Lies Written by the Stars

Worries

Chapter 8: Worries

CHRIS's POV

"Chris, can I talk to you for a second?"

I look behind me and I saw Raph.

"What is it?" I wonder what he wants.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern evident in his voice.

My brows furrowed at his question. I didn't expect that, coming from him. I mean we are good friends, but we barely talk about ourselves.

"What? What do you mean? Of course I am." I tried to say in a light manner.

"Chris..." He trailed.

"Raph, if you're pertaining to what happened that night. I think no one is going to be able to move on about that this fast." I just want this talk to be over already.

I'm not ready.

"Can I at least come visit?" He asked reluctantly.

With that I sighed, "Fine." I agreed. "But only once, I really don't want much of a company." I added.

He sat on the the table near him. "At least let someone be there for you."

I leaned by the window in our classroom. Looking outside.

"What's the point? I think nobody is going to understand anyway how it feels." I looked at him.

"Why does this always happen to me Raph? Why does it feel like I'm always losing something special?" I smiled weakly.

"Nevermind." I shook my head. "I think you should be worried more about Elle. I think she doesn't remember what really happened that night." I tell him.

"She doesn't." He answered briefly.

So I was right.

"How long have you known?" I asked, masking my surprise. Even though, I've been having suspicions for a while now.

"Liz told me when they got home from the hospital. The doctor said she might be in shock and that it may be a coping mechanism." He explained briefly.

And then he asked, "Are you not going to tell Liz and Elle about you?"

"Are you not going to tell Elle what really happened?" I retorted.

"Good point." Raph said. "But Chris? Are you telling us the truth about that night? Or is it Elle who's hiding to us about what really happened?"

This time, I wasn't able to hide my surprise.

"Don't get me wrong. I want to believe you. But there's just some things that doesn't add up. And I don't blame you. I just think that you might be in the same state as she is." He explained.

"What? You mean in shock?" I laughed incredulously. I can't believe this.

I stood up and walked towards Raph.

"I'm going to answer you real honest here. I'm not okay. Okay? I'm just trying to hide what I'm feeling because I don't need any more pity. I had enough coming from my family." I stopped when I was in front of him already. "But I am not in shock. I would never deny what happened to me that night because I perfectly know that it was my fault. And I would never lie to anybody about it. In fact, I don't think somebody can ever lie about something like that. I have a heart, Raph. In case you don't remember."

With the anger in the words that I have shown, all Raph did was place his hand in my shoulder and looked at me in the eye.

"It is not your fault. And I am going to repeat it to you over and over again, if that is how much it will take for you to accept it. It is not your fault, Chris." He repeated again.

I can't accept his words.

I swatted his hand in my shoulder. It's not my fault? How is he asking me then if I am actually telling the truth. I looked down on my shoe.

"I was not asking you if you are in shock. That was not the state of your minds that I was talking about."

I looked up to him again. "Then what?" I asked.

"I think, both of you is just as clueless as we are on what really happened. Something else is missing. Don't you think so?" He asked.

I do. But I wasn't going to tell him that I feel like I don't belong here anymore, and that I think I might be losing some things in my head.

"I do." I don't want to lie to anybody.

"But I hope you will just let me be on my own for awhile now Raph. I just need time, just like how you guys are giving it to Elle." I added.

"I understand. We're here Chris. Please don't ever forget that. You are not alone." He assured me. "And Chris?" He asked pointedly.

"Don't worry. I won't tell Elle. At least not now." I smiled weakly.

She has to know, sooner or later. She has to deal with it. I saw Raph nod. I know he understands what I mean.

"Okay. You look like a real hero earlier, huh. And her blood in your hands, that's a really good way to put it." Raph said in a joking manner. Trying to uplift the mood.

"Well, I'm just cool that way. Don't you think?" With that, we laughed.

We have never had this kind of talk. Ever since when we became friends. I think this might be the first time. I didn't think that this was ever possible before anything that has happened.

We talked a little more about some things that we usually talk about. Like, how funny Liz looks when she licks an ice cream. Or how Elle by the end of the quarter, computes the number of absences she can get without getting kicked out of the school because she had already finished her clearance.

And of course, how sometimes we all just cut classes without the teacher ever noticing. Just hanging out by the auditorium with him playing in the piano and us there, ruining his piece.

"It's so funny how we all have done silly things without getting caught." I said.

"Well, maybe we look so innocent we just get away with it." Raph said jokingly.

I looked at my watch. I have to go home.

Raph noticed me looking at my watch and when I looked at him. He nodded. So I smiled at him reassuringly.

"I'll see you later then?" I tell him.

His expression changed, lighter and surprised. "Okay." He smiled.

I guess when people wants to be concerned to us, we just have to let them. Let your friends be your friends especially when you need them the most.

With that, I started walking towards the door. I think he's waiting for his practice time for his organization. When I opened the door, I looked back at him. He has his back at me, still sitting by the desk and watching the sun fall from the window.

"Raph." He looked at me.

Then I turned my back at him and before going out I said, "Thank you."

It's really been weird since the last few days. A lot has been going on and a lot of questions is to be answered. And with the things that has happened, I'm glad we can take the time to look back and of course, have a talk like this.

I may not know everything right now, and I'm not sure what I will find out, but I can already say this...

I'm grateful.