Italian Mess

CHAPTER 3

I haven't heard from Alex for months. It got me staring at the ceiling.

His lack of participation in all the activities our squad has planned and set-up. He barely asks unless he's trying to resurface. Alex never shows up. Though, it doesn't surprise me anymore. The things that always get right through me—his wisdom, his humor, how we sometimes relate to things. He never fails to amaze me.

Stop this s**t, Lei. Let him go. Give yourself a break and find a man who'll notice you. I need to let him go somehow because I know I won't get anywhere with all these feelings I have for him. It also is very crystal clear that even if she isn't in his life anymore, he's still stuck in love with her—the only girl he loved the most—and I can never top with her.

It's just I was there when he needed me, he was with me when I needed him in a brief span of time, but after a year? He was never there.

I closed my eyes, shaking my head. This won't help me. I made my way downstairs to help prepare dinner since we were having a mini-barbeque party.

This gathering is enough for me since it's also my farewell party. It is enough to supplement the awful things both my family and the rest of the world have thrown to me. I also told my parents not to invite family friends because I've been seeing them most of the time and it is decidedly time for me to take a break.

I held unto my necklace. Why did leaving for Italy hurt? Will my parents be okay? Will I be okay in Italy? I'm worried about this trip not feeling like a 'trip' I expected it to be. This trip is likely a responsibility than a summer vacation or a break from everything. I'm scared to not exceed their expectations. 

Adults treat a fresh graduate or even a teenager like they don't know anything about the actual world. But they're expecting you to be perfect in everything. Once you fail, you begin to doubt everything you do and your worth. And every step paves way for overthinking.

It feels like you know you have a deep open wound, bleeding, but all you do is just put a band-aid over it. Thinking it would be okay and having the hopes it'd heal itself. My friends are my band-aids on this trip — to keep me whole and functional despite having the chance of breaking down any minute. This wouldn't be an escape. This is my time to start thinking about what I should do next, now I've graduated. A matter that I have to deal with alone.

I heard the speaker playing some music; it was the Spiral Starecase's 'For once in my Life'. I smiled. It was no ordinary song, it's the song that got the 4 of us hyped up. My mom was setting up to marinate the pork and fish. Lasagna filled the air. I peeked out the window. My dad was prepping the grill.

I face my mom, "Where's Leo?"

I don't know what, but it has been a habit for me to keep asking where my brother was or my dad or my mom was whenever I don't see them. It's like my way of caring for them. My brother also does it too, but I do it most of the time annoying my mom.

"Your dad instructed him to prepare the tables and chairs outside. You haven't seen him when you looked out?" She replied. With her back on me, "Go check your brother if he's done arranging. You can start putting the plates and all the food already. Also, once I'm done with this, you bring it out there."

"Alright!" I stood up and grabbed some plates and utensils for me to put on the table. I went outside to see my brother was on his phone while sitting on his chair that he just finished setting up.

"Took you long enough, maid." He said with his bossy voice and asserting dominance.

The barbeque party is the graduation party I requested from my parents. The peace I get when it's just the four of us. My parents wanted to invite the entire family, which I completely and honestly disagreed with. I'm tired of the issues in both the Lombardi and Heissler family have put in my life. It's exhausting mingling with the people you call 'family' but are showing fake love to me straight right into my face.

I want to take a break from them, the issues they make about me and my brother, and the rest of their crap towards my parents ever since they even got married. I appreciate moments with my parents and brother together. Simple as that.

I opted not to be seen. Being one of those people whose faces featured on gossip pages, drains and annoys the s**t out of me. Without even getting involved and knowing I didn't hurt people, I get to be the bad person. I wished that I wasn't born in this family. 

"Shut up and go fill up the bucket with ice and prepare the drinks, you ass." I sassed back, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Whatever," He didn't mind and continued scrolling his phone. No doubt was talking with some of his friends. 

What I hated about this household sometimes was my parents let my brother be the boss while I do my part for chores. Doing the same chores all over again to be good at it? The superstitions families shouldn't believe. You don't have to keep doing a certain house chore just to prove you're good at it. Boys and girls should be treated equally when it comes to chores and not letting either get away with not doing it. Well, not in my case. 

"Leo, go do what your sister said. Listen. You aren't the older brother here. She is!" My dad was behind the grill, finished heating the charcoal.

Leo intriguingly informed my dad, "Dad, you're now saying Soleil is a dude." 

"The family thinks she already is, and she also knows that people think she's a tomboy. That isn't an issue for her anymore, and she also enjoys dressing up with my shirts and even yours. It isn't surprising at all, son." My dad chuckled.

"True!" I nodded at them as I set the table with the plates, spoons, knives, and forks. The table, close enough to the pool if you feel like jumping. Lights in the pool were also dancing like the beat of the music playing.

My brother kind of pissed that they outnumbered him and my dad's comments got him off guard. He groaned, leaving with the bucket to grab ice and drinks. My dad was grilling some meat. I smiled at that sight because I know my dad, I was just like him. I enjoyed grilling as much as he does.

I walked back inside and grabbed the platters of food and danced and sang to the lyrics as I placed them to the table. The song changed to 'More Today Than Yesterday'.Smells so good. It made me smile even more.

Why do I love food so much that it hurts?  Same as how I felt towards Alex.

