Regrets Part I

Brayden The First Week

The weekend is finally here! I managed to make it through a full week of freshman year without embarrassing myself or getting into trouble, what an accomplishment. I call Jackson's house.

"Hello?" Jackson's little brother picks up.

"Hey, can I speak to Jackson"

"Sure.... JACKSON!!!" he yells mostly into the speaker.

"Hello?" Jackson comes to the phone.

"Hey! Got any plans this weekend?"

"Yeah, I've got to help my dad with yardwork today and tomorrow"

"Bummer! I'm gonna go over to the school and shoot some hoops and I thought I'd see if you wanted to come with me."

"You and that basketball, do you sleep with it at night too?" he replies with a laugh. "Sorry man, not this weekend but maybe we can hook up for dinner tonight, does that work?"

"Sure, meet you down at the diner this afternoon, maybe around 5? I don't want to be out too late, got to get in an early morning work out tomorrow, I have to be ready for tryouts in October".

"Sounds good, see you there."

We hang up and I grab my basketball gear and head for the school.

I'm on the basketball court doing the thing I love most in the world. Jackson was right, I would play 24/7 if I could. I was hoping it would take my mind off of her. As I'm warming up, she's all I can think about. I try shooting a couple baskets and miss every one. "Man, I am so off my game today." I thought. After a few more attempts I give up. I put the ball away and go for a jog around the the football field, maybe this will help me blow off some steam.

Before I know it, it is already after 3. I grab my bag and jog all the way back home. I walk in the door and my siblings are fighting over the remote as usual. I roll my eyes and head upstairs to get in the shower. My parents travel a lot for work so they aren't around as much as I would like. My brother, sister, and I love each other but like typical siblings, we don't always get along. Being the oldest, I'm usually the one who has to be the referee. Not today, I figure they probably won't kill each other over this but you never know.

I get out of the shower, wrap my towel around me and head to my bedroom. I throw on a pair of shorts and a decent t-shirt, sit down on my bed and flick on the tv. I need to cool down some before heading over to meet Jackson. I flip through the stations but nothing catches my eye. I turn the TV off, grab my ball cap and head out the door. I know I'll be a few minutes early but I'll just grab us a table and hang out while I wait.

I get to the diner, find a nice seat outside, order a water, and wait for Jackson. I hear some giggling coming from another table across the way. I look over and it's her. She's sitting at the table with about a half dozen other girls, they look like they are in deep conversation. I can't believe it! I can't get away from her, she's everywhere. I'm frustrated but not mad, just being able to look at her makes me smile, even if I'll never get up the courage to actually talk to her. She flips her beautiful brown hair over her shoulders and listens to whatever the cheery girl is saying. They all look more dressed up than usual. I wonder where they are going, surely they aren't dressed up just for the diner. I sigh, maybe one day I'll be a part of her world.

Jackson arrives after a few minutes so I turn my attention to him. We order our burgers and fries and start digging in. Our conversation isn't boring but my mind keeps drifting back to her. I can still hear them talking in the background and I can't concentrate. I know without even looking that she's over there engaged in her conversation with her big beautiful eyes and flashing that gorgeous smile as she talks with the other girls. If only that smile was directed at me. Just once. I kick myself because I know I'll never deserve her. After dinner, Jackson and I say our goodbyes and part ways. I'm thankful for the walk home, it gives me a chance to think.

So many thoughts are running through my mind. I try to quiet them as I round the corner onto my street. If I can't calm my brain, I'll never get any sleep tonight. What's happening to me? I feel like I'm falling apart, like I'm losing control.