Fallen In Love With My Twin - Confession

Chapter 4 - Missing him already

I heard the knock on the door, and I already chose the movie "The mortal instruments" Merlin said she will watch anything I choose. So it's her decision, now she have to watch it with me. I like the fiction movies. She is standing there with red wine and a huge smile that tells she wants to get wasted tonight. I welcomed her and she gave me a face "you didn't choose this movie". I laughed and reminded her, she agree to watch whatever I choose. After 10 mins, we got the pepper barbecue chicken and extra cheesy veggie paradise. We started eating pizza while watching the movie and my phone buzzes. It's from Jack.

"Hey, have you reached?" I asked. He said "yes having dinner here with colleagues, what about you?"

"Merlin is with me, having pizza for dinner and have wine to drink and booze" I chirped.

He laughed, "okay, just don't drink a lot, you have office tomorrow if you planning on more drink then took off tomorrow and let your hangover eats you" he said.

"Not planning on drinking" I said plainly.

"Whatever, sleep well. I'm already missing you"

"I missing you too" badly than you know I said in my head.

And within that the call was ended, Im back to the movie and pizza, Merlin was commenting on each and every scene. Sometimes about how beautiful lily Collins is and sometimes about how handsome Jamie is and how can't a girl can't fell in love with him even he is her brother. I felt that I'm in love with my brother is not wrong too. But before what she said.

"But it is pathetic that you have fallen for your brother because you shouldn't be with him."

I have read all the mortal instruments books and I said, "he wasn't her brother, even so, you just can't help you who fell in love with".

She already emptied half of the bottle so I have to pluck the bottle from her and hide it behind the couch.

She is already drunk and drunk talking.

Was she always like this when she drunk? is there a way to shut mouth, she is more talkative than I thought she would. And she said she wanted to drink until she forgets herself and her cheesy boyfriend who cheated on her. She fought with me for the bottle and grasp it from me and drank the other half in a one go. On my gosh. She started blabbering about her ex-boyfriend and she wants to have a nice ass boyfriend than him and wants to go to the art shop he is working and show him that he is a piece of shift and without him her life happy and peaceful. It doesn't stop there, she goes on, on and on from the high school boyfriend to the last one. I couldn't help but laugh and she asked: "Was it funny?".I shook my head and said "no".

"Well, you can say it if you feel it. I won't be offended. I myself finding funny for everything I had. And that's why I'm still smiling maybe" I can see the hurt in her voice.

I hugged her side as I sit facing her side and said "you just didn't meet the one who you love, one day you will find and you won't let go."

She laughed, "have you met yours?".

Yes, I did, actually, I was born with him. And that's the exact reason I can't have him.

"No, but I will one day" I lied.

She was so drunk and I helped on her feet and let her lied on my bed. I won't let her drive this drunk and not to trust anyone too as she already wasted. I removed her shoe as she lies on the bed, I don't want my bed get dirty. And I put the shoes near on the floor where her feet will be when she wakes up.

Now I have to sleep in Jack's room not that I don't want to. Actually I'd love to sleep in his bed in his room when he is in there. But it's just empty. Unlike my room, his room is filled with tech books and pictures of us and with my little brother and our family. But mostly us. His room is simple with white-based steel blue color curtains and bedcover. I opened his wardrobe to find his t-shirt I could sleep in. As I drag my fingers from top to bottom, I saw his worn black t-shirt was still laying on the computer. I took it. I removed my pajama and slipped into the bathroom to take a shower. After I dried myself with his towel, usually I don't like sharing anything including towels, dress, and blanket. But I have always want Jack's, I slipped his t-shirt on me, letting the familiar mint and the honey smell fills me in and out. Just thought of him turning me on, setting me on fire. I hugged the t-shirt as I hugged him, yesterday memory flashes in my mind. I cleaned the little mess he made in the lower cupboard and arranged all the books on the shelves in order knowing he wants me to do. After everything I have placed where it belongs and felt satisfied I left his room to take my diary and pen from my drawer. I write briefly about the day and set on the side table.

I took a random book from his shelf which is not technical but not a novel though it says "The Great Gatsby" which we have read it in high school I don't know why he keeps it. I went to take the next one "The Republic" by Plato. I popped myself in bed with the book and I started reading.

After a while my phone rang, I attend the call without looking at the caller ID.

"Still up?, I thought you have already slept"

I turned to check the time is 12:08 AM, I must have lost track of time while reading, "I was reading a book and time passed, what are you still doing at late night? Don't you have a meeting tomorrow?" I questioned back

"I couldn't sleep so I called you I thought you might sleep. I would have ended the phone if you didn't take it on 5th ring"

"What keeps you up?."

Without a beat he said "You."

I was stunned by his reply, I tried to compose words anything to say but I couldn't, part of me begs him to feel for me. Part of me happy that he can't stop thinking about me.

"I was just worried as you are with Merlin and getting drunk. I know you said not planning on drinking. I want to make sure you are okay. Not getting drunk and remembering childhood and go hit the doorbell of neighbors and causing trouble"

All my hopes went down to the ground, I sighed "well, then you don't have to worry, I didn't drink, and damn sure I didn't ring any neighbors doorbell, and pretty sure I'm not SEVEN." I practically yelled at him and not like the way he treated me as a child. I'm 21 years old and I know how to take care of me and definitely not going to ring the doorbell.

"I'm sorry, I just miss you that's all" he said. "especially your food" he added.

"Well, I'm missing you too. It took nearly 2 hours to clean the s**t you left here".

He laughed, "I remember left it clean, my bed was already made, I even threw trash in the trash can and I let my t-shirt on the chair for easy access."

We talked about an hour, joking and making fun of everyone everything, I yawn and my eyelids become too heavy I can't keep myself up even I want it so badly.