My mom was on her way out to hand meat for the barbeque. It was cute cause my dad swiftly grabbed the bowl, placed it next to the grill, and grabbed my mom's hand. He started to dance with her. My mom was singing and my dad who sucked at dancing swayed with her. I laughed at them but smiled because I wish I get to have that kind of relationship someday. I smiled at them because I know; they were from families who have tons of toxic issues, yet they find comfort and security from each other.

"Seriously dad, get a grip! I don't want to be a party pooper but guys you still have the grill going on and we don't want to eat burnt food." I laughed my ass off. I know I got my talent from my dad in dancing. And we both suck at it.

My mom was laughing as she got inside to grab the baked scallops. She placed it in front of me, smiling, "All the food tonight is your favorite. You never were picky anyway. But you and Leo eat too much. I might have only 2 children, but I feel like I have 6!" She always complains about Leo and I's appetite.

"You and dad keep complaining but you feed us, anyway. The good thing is we aren't any different after we eat though. Leo used to be a stick, but now no." I laughed with her.

"Lombardi genes! You don't get chubby. But be careful, once you turn 30, with a single spoon, you gain weight no matter what." She warned me. Leo grew taller than far as I remember, but I can see he is gaining weight with all the milk and binge eating. He didn't get my mom's genes in having a fast metabolism.

I can consume plates of food and still look like I have eaten nothing. My friends have been complaining the entire time. Yes, we love to eat, but they're the ones gaining weight even if I'm the last one who finishes. My Lombardi grandfather and uncles used to worry about me because what if no guy would marry me for having a huge appetite? I laughed at that thought. Those were the good times. 

My dad placed the barbeque on the table. We said graces before meals and started digging. My mom and dad were on both ends. 

Dad suddenly stood up and got our attention, so we stopped eating. He opened a bottle of wine and filled our glasses. He cleared his voice, "Today, we celebrate Soleil's graduation in College and her farewell party as she goes to Italy and won't be back until the summer ends. Leo, who also got his private pilot license. I'm proud of both of you and the lady and gentlemen you both have become."

He raised his glass, "Salute!"

We toasted for closing a chapter and beginning a new one.

After eating dinner, we planned to stay here outside to drink and talk. The usual things we do when my parents aren't busy with their business and me and my brother with school stuff. Some parents don't give time to their families, I'm thankful for mine.

"The tickets, extra keys, and some information that you might forget is on the paper I gave you the other day. Give Nonna a visit too, bring her favorite flowers." My mom reminded me as she was taking a sip of her wine. "Will the girls be riding with us to the airport or the Marins and Paiges will send their girls to the airport too?"

"Are you finished packing? Don't forget IDs. Have spare money in your bags. Be careful, Lei. You haven't been in Italy for 2 years." My dad inserted with his face clear with worries while opening himself a beer.

Cutting off our parents' reminders, "Don't worry guys, that's the least of her problems. She's an adult. She'll find herself a boyfriend because she doesn't have one. But her heart is still with Alex," Leo was laughing his guts out. My parents joined him, they noticed that I've been talking a lot about him.

"We'll meet them at the Airport, their parents would want to see them and give their goodbyes." I started, "Looks like someone has a girlfriend already. Alexander is no fun. Thank you, next!" I snapped at my brother while I gulped my beer in no time.

"A pilot can have any girl," He stood up and raised both his hands like a person getting caught by the police and dived into the pool.

"Hey! What a showoff!"  Well, the pool looked so good I took off some of my clothes and jumped.

My mom yelled, "Don't tell me that Mia girl is your girlfriend? Come back here, Leonhardt!"

Mia? I think that was the classmate he brought here. Though, I've always been fond of Chandria for him. He doesn't know it, but just like me, he has a soft spot for her. I think she has always adored Leo so much—with his wit and humor. I'm not worried since she's a close family friend. Her dad is a classmate of both my parents in high school too! 

However, good thing we're given the choice of whoever we want to marry, so Leo has the choice. Thank God no arranged marriage issues. 

Phew!

My brother was laughing the entire time while treading in the pool. He then swam to the edge amused, "Of all the girls, you remember Mia?"

"You've been seeing a lot of girls! Of course, I do remember. You brought her over. Please don't tell me you've committed f*********n inside our house?"

In hearing those words, my dad choked on his beer and laughed. 

This is getting interesting. They always grill my brother about these things because he's a dude and the youngest in the family. It sounds more entertaining.

Being the eldest was difficult. You listen to your parents' frustrations like a shock absorber. I grew up early having a sense of responsibility and independence. Just enough to be pressured and equipped for obligations. Coming to Italy was the second. I thought graduating college was enough for them, pleasing my Grandpa Heissler. Now, I'm going to Italy for the Lombardi. 

"Yes, I've gone out with lots but no to the committing f*********n! I wouldn't want to have s*x at home. You know I've been busy," My brother raised both his arms in the air like he was caught busted.

I continued treading in the pool, kept myself balanced in a back float, and continued to laugh on their argument. What I like about my family is we were open. On how we can talk about everything—anything uncensored, s*x, drugs, and other things—the usual parents do not discuss with their children. This is one thing I live for. One of the chill days on which I won't be present for a couple of months. 

Okay, let's do this.