Lemons and Roses

Episode12

I didn’t move for a long time after I closed the door behind me.

My back pressed against it, I slid down slowly until I was sitting on the floor. The silence of my apartment felt heavier than usual, like it had weight now, like it is watching me.

My mind kept replaying the restaurant.

Brad’s face when I stood up. the way his voice had called my name. the cab pulling away.

I shut my eyes tightly, "this is why,” I whisper to myself. “This is why you don’t do this.”

I finally stood up after a while, walked to the bathroom, and turned the water on. I stayed under the shower longer than necessary, like I could wash away the feeling of embarrassment sitting in my chest. When I finish, I don't dry my hair properly. I just collapsed onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Brad’s voice kept echoing in my mind.

It would’ve been easier if I had never let myself believe I deserved softness in the first place. There and then I made a decision, stay away.

Protect him from the mess I'm carrying, protect myself from another trauma.

Morning came too fast, My phone was buzzing before I could even fully wake up, I blink at the screen.

20 missed calls.

10 messages.

Brad.

My chest tightened immediately, I hesitate before opening them.

Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? Rue, please respond. I just want to know you’re safe.

My throat tightened painfully. I sit up slowly, fingers trembling as she typed.

I’m sorry for leaving like that, I pause.

Then continued.

If you knew my past… you would reject me like everyone else eventually. I’m just saving you the stress of doing it yourself. Another pause.

My thumb hovered over the screen.

Then I add, please don’t look for me.

I pressed send, And immediately put my phone face down like it could burn me if I hold it longer.

Days passed, then weeks.

I buried myself in my online classes, treating them like structure, like safety. Something I can control. Something that didn’t ask questions about who I use to be.

Brad kept calling at first, I never answered.

Then the calls slowed, but they never fully stopped.

Zia noticed, One evening, she sat across from me with narrowed eyes. I guess she couldn't ignore it any longer.

“You’re avoiding him.”

I didn’t look up from my laptop. “I’m focusing on myself.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Silence.

Zia leaned forward slightly. “Rue… he didn’t do anything wrong.”

My fingers paused over the keyboard.

“I know,” I said quietly.

“Then why are you pushing him away?”

I finally look up, because people always leave when they know.

But I didn’t say that.

Instead, I said, “I’m not ready for a relationship.”

Zia frowned. “That’s fine. But you don’t have to cut him off completely.”

I shut my laptop gently. “I need to work on myself first.”

Zia studied me for a long moment, then sighed. “Just… don’t close yourself off completely, okay?”

I didn’t answer.

Months passed.

Life didn’t become perfect, but it became manageable.

I eventually found work at a small grocery store near my apartment. The owner is a widowed elderly Asian woman, "Mrs Chin". She speaks softly and moves slowly but treated me with a quiet kindness that doesn't demand anything in return.

“You help people well,” Mrs Chin says one afternoon. “Stay longer.”

I blinked. “Stay?”

“Work as my manager,” she said simply. “ I'm getting old and I don't have kids. I need someone I can trust with the shop while I go back to Asia.”

I hesitate for a bit, "I'm not sure I'm qualified for the position of a manager. As you already know, I didn't graduate highschool.

I know everything about your past, child. If you're willing to move forward, there's no need to look backwards.

I look at her with glistening eyes, then nodded.

It isn't glamorous. It isn't life-changing.

But it is steady, and steady feels safe.

For a while, it worked.

Until the day everything cracked open again.

It was a normal afternoon at the shop. Quiet customers, soft music, the smell of fresh bread and soap.

I was restocking shelves when I heard it.

A voice.

“Wait… aren’t you her?”

I pause, slowly turn.

A man was standing near the counter, phone in his hand, eyes locked on me like he had been waiting for this moment.

“Yeah,” he said louder now, stepping closer. “It’s you.”

I frown slightly. “I think you’re mistaken.”

But something in my stomach tightened instantly.

The man scoffed. “No way. I remember you. Hillcrest town. You’re the girl who killed that boy.”

The words hit like ice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said quickly, turning back to the shelves.

But he wasn’t done.

“Oh my God,” he said, pulling out his phone. “It’s actually you. You’re working here like nothing happened?”

My breath started to shorten, he began filming.

“This is insane,” he continued loudly. “This woman murdered someone in high school. People like her shouldn’t be allowed in public places.”

Customers started turning, whispers spread.

My hands tightened around the shelf.

“Stop,” I said firmly.

He laughed. “Why? Did you escape prison or something? Shouldn’t you be locked up for life?”

Something inside me snapped, I turn fully now, my voice rising.

“Yes,” I said sharply. The store went quiet.

“I killed somebody.”

The man blinked, surprised I responded.

My breathing grew uneven, words spilling faster now.

“I came home from school and found my sister being choked to death by her abusive boyfriend,” I said voice shaking. “I panicked. I hit him. And he died.” My hands trembling.

“I’ve spent years carrying that moment. Years,” I repeated, louder now. “But that’s all anyone ever sees.” My voice cracks.

“Should it have been my sister instead?”

Gasps filled the store.

Tears blurred my vision, but I keep going.

“I just wanted to protect her. That’s all I did.”

My chest tightened violently.

“I just want a normal life. I just want to move forward. Zia is my only family and I couldn’t let her die.”

A tear slipped down my face, I wipe it quickly, but my breathing is already breaking.

People are filming now, whispers everywhere.

“Is she serious?” “She admitted it…” “Is she dangerous?”

My vision starts to spin. My hands shaking harder.

I can't breathe properly, panic surged violently through my body.

“I can’t—” I gasped, stepping back. “I can’t do this.” Then I turn and run.

Outside, the air hit me like a shock, but it didn’t help.

My breathing was coming out in pants, uneven. My vision blurring at the edges as I stumble onto the sidewalk.

I felt like people were still talking behind me, phones still pointed. The world felt too loud, too close, too heavy.

I kept walking without direction, each step unstable. Then I reach the crosswalk.

The light is green, cars moving and then I see it.

A truck approaching, fast.

Too fast, My feet slowing without my permission.

Everything around me dulled, the noise fading.

For a brief moment, a single thought rose above everything else.

If I step forward… it ends.

No more whispers, no more fear, no more running. I stand there, frozen.

Watching the truck come closer and closer.