Lies Written by the Stars

Disaster

Chapter 13: Disasater

ELLE’S POV

“I was attending my dad’s funeral.”

I was completely taken aback by what he said, my eyes and mouth widen in pure shock.

Then I felt it, a pang of pain in my heart.

I placed my left hand over my chest. I can’t breathe.

My heart aches so much. It hurts.

I look at Chris’s retreating back, holding my mom’s arm using my right hand.

She is soothing me. But I can’t feel or hear anything.

Is she talking to me?

I struggled to catch my breath.

Chris has passed through the living room.

He is walking away, again.

Then an image flashed in my head, making me cough.

Chris…

“Don’t.” He said.

Tears start to blur my vision.

Don’t what? I held my head, looking down and closing my eyes.

I lost my grip on my mom’s arm, but she caught me.

Now I feel myself lose more of my strength.

“Don’t…” I whispered between gasps.

I looked at Chris as he stopped by the door, holding the knob.

I inhaled.

“Don’t…” I said again, inaudibly.

As Chris continued to open the door, I still struggle to find my voice.

And with every breath I have left in my system and with the strength left my body, I pleaded.

“Don’t… go.” A tear fell down from my eye.

The last thing that I saw was his back, and the door closing behind him as I feel myself falling; falling in a deeper darkness than I was before and for the first time since Chris started walking away- I heard my mom’s voice.

“ELENTIYA!!!”

Then I feel my body hit the ground, the darkness consuming me.

“… trying to help, but please do not force it.”

I woke up from the sound of my mom’s voice. I think she is talking to someone outside. She sound upset though.

Not having the energy to talk or call her yet, I looked at where I am.

Looking at the ceiling, I saw a carving of star and a droplight from its center.

I am in my room.

Roaming my eyes around, I looked at right side at my vanity mirror in the middle of my cabinet. There, I saw a basin and a towel.

I touched my head. The towel must have been placed in my forehead because I can still feel the cold water in my hair.

Feeling my energy return, I slowly raised myself from the bed and sat down to lean my back at the head rest.

I sighed.

I fainted, again. Only this time, my mom was there and she witnessed everything.

I closed my eyes, pulling my knees and hugging myself.

I suddenly felt the urge to cry.

I placed my head in between my knees and I felt the heat on my eyes as tears started to form.

I didn’t want to my mom to be alarmed; I know she’s just outside, waiting for me to wake up.

But I can’t bear the heaviness of it anymore. My tears started falling.

So I let it go; crying silently.

I think about the roof top, the confusion, the people who hate me, and the people who care for me.

I hiccupped in tears.

Why is this so hard? I only wanted answers. But now, I am dealing with everybody’s feelings and attention. It’s too overwhelming.

I covered my mouth as I to avoid the noise from coming out.

It hurts.

I feel myself starting to change. I’m no liar, but I have been lying to everybody since the party. I hate people who hide the truth from me, but I have been hiding things from my best friend and my mother. I told myself I would never hurt back the people who hurt me, but I just did that a while ago.

Chris. I gasped for air as I continue to cry.

Everything hurts, God.

Why does this keep on happening to me? Why am I like this? Is something wrong with me?

They say that the most painful cry is the one you don’t hear.

I guess it’s true. I sobbed quietly.

Because it breaks you inside, and I can feel myself breaking; my heart feels like a glass, shattering in to pieces.

I closed my eyes, feeling the headache coming in.

Then I heard the door open, my mom.

I didn’t raise my head; I know she knows I’m crying.

But just like what she always does when I cry, she stays. She sat beside me in my bed and pulled me towards her.

This time, I did not stop myself anymore from making any sound. I cried on her chest. Like a child. Sobbing fast and catching my breath.

I hold my heart in my chest, trying to stop it from hurting. I want to take it out; I slammed my chest a couple of times before my mom held my hand.

I cried and I cried to her. Pouring out everything I have been feeling, the pain, the hurt, the anger, the confusion and most of all, the guilt.

I should not have asked that. I cried.

“It hurts, mom.”

“Please just take it out.”

“I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

“Please.”

My mom doesn’t say anything; she just cooed and caressed my back - hugging me tight and never letting go.

When my mom felt like I have calmed down a little, she stood up and grabbed the bowl and glass of water by the table.

“Drink this.” She said.

And I did. Then she gave me the glass of water for me to hold.

“I cooked some porridge.” She said as she sat beside me again.

“Here, let me?” She asked.

I nodded. Feeling like a child, but not caring anymore, because I do not have enough strength to argue with anyone.

“I have talked to your adviser; I told him that you won’t be able to attend classes tomorrow.” She said, as she raised the spoon towards me.

I opened my mouth and ate the porridge. Feeling the heat as it went down my throat.

“I’m sorry.” My mom said.

I shook my head, opening my mouth as I take another bite of the porridge.

“It’s not your fault mom.” I said in a rasped voice.

My mom looked at me with her sad eyes. I can’t bear it so I looked away and drank the water from the glass I am holding.

Then she said, “I am responsible for everything that is happening to you, you know.” She whispered.

I shook my head again.

“Mom, you can’t take the blame for everything. If there’s anything that you are at fault at, it’s that you raised me strong enough to handle things in my own way.” I explained.

She sighed. “But you have to remember that it is completely okay to ask for help.” She said with a tone in her voice.

“I know mom, and I am sorry. I’m still learning things mom, sometimes, life just teaches it the hard way.” I whispered.

She kissed my forehead. “You have to rest, okay?”

“Okay mom.” I assured her.

“Do you want me to sleep over here?” She teased, standing up and taking the bowl and glass of water with her.

I showed her a small smile. “I’m not a child, mom. I will be fine.”

“Aw, my baby girl has grown up already.” She wiped the leftover food on my lips.

Feeling the lightness, I shook my head at her, showing her a little smile. After seeing that, she went to walk away, but before she can go out of the door I called her again.

“Mom?” I uttered.

“Hmm?” She looked back at me.

“Thank you.” I said sincerely.

I saw a flash of emotion in my mother’s eye but I can’t quite pinpoint it.

Then she smiled and said, “Just like always, love.”

“Just like always.” I replied.