The Boy I Loved In Silence

The hallway collision

I arrived at New York Montessori School and called George right away to let him know I had landed. He seemed more excited about my arrival than I was, if that was even possible, and when he came to pick me up from the airport, he was so happy that he ran toward me and swept me up into a hug before I could even set down my bags. I had missed him too. It had been almost six months since we'd last seen each other, and it felt strange and wonderful to finally be standing in front of him again instead of just hearing his voice through a phone.

He caught me up on everything we had missed during the time we had been apart, talking the entire drive as though he were trying to fit six months into six minutes. When we reached the girls' dormitory, he couldn't come inside with me since boys weren't allowed past the entrance, so he said goodbye at the door and promised to check on me later.

I walked in and saw the matron standing near the front desk. I greeted her warmly, expecting her to be just as kind as she looked, but to my surprise, she answered in a sharp, dismissive tone. It stung a little, but I brushed it off and told myself I was probably overthinking it.

"You must be one of the new students," she said, studying me.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm Jenna Williams," I answered.

She cut me off almost before I finished speaking. "That's enough. You talk too much. Follow me."

I fell silent immediately and followed her down the hall. She showed me to my room, handed me my key, and rattled off the dormitory rules: keep my door locked at all times, always know where my roommates were, and never be caught with drugs or anything s****l in nature such as vibrators and other similar items and under no circumstance was I to be caught with a boy in my room.

I felt genuinely confused by the warning. I didn't understand why she felt the need to say all of that to me. I wasn't raised that way. I didn't do drugs, and I certainly wasn't interested in anything like that. I didn't even have a boyfriend, let alone someone who would show up at my dorm. I couldn't imagine why she assumed I needed to hear any of it, especially at a school of this caliber, but apparently I was wrong to assume that.

Once she left, I stepped into my room and began unpacking, arranging my things exactly where I wanted them. When I finished, I texted George everything the matron had said and how rudely she had treated me. He laughed it off and told me to brace myself, because I was about to meet plenty of people who would fall far short of my expectations. I didn't understand why anyone would choose to be so unkind to someone they had just met, but I figured I would find out soon enough.

That night I went to sleep, and the next morning I woke up to my roommate barging into the room, asking why I was still in bed at that hour. I sat up quickly and started washing my face, waiting for her to step out so I could change and get ready for the bathroom, but she didn't leave. She stood there watching me hesitate and then laughed, telling me this was a girls' dorm and I might as well get used to changing in front of other girls.

I had never been comfortable with that, and I didn't plan on starting now. But when I made my way to the bathroom, I found almost everyone there completely naked, entirely unbothered, as though being girls together erased any need for privacy. I wasn't nearly as comfortable with that as they were, and when I tried to step inside, I realized the showers were shared, with at least three girls bathing together at once.

I couldn't bring myself to do it. That wasn't how I was raised. I lingered by the sink, pretending to take my time brushing my teeth, until most of the girls had finished bathing, and then I rushed in and showered as quickly as I could. By the time I got back to my room to get dressed for school, I had lost so much time that I had to rush to make it there at all.

While hurrying down the hallway and checking my phone for my class schedule, I collided with someone, someone very tall. I was already in a bad mood from everything that had happened that morning, and bumping into a stranger on top of it did nothing to help, but there was no reason for me to be rude, so I apologized right away. When I looked up, I was stunned to see it was Carlton Fernandez standing in front of me.

For a moment I completely lost my train of thought. I didn't know whether to smile or apologize again, so I simply repeated myself and said I was sorry. He snapped back instantly.

"Watch where you're going," he said coldly.

I was so shocked by his tone that before I could stop myself, the words were already out of my mouth. "You should watch where you're going too. If you had, you wouldn't have bumped into me."

He looked at me with wide eyes, as if no one had ever spoken to him that way before. Before he could respond, another student, a stunning blonde girl who carried herself as though she owned the entire school, looped her arm through his.”"Watch where you're going, new girl," she said, and walked off with Carlton, her arms folded around his as though claiming him in front of me.

I stood frozen in the hallway, stunned. I watched them disappear down the hallway, my chest tightening with disappointment. For years, I'd imagined meeting Carlton Fernandez. Never, not even once, had I imagined our first conversation would end with him calling me clumsy. Since arriving at this school, almost everyone I had met, except George, had been rude to me in one way or another, and even Carlton, the one person I had built up in my mind for years, had turned out to be no different.