The Mute Girl

Erin

Thursday, 08 March 2018

Afternoon

The day has arrived. The day of Brianna Moore's funeral. Wherever your gaze wanders to, you will see people dressed in black, their expressions glum and their postures slacked. It's as if someone has put a bane in our town- the bane of sadness. And will you look at the irony of the situation? The same girl who made every other person in the town happy till just a few days ago, today became the cause of their collective grief. Now that I think of it, Brianna was like a dark hole for this town. She sucked the very light out of it, and as she went away, left behind just the darkness.

Thick, black clouds were overcasting the cemetery, over the heads of countless people who had arrived to attend the funeral of Brianna- most of them who didn't even know her. It looked like nature itself was mourning her death.

Standing around her grave in the first circle were only Brianna's relatives and close friends as she herself lay six feet under the ground in her casket. Her mother, Rosalind was clutching her chest and I could see the pain of losing her only child clearly in her misty eyes. I saw Brianna's cousins and uncles and aunts standing with gloomy expressions, their expressions defeated. I also saw her boyfriend and best friends in the circle, clutching each other's hands as tears ran down their cheeks.

And then there was me. Standing alongside her family and friends. A blank look on my face as I held on Rosalind, so she doesn't fall.

The pastor standing right in the middle of this circle and besides Brianna's grave then said, "Give her, O'Lord, your peace and let your eternal light shine upon her."

"Amen," the crowd mumbled.

Starting with a crying Rosalind, everyone proceeded on to throw earth on Brianna's grave with the shovel that was laying on the side of her grave and said their final goodbyes. I, however, just stood by Rosalind's side as she cried silently while taking condolences from the people.

As soon as I saw Devin's slumped form coming towards us, I turned to Rosalind. "Do you mind if I leave now," I signed. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

She smiled sadly at me and shook her head. "I don't, honey. You've already done so much. I can't ask you for more. It won't be fair to you. Go ahead. I'll be fine."

I kissed her cheek. "I'll visit you later."

And without looking back, I started making my way out of the cemetery. I heard Devin's voice calling me but I ignored it and sped walked towards my car.

I can't talk to him. Not now. Especially not now.

Evening

I was laying in my bed, staring up at the cracks in the ceiling of my room, my mind thinking a million things a time. I thought about Brianna's lifeless body in the grave. I thought about Rosalind's pained face. I thought about Devin and Mackenzie and Kyle. Only one thought, however, seemed to have lodged itself permanently in my head. What should I do now? I don't want to think about the what if's but I can't help but go through every scenario that my brain is throwing at me.

I know I wouldn't get any sleep today. Like yesterday. Or the day before yesterday. Or the day before that. Every sound reverberating in my empty apartment makes me go on high alert. Every knock on the door making my heart go ballistic. I know I won't calm down anytime soon. And thus, I always try my best to keep my mind occupied before I turn insane.

Getting up from my bed, I made my way into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I looked for something strong to drink. A good drink is a solution to every problem. I might have drunk all of the good stuff yesterday because I couldn't find anything in the fridge. s**t. Why do all the bad things have to happen to me? Maybe I can go to a nightclub or something.

A sharp knock on the front door made me jump in my skin. Oh no!

I remained rooted in my place like a stone statue, frozen with fear, thoughts of drink and a relaxed night long forgotten. I gulped when another knock came but didn't move. What should I do now? I started pacing in the kitchen, biting my nails while doing so.

Think Erin think. There has to be something. Something that will save you.

"Erin, open the damn door!"

The voice made me stop dead in my tracks and then relax. Laughing to myself, I rubbed my hands on my pajamas and let out a sigh of relief. Hurrying towards the door, I unlocked it and opened the door. I threw myself at Gavin as soon as I saw him, clearly catching him by surprise as he staggered a bit but regained his balance.

"You okay?" he asked rubbing my back.

I nodded in his chest and pulled away. I grabbed his hand, pulled him inside and locked the door."You scared me," I signed.

"What?"

