Over the Mountain

CHAPTER 31: AMNESIA

CHAPTER 31: AMNESIA

I groaned when I felt pain all over my body. I slowly opened my eyes a bright color of white welcomes me. I hear noises around me, and I felt people moving around me until someone held and enlarge my eyes as light flashes. Noises around me slowly toned down and my eyesight finally adjusted to the bright color of white. Then suddenly, someone grabs and hold my hands.

“Princess…” someone whispers and I could hear the familiar voice. “Can you…can you hear me, princess?”

My eyes darted at the middle-aged man in front of me. The man who’s holding my hand. “D-Dad…”

My dad broke in tears as he hugs me. I don’t know why he’s crying. And I don’t know what’s happening. Why there’s a doctor, a nurse and why I am in a hospital? Hindi ba’t dapat ay nasa silid ako at nag-eempake ng aking mga gamit dahil lilipat na kami ng bahay? Dad and Mom told me that we will be going to move into my grandparents’ house. Bakit nandito kami ngayon sa hospital?

And why I am having a hard time in speaking? Bagaman nahihirapan ay sinikap kong magtanong kang Daddy kung bakit kami nasa hospital at kung bakit ang sakit ng katawan ko at ulo. Lalo akong naguluhan ng makita ang reaksyon ni Daddy. Hindi siya nakasagot at tsaka na lamang siya tinawag ng doctor palabas. At bumalik lamang sila pagkatapos ng ilang minuto.

“Nauuhaw ka ba, anak?” tanong ni Daddy ng makabalik na siya sa room ko.

“W-Where’s Mommy?” I ask. “And why are we here, dad?”

Dad swallowed hard and held his tears. “Anak, I will answer all your questions once you get better, okay? For now, rest, princess,”

I still have a lot of questions because I’m confused but Dad’s eyes were begging. So, I nod at him and followed what he said. I lay down again and I immediately fall asleep. When I woke up, I was still in the hospital, still being checked, and then the nurse changed the bandage on my head. I slowly raise my hand to touch the bandage and a pang of pain slap my heart. My brows went straight but I remain my mouth shut.

We stayed in the hospital for about weeks because told me that I am still under supervision. But when the doctor said that I can finally go home, that’s only when Dad brought me home. I was almost startled when I stand up beside dad and our height almost didn’t differ. That’s when I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Dad,”

“Princess,” Dad calls back.

“What really happened?” I straightly ask. “Why I am a big girl now? Bakit nagising akong nasa hospital na? Hindi po ba’t luluwas pa lang po tayo patungo sa Davao, sa bahay nila lola?”

Dad sighs as he starts the engine. “You are twenty-three now, princess.”

“Twenty-three?” I violently reacted.

Dad sighs again. “I want to be honest and answer all your questions, princess. But it might affect your head,”

“My head,” I repeated.

“You have an amnesia, princess,” Dad reveals that shut me.

Hindi ko inaasahan ang sinabi ni Daddy. Natulala na lamang ako sa kaniyang sinabi. If I am twenty-three and the memory that I only remember was way back when I was still twelve years old. That means, I forgot my memory for decades ago. How? I mean, paano nangyari ang lahat? Hindi ako nakuntento sa maiksing sagot ni Daddy kaya naman ay nagtanong muli ako. Inalam ko ang lahat ng kasagutan sa mga tanong ko at tsaka ko na lamang natagpuan ang sarili kong nakatulala sa aking bintana, nakatingin sa bundok na maganda. At may kung anong alon ang dumamba sa aking puso.

Dad didn’t hesitate to answer all my questions after we got home earlier. Kasama niya si lol ana sumagot sa lahat na katanungan ko. At katulad ng sinabi ng doktor sa kaniya, too much forgotten memories or information will trigger my head trauma. Sumakit man ang aking ulo ay hindi ako huminto. Ayokong dumating ang panibagong umaga na wala akong kaalam-alam sa mga nangyayari sa paligid ko. Para akong batang naghahanap ng ina kanina pero iyon pala…iyon pala ay wala na si Mommy. Iniwan na niya kami at gaya ko ay naaksidente rin siya. Naaksidente siya habang patungo sa airport dahil luluwas siya pa-Maynila para bisitahin ako.

