor. Her steps were elegant but hurried, as though the world itself followed her rhythm.

In a hushed tone, she leaned close and said, “Now that we’re finally on the same page, I must tell you about your suitors—starting with Prince Alpha to be Cassian Gonzales.”

The name struck something in me. I felt Rose perk up immediately, her curiosity flaring like static inside my skull.

Of course she’s interested, I thought. The same wolf who lectures me about “self-care” suddenly wants to know who the hell Cassian is.

My sarcasm earned me an echoing growl that reverberated through my mind. Rose’s voice followed, sharp as thunder.

‘You do need to work on yourself,’ she snapped. ‘I’m doing what we need to survive, you rude, self-centered, uncultured swine. Or are you so delusional in not putting yourself important to work on yourself after what you have been through that you’d rather die again than follow suggestions?’

Her words hit me like a whip. The echo of her voice surrounded me until the physical world faded. Suddenly, I was inside my own mind — quiet, gray, endless. Rose had taken full control of my body outside, leaving me alone in this strange liminal space.

For a moment, I panicked. But then… I understood.

This was my time. My space.

She was out there, handling survival the way she knew from countless times in her lifetime, this was nothing new for her, she knew what was happening and knew how to handle it without being afraid of what if.

I was in here, I was expected to learn how to live.

I sat down on the plain, colorless ground, the texture soft like sand and smoke at once. Everything felt both empty and infinite. And in that silence, I began to think.

Rose was right. I had been reacting, surviving instead of surging to live. I’d let fear dictate everything—fear of dying, fear of failing, fear of being unloved.

I needed to stop.

I needed to breathe.

I started to think about why I’d been so afraid back then. My diagnosis had terrified me—it made me feel like my life had already ended before I even had a chance to live it.

Yes, I was on a waiting list for surgery, but instead of fighting back or trying to make the most of the time I had, what did I do? I ran to my dad. I went straight back into the chaos I’d tried to escape, hoping he’d suddenly be the parent I needed, when deep down I knew better.

If I had just taken that moment to breathe, to live—to find a reason to smile—I might’ve made different choices. Maybe I would’ve spent that day laughing instead of panicking. Maybe I would’ve sat there, eating my favorite ice cream, savoring every bite instead of throwing it away like it didn’t matter.

Because it did matter. My moments mattered. I just didn’t see it then.

The way I’d felt toward the women in the cabin—it hit me that it wasn’t just fear or anger. It was the same feeling I’d had when I went to my dad. That desperate, hollow hope that maybe this time someone would care enough to protect me. And just like that, I finally understood what Rose had been trying to tell me.

Almost nobody had ever been after me for me.

Not my dad, not my so-called family.

They all wanted something—obedience, help, forgiveness—but never me. Not the person beneath the exhaustion, the girl who still tried to be good even when the world around her wasn’t.

I hadn’t even told my mom what was happening before everything went wrong. I’d just… handled it on my own, because that’s what I’d always done. Pretend I was fine. Pretend I could fix it. Pretend that surviving meant being happy.

But maybe that was the problem.

Maybe I’d spent my entire life chasing people who never looked back, when I should’ve been learning to look forward for myself.

Was that what does women in the cabin saw too?

Maybe those girls in the cabin hadn’t meant to kill me. Maybe they were just trying to survive, too. Maybe they were desperate, trapped, scared—just like I had been.

The thought hurt more than I wanted to admit.

I’ll never know their reasons, but I can choose what to do with mine. They hurt my body, and took away my choice to make a difference in my life, but I got another chance—one most people never get.

That thought made me consider thinking about this life. What do I want out of this life for myself?

Because if I don’t decide that, then this rebirth means nothing, just like Rose said.

I’m tired—so deeply tired—but that’s on me. I let exhaustion win. I didn’t set boundaries. I gave too much to people who only took, hoping one day they’d give it back.

But maybe that’s my first lesson here:

No one’s going to save me.

Not even Rose.

Especially not Rose.

This time, I have to learn how to save myself.

Everything that makes me me will have to change if I’m really going to live in this new world. Something tells me they don’t have half the things I love—no comfy jeans, no sweet coffee, no endless streaming shows to distract me from my thoughts. The idea alone is depressing… but then again, there I go, thinking the worst before I even ask.

Before I look.

Before I even try.

And maybe that’s the problem—I’ve always given up before I started.

I took a deep breath. I have to start now.

‘Finally!’ Rose’s voice exploded in my head, making me jump out of my skin. ‘Now I can agree with you a hundred percent, Mishka!’

I flinched, hand over my heart, glaring at the empty space around me.

‘Look,’ she said, her tone softer now, ‘you won’t fix everything just by sitting here in your head. But you’ve taken the first step—and I can work with that. We can make things better, for both of us. But I need you to keep working on yourself, because you deserve it. We deserve it. A better future’s possible if we do this together.’

Her voice wavered with something almost human—hope. ‘And honestly,’ she added, ‘it’s even better when it’s your choice and not just my influence.’

I let out a long sigh, pressing my hand against my chest where my heart was still racing from her sudden outburst. “You’re going to give me a heart attack one day,” I muttered.

Rose chuckled softly in my mind. ‘Then I guess I’ll have to save us both, won’t I?’

Breathing through Rose’s cheap joke, I decided not to take the bait. She had her moments, but I wasn’t going to let her derail me this time. Maybe her humor was her way of keeping things light, but for once, I didn’t need laughter — I needed clarity.

I had a lot to process, a lot to fix, but maybe that also meant there was more to look forward to. Maybe if I kept working on myself — really working, not running, not hiding — I could learn to enjoy things again.

‘Yes, it will,’ Rose purred, a warm vibration in the back of my mind. ‘Now, I believe it’s time for you to come out. Depending on how you react, I’ll help guide you using what I’ve learned from the grand Queen Mother. All right?’

Her tone was calmer now, almost proud — a far cry from the sharp, commanding voice she’d used before.

I nodded, even though I wasn’t sure if she could see me. My heart felt steady but restless, the way it does when you’re standing at the edge of something new.

Then it happened.

The feeling of being pulled out of the quiet world inside my head was strange — like being tugged through invisible water. The comfort I’d been wrapped in began to fade, replaced by a sudden rush of air and light.

It reminded me of home.

The warm gusts that used to rise from the subway vents on summer evenings in New York. The smell of hot pavement and street food. The noise, the chaos, the life.

Back when I was human.

Back when everything felt simpler.

The memory hit me so hard it made my chest ache. I missed the sound of people arguing over nothing, the laughter spilling out of open windows, the way city lights reflected off rain puddles like tiny stars.

And yet… I was here.

My heart beat faster as the weight of this new body returned — heavier, stronger, more aware. I could feel the fabric of the gown brushing against my legs, the faint scent of perfume clinging to my skin, the hum of energy that belonged not just to me but to us.

Rose whispered, ‘Welcome back, little one. Let’s see how well you handle your destiny this time.’

I opened my eyes.

The glittering corridors of the palace came back into view, and with them, the sound of footsteps approaching — the Queen Mother’s, slow and deliberate, like she already knew I was ready to listen.