Groaning, I made my way towards the cramped up living room of my apartment, knowing fully that Gavin will follow me. We sat on the age-old sofa and Gavin turned to me. "Where's your notepad?"

I flipped him off and leaned back, closing my eyes. I felt Gavin's arm wound around my waist and he brought me close to his chest. He started running a hand through my hair as I laid my head on his chest and I felt myself instantly calming down in his presence.

"You don't want me to go, do you?" he asked after some moments of silence.

I shook my head as tears started forming in my eyes. Gavin put a finger under my chin and lifted it up so I was facing him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his black eyes boring into mine.

His fingers brushed my cheekbones softly making me flutter my eyes. "f**k. Please don't cry," he groaned. "I can't see you like this, Erin."

Sniffing, I raised my hand to wipe the tears but he caught my wrists in his hands and put them down on his lap. I looked at him as he intently watched my face. After a few moments of silently watching me, he said, "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

No, he hasn't. And now was not the time that I expected him to tell me this. Shocked at the sudden revelation, I tried to pull away from him but he didn't let me. "Erin, I'm leaving. Five days later. I have held on to these emotions for the past three years and I swear, I regret it more than anything. But before leaving, I want to at least tell you about my feelings."

I sighed but didn't move away. He took this as a sign to continue, "I have liked you since the day I first saw you at the restaurant. I know it sounds weird. Like why wouldn't I tell you this before, right? But the truth is that... I was scared. Of rejection. Of losing you forever. You may not believe me but this is the truth."

"Look I know you don't like me but... I do. And I will wait for you as long as I have to because you're worth it."

I gulped. I took away my hands from him and signed, "What if I never like you?"

Somehow, he understood my question and shrugged. "I don't know, Erin. I said I will wait for you. Till the day I die. And if you never come to me, I will at least know that I tried. Trust me, I will be more than happy by just that. I will die a happy man."

I shook my head in frustration. How can he say this? He can't wait for me for like his whole life. Can he? This is insane. I have to make him understand this.

"Erin." He grabbed my chin and brought my face close to his and whispered, "I don't care how long I have to wait. That doesn't bother me. Promise. Don't think too much. I didn't tell you this so you can run into my arms. The one and only reason for me saying this is because I wanted to let you know about my feelings before it's too late."

A lone tear fell from my eyes but he caught it with his thumb. "God, you cry a lot," he said, chuckling.

"But I can't even speak," I signed to him, screams and voices filling my head. "Why would you like a freak like me?"

By the expression on his face, I knew that he didn't understand it. Pursing my lips, I searched his pockets for his phone. He gave me an incredulous look. Not paying him any attention, I took his phone and typed in it what I had just signed.

When he looked at the message, I saw his expressions darken. I have never ever seen Gavin angry before but he honestly looked pretty scary. He snapped his gaze to me and I flinched a bit at his glare. "Who the f**k called you a freak?"

I gulped and shook my head. I could feel my body shaking under his glare. My current state seemed to soften his mood. He leaned towards me and cupped my face softly. "You're not a freak, Erin. Not even close. You're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life. Your innocence draws me to you. That's the most attractive thing about you, you know? I don't know why you think so lowly of yourself but I'll make sure to change that. Any man will be lucky to have you, Erin. Only, I want that man to be me."

My eyes fell to his lips that were barely an inch or so away from mine and I let out a shaky breath. When I looked up, I saw Gavin's eyes trained on my lips. He slowly moved further, closing the distance between our lips in the process. As our lips were about to meet, he looked up to meet my eyes. "Can I?" he croaked out, his lips brushing softly against mine.

Without thinking twice, I leaned forward, closing the remaining distance between us and pressed my lips to his. It didn't take him long to respond. Putting his hands on the base of my neck and angling my face, he deepened the kiss as my hands went around his neck pulling him closer to me.

Somehow, in between our make-out session, I found myself straddling Gavin on the couch as his hands roamed every part of my body. We held on to each other's bodies as if it were the last drop of water in the desert, only breaking the kiss to gulp some air, before continuing what we started. All this while, there was only one thought that was running through my head: What damage can one kiss do?

Apparently, a lot.