Maging si lolo ay matagal na rin palang nawala. Iniwan na rin niya kami. At ayon pa sa kanila ay sa Manila ako tumira ng kay tagal. And this is only the time that I come back.

“Apo,” untag ni lola na hindi ko man lang naramdamang pumasok sa aking kwarto.

“Lola,”

Ngumiti siya akin. “Huwag mo munang pagurin ang iyong isipan, apo. Ayon sa doktor ay hindi magandang pini-pwersa mo ang iyong isipan. Lahat naman ng bagay na pinipilit ay hindi maganda. Kaya ipahinga mo muna ang iyong isipan.”

“Pero lola, wala akong maalala ni isa,”

“Hindi na importante iyon. Sa ngayon, ang kailangan mong gawin ay magpahinga at magpalakas,”

Gusto kong tumanggi ngunit tila mayroon sa kalooban ko ang nagtutulak sa akin na huwag tumanggi at sumunod na lamang. Na para bang kapag hindi ako sumunod ay isang malaking kasalanan iyon. Kaya naman ay tumango na lang ako kay lola at tsaka na naghanda sa paghiga. Kusa na lamang gumalaw ang aking kamay para pigilan siyang tumayo ay umalis sa silid. And then I ask her to accompany me as I sleep.

The feeling is to deep as grandma hugs me. It is deep and familiar. Hindi ko naman nais pero kusa na lamang tumulo ang aking luha ng maalala na wala na si Mommy. At na hindi ko man lang maalala ang buhay ko sa nakalipas na mga taon. Hindi ko maalala kung ano ang itsura ni Mommy sa nakalipas na taon at kung ano ang mga pinagagawa ko. Kung bakit sa Manila ako tumira at hindi rito gayong kay ganda ng lugar. Wala akong maalala at pakiramdam ko ay napalaking parte ng buhay ko ang nawala kasabay ng pagkawala ng alaala ko. Pero kaakibat niyon ay ang isang pakiramdam ko na hindi ko pangalanan. Isang pakiramdam na tila pamilyar pero hindi ko alam.

Sa loob ng isang linggo ay wala akong ibang ginawa kundi busugin ang aking mata sa ganda ng bundok. Si Tita Ria at si lola lamang ang madalas kong kasama habang si Daddy ay paminsan-minsan lang umuuwi at namamalagi ng buong araw. Madalas ay nasa station siya at nagtra-trabaho. Hindi rin naiwasan ni lola na sabihing ang uri ng trabaho ni daddy ay nais ko rin simula pa lang noon. Ngumiti na lamang ako dahil wala naman akong maalala na sinabi ko iyon.

“Wala ka pa rin bang naaalala?” tanong ni Tita Ria.

“Wala pa rin, Tita,”

Tita Ria smiled at me. “Don’t lose hope. Time will come and your memories will come back.”

“But I am having a tension between myself, Tita.”

“About what?”

“About my lost memories. I can’t help but ask myself. Do I deserve to still remember my lost memories?”

Tita Ria caress my hair. “Everyone deserves to remember what they have forgotten. Especially memories. Because memories play a big part in every human’s life.”

“What if my memories years ago weren’t…good?”

“Good or not, you deserve to remember it, Sielan. Paano kung ang nakalimutan mong mga alaala pala ang nagbigay o magbibigay sa’yo ng malalaking aral sa buhay? Hindi mo gustong malaman kung sino ang mga taong naging parte ng buhay mo na nagturo at nagparanas sa’yo ng bagay-bagay?” I bit my lower lip. A wave on unknown feelings collided in my heart. “Huwag mong piliting makaalala, Sielan. Dahil hindi maganda na pinipilit mo ang isang bagay.”

I nod at Tita Ria and unconsciously, I look at the mountain. Ang bundok na tanaw na tanaw lamang mula sa kung nasaan ang aming bahay. And every time I look at the sunset, a wave of emotions keeps coming. Every time I stare at the sunrise, a strange feeling pangs my heart. And every time I watch the mountain from afar, a stunning feeling embraces my heart. As if something is luring me inside the mountain. But I also have this feeling that is pulling me away to step inside the mountain—scared of unknown reasons. But when Dad told me something after months of recovering, a tug of emotion comes into my heart.

“You will work on the station and be one of the forest rangers, Sierra.”